My hubby and I are married for 4 yrs. The marriage/ relationship before the wedding was a constant up and down. He was always hiding things/ lying to me.(I had to pay his debt down cause he didnt do it, hiding his previous marriage and kids etc.) I moved out of the house 3 months ago because I couldnt take it anymore and to seriously think about the relationship.He even saw other girls while I was still living with him, I confronted him but even so I have 100% proof he still denies it. Now he changed all his passwords to his email accounts plus security answers/ login details so its impossible for me to track it down. I dont know if I am getting paranoid or if he is really up to something..again. I dont know how to make a decision/ I know when I ask him a question he wont tell the truth. I still love him but I am scared he wont change and it really hurts and I am so confused.
2007-04-30 19:18:35 · 14 answers · asked by Jennifer W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok with everything that he has dont like changing his passwords and making it impossible for you to find something out, he is obviously hiding something. If there was nothing for him to hide then he would let you see everything he has just to prove to you that hes being faithful. i think you need to dump his ***. There are so many better guys out there for you and for you to put up with this crap is a waste of time and effort. I know its hard but youre getting hurt why not just live life happy?
2007-04-30 19:35:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jennifer, although I understand what you are saying, I gotta ask you......are you a glutton for punishment? Your story reminds me of a few women I know. They are as good as gold, would do anything for you, and are either married or are dating guys that treat them terrible. But lets kick the ballistics here for a sec.......you moved out. What the heck did you expect? My ex-wife did the same thing. Next day I changed my account info, opened another bank account, changed my e-mail info, etc. I am not gonna blame him for that. Why would you be trying to access his e-mail anyway? Have you done this the entire 4 years of your marraige? Ohhh, and did you expect him to change? You said that he was like this BEFORE you got married in the first place. And what exactly are you trying to track down? Him? His activities? Goings and comings? If you wanna do that, just hire a private detective.
Bottom line, stop being a glutton of punishment. If you think he is gonna lie, then you don't trust him. Without trust, you have no marriage. Best thing you can do now is cut your losses. Or, stay in the marriage and stay miserable and sneaky (which is my defination of trying to access his e-mail accounts, etc.).
2007-04-30 19:51:28 · answer #2 · answered by Jamie T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to live your life the way you are now then by all means stay with him.Men like him do not change they get better at hinding what they do, Your husband is one of the worse, he knows how much he can get away with,he knows all he has to do is deny it,he knows you will be up set but he knows you will get over it.You give him a slap on the hand for all he has done to you.He is no good and you no that but your hoping for some sort of miracle that isn't going to happen. Remember it doesn't get better it gets worse and your not getting any younger.
2007-04-30 20:31:10 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eventhough it's not appropriate for you to access his emails, just the fact that he changed everything is full- proof that there is something to hide.
Don;t even bother asking when you already know the answer. Forgiveness demands that you make yourself getting hurt all over again.
Plus that he has been committing that type of sin to you even before so what guarantees you that he will not do it ever again?
It will hurt but if you will just sit there and watch things happen, you are bound to hurt more
2007-04-30 20:21:50 · answer #4 · answered by LIA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well fact is, you can't change him unless he wants to change for himself. Since you said you have 100% proof that he's cheating and lying, what more proof do you need? Don't count on getting a confession from him. He will only keep denying it. Instead, make a decision about what you're going to do with your marriage and if you're willing to stay with someone you can't fully trust, always wondering if he's up to something.
2007-04-30 19:35:21 · answer #5 · answered by jdhs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may be going about this the wrong way and asking the wrong questions. I know you may want circumstantial proof--however, before you go about getting that you need to TRY and get the truth out of him. You could see if the IP address' match up and much more information, however that requires many steps (lawyers, special investigator, etc.). My advice would be to get it out of him. Get him to trust you and have him communicate with you. If he is/was posting on the site, he is missing something in your relationship and he is missing it for a reason. (no finger pointing here). TRY and convince him that you want to know what that something is and you want to fix it. Make him the victim not the defendant. But again, have him trust you and communicate with you. Hopefully you can do this and when you do you will know what to do.
2016-05-17 22:26:50 · answer #6 · answered by sue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can u live in a place where you dont have anything to eat? can u live without oxygen??
i hope the answer is "NO" if your answer is no then why to live with a husband who dont love you.
why are u living as a culprit??? Think again and dont forget you have your own long life to live.
Believe in yourself and you will find a new way for yourself. Its high time for you to take a decision.
Leave him before he leave you for someone else.
2007-04-30 19:27:33 · answer #7 · answered by yakir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your going through all the things you've been going through, you shouldnt waste your time with him. if your whole relationship hs to be where you have to chek his emails or find things out because of his constant lieing than the realtionship isnt really worth it. think about all of the things he has done to you and put you through, if you know hes lieing to you why would you even bother trying to be with him? I know its hard sometimes when you love someone, but when you think about it, your in love with someone that really doesnt care too much about you, cause if he did he wouldnt lie and cheat. you need to get a stronger backbone and get out of that relationship. I know it sounds hard and you love him, but Im sure you have been hurt before and you healed from it. you can do alot better and find someone that respects you and will treat you right. your wasting the time you could be with a nice guy to be with someone your constantly looking over his shoulders.
2007-04-30 19:55:15 · answer #8 · answered by luvleebabygurl22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How many times do you have to touch the stove before you realize that it is hot? (Thats what my gramma always said to me) In other words quite being so stupid. I don't mean to hurt your feelings but there really is no sugar-coating this. You are gone right now right? Stay that way. Quite being a victim. I have a daughter and I look at her and ask myself is this the way I want her to be treated. If not I leave . No bones about it.
2007-04-30 19:33:11 · answer #9 · answered by Kathrine B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean, when a person goes as far as messing with another women or seeing another women and then changes his password that means he is hiding something. I had the same problem but I am still with my man but I had a talk with him and he knew he loved me and I loved him....And he dont wanna lose me so he stopped he dont wanna stop then girl I know its gonna hurt but you can do better then this girl and you know you can be strong.
2007-04-30 19:23:00 · answer #10 · answered by Giovanna R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋