I feel like total crap for feeling like this, my wife just found out she is pregnant and all I can think about is how much I don't want to be here. For 2 months before this I talked to her about how i wasn't sure if this was what I really wanted, and maybe we should hold off a month or two so I can really decide. We haven't goten along really well for almosst two years but she still feels this is a good thing, I am not sure. I want to set a good example for my child, but I know we will continue arguing throughout the pregnancy and once the little one is here and i know from my own experience that is never a good thing. I want to feel better about this, but I want to make it right too. i have no idea what to do.
2007-04-30 23:20:12 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You ought to feel better already because firstly you aren't the only guy who has ever felt like this and you have the guts to put it into a public forum which says you want to resolve the situation. Your lady has something to concentrate on now, someone to look forward to welcoming into your home and loving. You need to find an older male friend who is married with children to share your worries with as he should understand your apprehension. Meantime ask yourself how you can love your wife more. I had a real tough time during my wife's first pregnancy. I didn't make it terribly pleasant for her and I am sorry for it. We got over it and lost two and then she had a miscarriage the third time and then produced two boys - this wasn't easy but we got through it and so will you. Having a child will change your life but it doesn't have to change it for the worse. Be attentive to your wife as she really needs your support now as it's her first time and she has a lot of biological reaction to come. You will be fine and remember your child needs a dad. First and foremost go give your wife a hug and support her and find a friend who will be there to listen to and advise you. Good luck.
2007-04-30 23:52:30 · answer #1 · answered by pwwatson8888 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are right to be concerned. A pregnancy is not good in a bad relationship. But maybe...your relationship just needs a fine tuning. It is easy to think the relationship isn't good enough for a child or for you.
A month or two isn't really a lot of time to decide if a child was what you wanted. Now that reality is here...time to build the relationship.
People don't have to fight. It means that they have unresolved issues. Decide now to create a better relationship. Hopefully your wife will decide the same. Together you can make something great.
Did you not want to be there before the pregnancy? And she still got pregnant? Perhaps the two of you need to spend time on each other rather than baby.
I can see your concern...but now is the time to work on building the love. That is what makes or breaks any arrangement. The child is 9 months away. Take all of your time and effort to create a beautiful home to come into the world for.
good luck
2007-04-30 23:27:55 · answer #2 · answered by kishoti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before this baby arrives you need to find out if the two of you have a future - because a love-less marriage with a child is still a love-less marriage.
My husband felt the same way you do, however we were not married at the time and didn't feel that we should get married just because I was pregnant. We had been together for 5 years before the pregnancy and although he didn't want anymore kids ( as he had kids to a previous marriage) once our daughter came along his love for his child enabled to see our relationship in a whole new light. Eighteen months later we were married and it has stregthened our relationship because he was open with his feelings about the possibility of what this child would mean from the onset.
The decision to stay with me to have this child was completely his choice. As is this choice is for you to make by yourself. I realise your wife is very happy at present, but you need to be completely honest with her. You never know - if this child was unplanned and just happened maybe it was meant to happen. Everything that happens in life- happens for a reason, you may not know what that reason is right now but down the track you will wake up one day grateful it did happen.
All the best to you both - regardless of what you choose.
2007-04-30 23:40:12 · answer #3 · answered by possum2love 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are in a tough place. But all I'm hearing is that it's about YOU - your thoughts, your feelings, your fears, your unhappiness. What about your wife, who you took vows to love and be with forever? What about this baby who doesn't need two arguing parents to make their life harder? I would say it's time now to be an adult. I've been married for 2 years now, and I don't want any kids. I've been on birth control since I was 20 (I'm now 29) to keep a problem like the one you've got from arising in my own life. Your wife should've been doing the same thing in order to prevent this, but now it's too late. Accept the reality of it and try very hard to make things better so that your baby will have a good life. It's not about you anymore.
2007-05-01 01:15:42 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I am hearing from this is "I, I, I." It is time for you to put on your big boy pants and grow up!!! I truly feel sorry for your wife, who by the way should be happy because this is such a exciting time for her. Insteed you are more than likely peeing all over such a happy moment!! Not cool.
It is time to put your own VERY selfish feelings aside and think about those two very important people in your life. And how much you will miss them if you blow this for the 3 of you.
Yes, your not always going to be the center of attention. But, babies are great!!
A good rule of thumb, just because you have a penis, does not mean you have to act like one, if you get my drift.
And a hint: it takes two to argue. Making sure the mother is happy and your baby does not come into the world a nervous wreak is your #1 job now. Happiness, like having babies, is a choice. You can choose to be either. If you decide not to be a father, she will survive, and find the right man, husband, and father to your child. Best of luck!
2007-04-30 23:37:48 · answer #5 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet is to hang on to that idea that you want the best thing for this child. Being a parent often means not really knowing what to do, but trying your best to keep your head and your heart in the right place.
You don't have any power to change the pregnancy, but you do have the power to change how you relate to your wife. If she won't cooperate with trying to make changes, it takes two to tango and two to argue, so maybe you can start responding differently to her.
Doing the right thing WILL make you feel better about this. Try and relax and educate yourself about pregnancy, babies, parenting, etc. Just having more knowledge will help you feel less panicked.
I know that my daughter taught me what was REALLY important and as long as I think about what's best for her its much easier to trust I'm doing the right thing, even if its not easy or not comfortable.
Good luck!
2007-04-30 23:47:40 · answer #6 · answered by MAK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you two are heading for either, therapy or an elder from your church, would be the easiest, but if you can afford it a marriage counselor would be the most appropriate person. on the other hand you are facing 18 long years of child support if you split.Many marriages I have seeing where the hubby or the wifey are not happy but they stay together for the kids, and everyone gets dysfunctional because of all the arguing between the parents. good luck my friend!!
2007-04-30 23:33:02 · answer #7 · answered by mabuloong 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes two people to have fights in a marriage and only one to do something about it. If you can get your wife and yourself some marriage counceling then maybe you can figure out the root of the fights and find ways to change the habits that are obviously there.
Every marriage has some dissagreements and occasional fights, it is how you handle those situations that will make or break things.
2007-04-30 23:35:47 · answer #8 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You get points for honesty. I can understand your feelings. Bringing a child into a rocky marriage is never a “good” thing. But, basically all you can do at this point is accept it. In life we have to deal with things as they are, not as we wish they were. If you and wife can’t work through your issues on your own, then get some professional help.
2007-05-01 02:15:50 · answer #9 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm 23 and 25 weeks pregnant. I really ought to funds very heavily, yet will 9 months to maintain and get each little thing taken care of that is totally do-in a position. So are particular that is merely the money element or are you merely not waiting for a baby? workout consultation the way you sense. Are you so mad that you won't be able to do this? if you're you want to admit it. yet in case you imagine you'll stay along with her then get over it and initiate seeing the forged in it. it really is a great time and it would want to be a really impressive part of both one in each of your lives in case you may get in contact and seem on the shiny side. you gained't seem at you're infant even as they are born and sense sorry about it. regardless of got here about, got here about and birth control can fail, believe me!! She might want to be merely as shocked as you're. attempt to confirm the positives and revel in it.
2016-12-05 04:01:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋