Question Details: Advice PLEASE on how do I tell an old boyfriend that he is probably the father of the child I had 34 years ago? I have never told him a thing and we have just made contact again after all those years. I am 52 now and know it should be out in the open but since it involves another fellow I dont know what to do or say here. Solid and sensitive advice appreciated.
2007-04-30 15:41:48 · 10 answers · asked by ozzielassie 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
Probably he has a right to know PROVIDED that he is in fact absolutely positively the father. It would be a totally mean spirited and cruel thing to do to tell him and then have him find out that he wasnt really the dad. That would be a shabby thing to do. So you need to figure out a way to prove absolutely that he is the dad.
And what does your child think about this? If your child isnt interested in the process, it would be cruel to them to drop this on them.... You made this situation and now you are responsible for not making a mess of your childs life or your old, old time bf's life. Don't salve your own conscience by hurting someone else. That is definitely bad karma.
2007-04-30 15:50:07 · answer #1 · answered by matt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I'm probably going to take a lot of flack for this opinion, I'm not sure that, after 34 years, you should tell him.
Let me ask you to think about these things:
1. Is the child a part of your life, or was the child given up for adoption? If the child is a part of your life, has he/she asked about a bio dad? Is there another man who has been the child's father for the past 34 years? Will introducing the bio dad into the child's life be beneficial to and wanted by the child? If the child was given up for adoption, who benefits from your sharing this information?
2. What kind of life does the bio dad have today? If he is married and has a family, would telling him about your child cause problems in this existing family? Do you have a right to interject this into their lives at this late date?
Please give some serious thought to WHY you want to tell this man. If it is only to share your sadness, anger, or resentment, then that is not okay. If it is to try to get him to feel responsible to or for you, that is not okay.
If the child will honestly be helped -- if the child's life will be better -- by your sharing this information, it may be okay.
All the best to you; I know this is not an easy decision.
2007-04-30 15:56:07 · answer #2 · answered by cardtapper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've a grown new child it really is 34 years previous hon. Do you fairly favor him resenting the very shown reality that you denied him a relationship along with his "perchance" father because your delight were given into the way? And what if that is not the guy? Are you keen to positioned everyone else by the ringer merely so that you'll discover peace and get an answer? i'm not likely to judge you on your previous blunders, yet i will say this. it really is now not about you. You had a probability to make this perfect 34 years in the past. you do not have the right to do it now. tell your new child, and then in case your new child needs to act on it he/she will be in a position of. If not, allow it bypass.
2016-12-05 03:42:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you you should take it very slowly, everyone needs and deserve to know their child/parent. I on the other hand have a 9 year old, that knows his father and wants his father but, his father still denies him. Even after a paternity test proving he is 99.998% positively his. I wish you nothing but the best! ;-)
2007-04-30 15:52:51 · answer #4 · answered by sweetpeasmum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please dont take this the wrong way but you should be prepared for hositlity because you robbed that guy of soem very impretant aspects of fatherhood. You need to come clean as soon as possible, Just be staight about it
too late for beating around the bush
2007-04-30 15:47:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could you amagine not telling him and you die and your child need a blood transfusion. The best way is tell him is to just tell him. Because he has been much more in his 50+ than finding out that he has more LOVE to look forward to. Smile sweetheart its OK. Trust God... He has your back! But wait no longer because God is telling you speak because you, havent seen him in a long time.
2007-04-30 16:03:42 · answer #6 · answered by Lamar N 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just tell him or set up to have lunch or something and write it in a letter and while your with him take it out and let him read it im thinking you'll probably need to ask about taking a dna test too
2007-04-30 15:50:35 · answer #7 · answered by colombiaz.finest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that he might be the father of your child, and say that you tried to tell him but you lost contact.
2007-04-30 15:49:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i do not think that it is too late. just tell him.
2007-04-30 15:49:58 · answer #9 · answered by dusty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur a little too late to be honest!!!
2007-04-30 15:44:26 · answer #10 · answered by peacebetch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋