"Shayla" lived in the apartment beneath mine four years ago. We've had months of not speaking to one another at different periods, and I have felt very betrayed by her in the past. She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and I agreed. When she began fighting with her maid of honor (her sister!) I got "promoted" to the position. To make matters worse, she admits she doesn't love him, and is constantly looking up exes and talking about trying to find a "fling" since she has a "free cheat" to get even with her man for an affair he had with one of his exes. I have asked her if she is sure she wants to marry him, and she says it doesn't matter since divorce is so easy. She doesn't have many friends, and calls me her "BFF." If I step down, I'm not sure she could replace me with anyone local. Should I suck it up and shoulder all this work for a friend I'm not sure is that close? Should I tell her how I feel about participating? Is there a gracious way out?
2007-04-30 16:36:36 · 12 answers · asked by at work 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
If you bow out, it will end the friendship.
That is not necessarily a bad thing-you might appreciate having the 'out'... because it doesn't sound as if you really want to be in this relationship. ( haven't spoken , felt betrayed, know about her lack of commitment, etc). Personally I see it as a great opportunity to ease out of the friendship.
You can tell her that you do not feel right about taking her sister's place. Tell her that family comes first - her sister will always be her sister and you don't want to take any part in coming between sisters.Even though you were asked- it was when she was angry so you wish her well but it's what you feel you must do.
2007-04-30 16:54:43 · answer #1 · answered by cynnkitty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being asked to be a participant in a wedding is a glorious occasion and should not be taken lightly. HOWEVER, the event itself has to have more meaning than what this woman makes it out to be. It sounds as if your heart is not in this. If that is the case, you have to decide what you are willing to do or not do. I think that if you have certain reservations about being her maid of honor, then it sounds as if you need to tell her that. The thing is marriage is a sacred event and it sounds as this woman is turning it into an exercise in futility. Is that what you want to be a part of? Your concern about her not having many friends is your worry because why? This woman sounds as if she is a taker and doesn't give much in return. It also sounds that you really don't want to do this. Here's the deal, she has six months before the wedding and if you choose to back out because it doesn't feel right, then do so; however dont feel guilty about the fact she doesnt have many friends. it seems that she is the one who put herself in that postion and its not your role to try to save her from that. THINK about what it is you want to do; whether you want to stay in the wedding or back out. You do have the right to change your mind. Besides, I think its a bit presumptuous on her part to "promote" you to a postion without even asking you first.
You seem like a down to earth gal, just think about what feels right for you and what you are able to do or not do and then go from there. You have the answers inside of you and you really don't need anyone's advice because only you knows what is best for you.
2007-04-30 16:55:52 · answer #2 · answered by Mister 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see any way out that doesn't end your friendship with this woman. If you are prepared to do that, then yes, tell her how you feel. If you want to keep her as a friend, then keep your mouth shut.
In either case, you might want to inform her that divorce is not as easy as it seems.
As a divorced woman, she will have a harder time getting credit for car loans even if she has a good paying, stable job. It's not fair, but that's the way it is. Divorce is counted against you on your credit report.
Also, divorce is expensive. Even for an uncontested annulment, my friend had to pay $3,000. If there are children involved, the price goes up and so does the length of the fight.
Also, for tax purposes, she will have to file as married filing separate if he refuses to file with her. Since a divorce is not granted until 1 year after legal separation, there will be at least 1 tax season with this problem. There are a lot of tax credits including the earned income credit that she will not get because of her filing status. That means she will pay more in taxes than she needs to for that year(s). Depending on her income, she may be paying thousands more than she needs to. (I work for a tax service, and I am not exaggerating.)
2007-04-30 16:52:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Agreeing to be someones Maid Of Honor means you support the wedding. It sounds like it's off to a horrid start. Why waste money on a dress you'll wear once for a wedding that's doomed before it begins. Besides, if she ditched her own sister, you aren't safe either. I would just say that you've had second thoughts and that you've reconsidered, that you don't think you have time to devote to her wedding. Don't let her hold you hostage with the BF thing, she sounds like a pill. If she were to cut off her ties with you, given the fact that you are not even sure that you are all that close, it wouldn't be the end of your world. Good luck.
2007-04-30 17:16:53 · answer #4 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's no "gracious" way out - only honesty: No....no...no.... I cannot be your maid of honour: that is a position for a close, long-time, trusted friend or family member and I am not that person.
You don't even have to get into your personal opinion about how f***** up she is in her whole attitude about her impeding nuptials and the man she is marrying.
2007-04-30 16:50:53 · answer #5 · answered by jourdepaye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A maid of honor to be, six months from now is first, it is a great honor to be picked as such. i, myself has not experienced not even onein yet am longing to be. if you will resign from doing it then go on. Just tell the real truth of what you feel about her. Just be frank with her why you resign, then she can understand the whole thing. your reason n doing so might enlighten her unsureness of what she is doing right now. Good Luck!
2007-04-30 16:57:18 · answer #6 · answered by chery Pie Sepe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gracious or Graceful? If you value her as a friend you should know that she may also value you as a friend and would appreciate your honesty. If she doesn't care for what you tell her or care for what you have to say then its possible that she's not that good of a friend anyway.
2007-04-30 16:41:43 · answer #7 · answered by rocknperry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you're sorry, but you can't be in her wedding.
It's not unusual for someone to drop out at the last minute, due to illness or other situation.
Tell her as soon as possible so you she can replace you.
2007-04-30 16:42:56 · answer #8 · answered by newyorkgal71 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth , and also tell her that you dont appreciate her getting you involved in her circus. obviously her wedding is a circus act because she is already planning to divorce, so save your time, and money and hopefully
" your friend" from making a disaster of her life and his.
2007-04-30 16:49:30 · answer #9 · answered by djljmom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The heck w/being gracious tell that hussy you've had it up to here w/her and run!
>divorce is so easy
lol what a dope!
2007-04-30 16:43:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋