What should I do?

Question

I got married in sept 05, and my wife is not the same person that i married. I give and give and dont get much at all back. I work a full time job and a part time job, and she works part time and goes to college. She never wants to spend time with me, never wants to make out with me and all we do is argue. She recently started talking to an old boyfriend and I got pissed and fussed about it. But i have seen the conversations and so far there is nothing going on because he is married also. But, Im still not getting anywhere with her.

Answer 1

it is so obvious that she should treat you better.i know how you feel about the kisses,arguing and the college thing,but her talking to her x is crossing the line big time. tell her you are ready to get back on track but you wont do it alone,and leave it at that.walk away after telling her this.if she wants to argue.let her do it alone.what can you lose?what you have done this far hasn't worked right?i feel your pain all we can do is hope.good luck!

Answer 2

okay so the honeymoon is over and from what your telling me it has been for a long time. Let me welcome you to the REAL world. First off you have to ask yourself some hard questions.
Do u love her? Does she love you? Do you still want to be together? ( Divorce is not an option ) ( Marriage is and always should be a life long commitment ) Where did all this start?

Both of you stop casting blame and start accepting responsiblitiy!

Both of you are overworked and if truth be known under a great deal of pressure. From past experience I would say most of it is financial pressure. GET RID OF IT! Your newly weds you dont need two new cars and a new house, yeah theyre nice but what do you want more a happy marriage or your friends going ("WOW") Life is hard enough without being in financial bondage.

Start COMMUNICATIONS again, if you search your heart you will find that the problems started when the talking stopped. As for the former boyfriend well, where I come from that is a red flag, she needs to stop that. That "were just friends" aint cutting it with me.

Both of you need Jesus in your life, start going to a Bible beleiving church. Your the head of the house so you need to set the example, if she wont go, go by yourself. Get some good solid Bible counseling on marriage.

You have a problem and yelling and screaming isnt going to solve it, its only going to make matters worse. The silent treatment is probably what kicked this thing off so dont try that one. You need to make up your mind that no matter what you find out or what she tells you from this point further you will accept and love her. Because today is a brand new day. If you want your marriage to work that is the attitude you have to have. Marriage is a job, everyday. This aint Kansas TOTO its a East LA jungle baby. Now go get that woman an sweep her off her feet like you did in the beginning.

D

Answer 3

Try to talk to her!! Attention: talking, not yelling. Do got accusing her of nothing, start the conversation with a clear mind. Just tell her u love her and miss her so much. Ask her whats wrong. U know what else u can do? Do something romantic to her. A surprise home dinner, a bouquet...things like dat. But have the conversation!! U will never know the truth without talking.

Answer 4

Read some good answers. Read a nice rant also. Good one Carly. You have just given us husbands the defination why women are so damn confusing. If we try to show affection, then we are smothering you. If we try to give you space, then we aren't paying attention to you. Give it a rest.

I read your story and I thought I was reading about me. Dude, take some friendly advise. 9 times out of 10, an ex-boyfriend is not just a friend. Here is a good question; who else does she talk to? I would bet you $100.00 that she is talking with another man, maybe more. Most times (in my experience) when a woman takes away her loving emotions (i.e. kissing, hugs, smiles, etc) she is placing them elsewhere. And you have probably seen the conversations that she WANTS you to see. The longer that she keeps this mess up, more worse she is gonna get towards you.

Ask her one night when neither of you are working to sit downand talk about your emotions. Why is she feeling the way she is towards you? Watch her when she talks. Watch her eyes. They will tell you if she is being sincere in the talk. And, if marriage counceling doesn't work, cut you losses.

Answer 5

The reason your wife has changed is probably because she's putting her time and emotions elsewhere. Although her ex is married that still won't stop her from making a mistake(cheating). You don't have to sleep with someone to actually cheat on them, and what is she doing talking to him anyway? In my world there is not such thing as friends in the opposite sex while your married, thats just a recipe for disaster. You need to talk to her and have a one on one serious conversation. If she doesn't listen to you then just start being careless the way she is. Thats the way they listen unfortunately and trust me they dont like it.

Answer 6

Have you talked to her about marriage counseling? I was in a somewhat similar situation as your wife. I tried and tried to get my husband to understand how unhappy I was and that I was losing respect for him. We had been married for 16 years, most of which was unhappy. I started talking to an old boyfriend without my husband's knowledge. When my husband found out about it he flew into a rage and demanded that I choose. I chose the other man because he made me feel things that I hadn't felt in ages. I knew from the moment I chose that even if my ex boyfriend and I didn't get back together that I would also be grateful to him for giving me the courage to leave and unhappy marriage. Now my ex-husband and I are best of friends and both happy we have met other people. I think we just stayed together out of habit and for security and didn't want the other to be hurt. Talk to her before it's too late.

Answer 7

She sounds like she has interests other places. I hate to say it, but you and her need to go to a councilor if you want to save your marriage. If she does not want you to touch her,that simply means that she is no longer attracted to you and that there just may be someone else on the side. Don't be the fool by working to put her through school and then have her take off and leave you with the bills. Confront this right away, and try to fix it. Forgive if there has been a mistake, but get help.

Answer 8

you sound like my husband! We are entitled to have friends just because we are talking to another man doesn't necessarily mean we don't love you. Sex is NOT the most important thing in the world sometimes we have other things going on in our heads and the pressure from our husbands to MAKE OUT is a lot to cope with on top of everyday life. just because you marry a woman doesn't mean you get what you want when YOU want it it doesn't work like that. back off on the other man stuff and let life live without the pressure you may find she will find her way back to you take my advise i wish my husband would.

Answer 9

She's given up on you and looking elsewhere for attention and love. You guys need to seriously talk about this honestly and openly. 2 people need to make a relationship work. You can't be trying alone and make it work. if it's not what she wants, it's going to go downhill from now.

Answer 10

spend time with her . there might be some comunication gap within you 2 . so talk with her , go out with her ,ask her why she is behaving like this. even then she is stubborn then the only choice is divorce. check this site for more tips .