HE CHEATED ME FOR 6 MONTHS.,HE CONFESSED ALMOST 2 MONTHS AGO..HE ADMITTED HE LOVED(?) THE GIRL.I GIVE HIM THE CHANCE TO MAKE UP...,PLS....HELP ME TO ENLIGHTEN MY MIND.IT'S REALLY PAINFUL..I KNOW THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.MY TRUST,HIS FIDELITY...,I'M AFRAID IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.,DOES ANYONE CHEATED JUST ONCE OR ITS ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO HAPPEN AGAIN,...TO BE FAIR MY HUSBAND IS TRYING TO REGAIN MY TRUST..,ITS JUST IM SO AFRAID TO GIVE MY TRUST & LOVE AGAIN BUT IN THE END HE'LL DO IT AGAIN...
2007-04-30 23:01:41 · 11 answers · asked by shannel d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Move on they not worth it
2007-04-30 23:05:19 · answer #1 · answered by wilo_chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's going to happen again, it's like riding a bike, once tried and it works so, do it again, it's easy.
He got away with it, didn't he?
You have to make a decision as to what you willing to live with, a divorce or knowing he loved someone else and may do it again, once you've made the decision you'll have to live with it.
You won't forget, you may forgive but it'll always be on your mind. Everytime you have an argument this will come up. It will drive him further away from you, it the end, he may just give up and leave.
Some will say "this will make you stronger" some will say "your marraige will be better for it" this is all crap, they don't have to go through the sleepless nights wondering where he is so late, whose arms are he in, etc.
His confessing isn't much after what he did, if he was serious he would have talked about it a lot sooner. Or, did the other woman get tired of him?
2007-05-01 06:10:58 · answer #2 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tricky situation....I know from personal experience. If you take him back you must do so with forgiveness in your heart. He does not expect you to forget....but you will have to refrain from bringing up his transgressions every time you quarrel!!
The key is to open up communication. He was able to cheat because a lack of communication alllowed him to have a seperate life you did not know about. Complete disclosure is what he needs to give you....access to his cell phone, email accounts, mail, banking records, etc.
Not every person is a serial cheater.....but you must set boundaries that are fair to you. If you are giving him another chance....and you discover he has lied again....how hard will it be to leave? There is such a thing as a serial cheater and there is such a thing as seriel forgiver, too!!
You obviously still love him....so that is a foundation that is essential. He obvioulsy still loves you! Know that, for men, cheating isn't about love like it is for women....it's about control, the thrill and of course the sex.
If you go back....forgive him and seek out counseling to help you open up your marriage again. Be open minded and tell him what you need from him to move beyond this. He MUST be an active participant in YOUR healing process!
Good luck to you....both of you!
2007-05-01 06:14:48 · answer #3 · answered by Jeremy W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the answer is in your own heart. there is no right answer in relationships.
it sounds as if you are tring to make it work.
but worried if he will do it again.
you wanent worried before and he did cheat........ so all the worry is for nothing, don't you think?
you can't control how a person thinks, or wish it away. and only time will tell if he would or wouldn't.
make up your mind to give it a open chance or call it quits. and stick to it. make a plan for if it does happen again, but until it does, and you try to make it work, give it a chance.
I know i will get trashed for saying this, but its true. if he was in love with someone else, right now, and you knew it, would you really want to stand in the way of love?
would you really want someone who wanted someone else?
I think people throw the word around to lightly. if he really loved her, why is he with you?
the only question you have is........
will you forgive him??
2007-05-01 06:29:55 · answer #4 · answered by rock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I don't see a positive outcome for you here. The thing is, he "got away with" cheating for 6 months, so his mentality will be that he can do it again. Your only hope is to go into marriage counseling, and get to the root of his problem, and NOW yours.
Personally, I wouldn't bother, but this has always been one thing I have no tolerance for. So, that's just me.
I will tell you, without some sort of intervention, he will do it again, mostly likely.
2007-05-01 06:22:37 · answer #5 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know its hard to trust someone that lied to you. i tried and i just couldn't do it.i started to wonder why they were 15 min late or why they had to take that call into the next room i don't know if it was all in my mind or real but the questions never went away and to add to that i carry that doubt into my relationships still.i have very little trust for anyone anymore.i hope what ever you decide to do you are better at getting beyond it then i was,it sure makes for a lonely life when all trust is shattered.
2007-05-01 09:33:45 · answer #6 · answered by patbgone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You has to think about the reasons for that.
A man cheat for several,not only one, reasons:
The woman is not anymore the expected woman
the woman doesn't match or fit with him specially in bed
the woman changed a lot in a negative sense
the woman has a negative behaviour
the woman's beauty is gone
then, the man looks around him ...more and more and cheat!
Think about it.....and try to change totally
2007-05-01 07:18:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep. If you forgive him it's a free pass. If you don't he's miserable because he has to keep looking in the mirror and seeing the real him looking back. If you can't counsel this out. and he won't give 100% to the process...your doomed. That's the nice approach. Myself. I drop him like a hot rock. Love isn't love when your in it alone.
2007-05-01 06:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by Halerie H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you can live with. If you can't live without him, stay with him and second guess every move he makes for the rest of your life. Making yourself bitter, unhappy, and aged before your time. Or let him kick rocks. Find someone who will love you and be faithful. No one can decide for you.
2007-05-01 07:08:17 · answer #9 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on the person, MOST <-- will not cheat again, they find once burned hurts
you say he is trying to regain your trust, if you love him, let him back in your heart
2007-05-01 06:06:16 · answer #10 · answered by bluelitttt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's see he cheated on you and had the 'balls' to tell you he love her did he show you any pics. when you walk out your front door look down that is what you are!
2007-05-01 06:07:43 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋