I have separated from my husband 7 months ago after 7 years of marriage. He was very immature by way of partying constantly and very committed to his friends, more so than me. I realised that he only married as all his friends did (and divorced) and it looked good for his image. I took our marriage seriously with the attitude that it will last forever and your a loser if it doesnt. I feel ashamed, hurt, stupid, unloved and so lonely.
I want to find love again but my husband still has my heart. I know it will never be reconciled between us and I accept that but how do I find another and will my heart heal to be able to give to another. Where do I look and should I? I dont want to go on-line or dating places as I feel desperate and Im not, just lonely.
Your help would be great, Im struggling to believe in myself anymore and my two wonderful kids need their mum to be positive.
2007-04-30 17:50:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I asked him to move out because of his constant intoxication and he did(for the 50th time). Then he tried reconcilling and I said only if we do counselling. He then said sometime later: I dont think counselling will work and I asked: do you still love me and he replied: not like I used to.
2007-04-30 18:23:02 · update #1
I have tried reconcilling and cried when he told me he thinks its over, but he is not interested. If I try more, I will only make a fool of myself even further as he appears to have a female drinking partner.
2007-04-30 18:27:19 · update #2
You are still married, now is not the time to find new love, now is the time to take care of yourself, get to know who you are and raise those two kids. You aren't a loser, you just made a bad choice, learn why you made that choice so you don't make a second mistake in a husband. You will find love again, but first learn to love yourself.....
2007-04-30 17:57:06 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, honey, work hard at reconciling. Your kids don't need just mum to be positive, they need their parents to be positively reunited. It's in their makeup. It's the natural way of things. Kids just need for their parents to be together. Psychologists, counsellors, and well-meaning family and friends will tell you that kids are resilient, that they'll bounce back. But, I'm here to tell you, it's just not the case. You're setting a standard for them that will only harm them. They will either give up on love when they get to the 7-year itch, or they will avoid commitment altogether, fearing the same results as their own parents. It's so very common to have difficulties at the 7-yr. mark. Don't become the common statistic. Overcome this obstacle, and do what you can to reconcile.
Your heart will always belong, at least partially, to your husband. That's the natural way, too. It's how you were designed as a woman to function. If you decide to look outside of your marriage for love-fulfillment, be prepared to find that it will never be a satisfying love. The most satisfying love is found with your hubby, the one you made a life with, the one you worked through thick and thin with.
You can do it, honey. Just give it one more try.
Best wishes,
Momwtrmn
2007-05-01 01:13:11 · answer #2 · answered by MomWtrmn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself time to heal.
7 years will not be that easy to just burry in the grounds and move on especially that you have children.
I know that you will soon feel the need to love and be loved and to have a partner but try to focus and give much time to your children before adding or introducing another member.
You are hurt and shattered but your kids are more vulnerable right now and they need a solid ground to walk. TRy to build a strong wall for them first and everything will go easier for you too.
2007-05-01 00:59:50 · answer #3 · answered by LIA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all men are not like this, u have to trust again and have a little faith, unless u are willing to put the past where it belongs, u won't be able to find love again. what your husband did is not your fault, he made the choices, the fault lies with him and not u. u just have to begin dating, and trusting, even if u have fear, don't let what happened in the past make u loose your joy for life. the road from heartache to peace is sometimes a long one, but keep working on it, and eventually u will get there.
2007-05-01 07:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The love of your life that you picked didn't turn out too good. So do you want to repeat? If not, find out exactly what kind of person is right for you. Amazingly, people repeat the same mistake all the time and they wonder why.
And your kids should be your priority, not another love affair.
2007-05-01 01:16:50 · answer #5 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it will take time to heal but it will eventually and you will soon find yourself in love and happy again but right now maybe you should give it time you were in the marriage for 7 years and you can't just expect it to heal over night just don't think neg. thought try and take your mind off of it by spending time with your kids and doing things for yourself.
2007-05-01 01:01:49 · answer #6 · answered by lovinDIJ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's too soon. Wait until you no longer love your husband. Divorce and move on. You'll meet someone. It's just too soon.
2007-05-01 00:56:51 · answer #7 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not be afraid to look for someone new. Not all men are like your ex-husband. Be wiser this time.
2007-05-01 00:59:17 · answer #8 · answered by Buddy Hodor 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋