What's the funniest example you have heard of someone using the wrong word in a sentence?

Question

For example, an elderly neighbour of mine many years ago, was talking about the importance of health screening for women because of the risks of "cancer of the crevice".

Answer 1

There was a lady at work I had to correct because she said a friend of hers had "contacted" a disease. I said "You mean, contracted.".
People hate when I correct them.

Answer 2

I hesitate with this, as I wish to avoid being labeled as a
promoter of washroom humor, but it happened this way:

A number of years ago, a friend, his sister,
their parents and I were returning from having
picked-up our lunch.

There was a building tension in the carhold,
thickening upon each intersection we passed.

His sister, all of 17, was in a snit because of our
wait in receiving our to-go orders.

That poor girl--having no idea why the rest of us
physically writhed in fits of watered eyes
as we doubled over and to our sides--
became redfaced in escalating anger,
until we arrived home, caught our breath and
someone calmly explained her faux pas.

Her original words had been, "I can't believe
some people can be so incontinent!"

Answer 3

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew

Answer 4

My coworker once needed his home computer fixed because a game was running very slowly. It turns out he got bug in the system so I told him he got a bug. And we just figured it out and fixed the problem.

A week or so later he told me his game was running slowly again and said, "Yeah, it must be more insects in the screen."

Answer 5

An octopus has eight testicles.
The musician received a standing ovulation.
When his jet flamed out, the pilot used his ejaculation seat.

Answer 6

My in-laws of 16 yrs+ are forever using the word ZINC to wash their dishes INSTEAD of using the SINK!

All 3 of my kids call TOWELS - TOWLOWS!

My sister used to call SALT - SALIT

Answer 7

I once had a classmate who was singing a song in the film Camelot. He kept singing "...the most CONGENITAL spot..." instead of "...the most CONGENIAL spot..."

My sister once tried to describe a figure of speech she used to describe someone. Then she blurted out "I meant that [the phrase she used] METAMORPHICALLY" instead of "...METAPHORICALLY."

Answer 8

"It never ceases to amaze me how little personable responsibility we see in people today."

In writing, I see people put shirley you jest instead of surely now and then. :-)