I had an ob appointment today and it was the first time that I met the doctor since my own doctor doesn't deliver babies. My fiancee was working and this was the first doctors appointment that he's missed. So they started asking me questions like if the father was in the picture, and I said yes, and that we were engaged, and she asked 'how do you feel about that?' Like I was only going to marry him because he was the father of my child or something? They asked where he worked, what he did at the firm, and everything. And then they said 'because you are only 20, we want you to know that there are programs to help with costs of diapers and formula' even though they know I plan on breast feeding. I said 'No. Thank you, we are fine' and then they were like 'are you sure? don't be afraid to ask if you need to' I thought it was very rude that they assumed just because I am young that I am irresponsible. They know that the pregnancy was planned. Should I have said something?
2007-04-30 14:03:15 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Try to let it go! Honey, I was in my 30's, married and doing just fine and they asked me all of the same sort of questions. It is their job and responsibility to make sure that you can provide for your child. Trust me, you are not the only pregnant person in their office that is young or engaged. They have seen it all. Just try to stay happy and healthy during your pregnancy and let that kind of thing roll! Good luck!
2007-04-30 14:13:41 · answer #1 · answered by PDXmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really strange that they asked those sort of questions. But I guess they are making sure as well. In saying that, they should just except your answers as well. Every person is different and jsut because you are 20 doesnt mean that you are irresponsible or incapable of raising a child whether that being on your own or with a partner. They shoudnt make judgement on your age either. I had my first when I was 18, and I think that I was ready, no one asked me if I would cope and whether or not we had the finaces to afford diapers or formula. Ask other mothers that you know and see if they have had these questions asked to them. If your not comfortable with that doctor, find another one that you do feel comfortable with. Besides they will be there for the whole 9 mths. If it was me I would be.
2007-04-30 21:14:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anymore its seems like it is not socially acceptable to have a child until you are 30. If you are under 30, people seem to assume your either poor or a bad parent. I had my son at 18 and got all sorts of mean comments. The best thing to do is ignore the comments for now, since was your first appointment. However, if the comments continue, you should say something like, " Although I may be young, I am financially stable and my finance and I are very prepared for this coming baby." If the comment continue after that, find a new doctor. Although many people would like to think there is a magic age to have children, there isn't.
2007-04-30 21:23:17 · answer #3 · answered by NurseL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can definitely see WHY you were offended, but those are kind of routine questions. I was asked the same thing (I'm 22, my husband is 21) when I first went to the doctor.
It's not so much that they're "assuming" you need help, it's just that the vast majority of young women they see need help, and not all of them will ask for it.
I agree that they went overboard asking if he was "in the picture", where he works, what he does, etc. That's frankly none of their business. They should have offered you the services and provided you with any pamphlets, but then backed off.
If you're this uncomfortable with them, I'd say find another doctor now before you get farther along. I'm wishing I'd looked around more. My baby is due in 12 weeks and I feel like I'm stuck with doctors and nurses who think I'm an idiot and don't care about me, and that's frustrating for a first time mom.
2007-04-30 21:20:02 · answer #4 · answered by sublimekindalife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my own personal opinion I would have told them that if they had questions to ask about your fiancee then they should wait until he is there to defend himself, they shouldn't need to know all of the stuff they asked you about him, i never got asked any of that! The only thing they should ask you is if they father is in the picture. and yeah it was very rude, (if i were you) the next time i went to the dr. office and they asked me a bunch of questions and i thought they were being rude about something, i would take the sheet w/ the programs on it and then hand it back to whom ever handed it to me, and say here ya go so you can buy food for your children and clothing for them as well. and if they look at you funny, just smile and say, maybe next time you shouldn't be soo rude. and that might change the way they talk to you. To me it seems that they think your "dumb" and have no idea about anything, just give them a taste of their own med.!!! Let us know how that works if you do this! I hope this helps you out! Good Luck Congrads and God Bless
Brandie
2007-04-30 21:24:53 · answer #5 · answered by Mama Boyce 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can see how you'd be easily insulted but it's probably not personal. There's so many young girls having kids by themselves nowdays, with no money and no father that obviously can't take care of a baby. It's probably rare they see a young woman who can. They just wanted you to know there's help if you were in that position. I was 19 and married 1 year when my son was born. We can make great moms like anyone else. Good luck
2007-04-30 23:00:15 · answer #6 · answered by aprilmommy06 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not be insulted. It is their job to be sure that you are aware of any programs available for help. The doctor doesn't always know for sure what kind of a situation you may be in so they cover their bases by telling you what kind of help you could get. After all, some women aren't as prepared as you are and they are just afraid to ask or to accept the help if they truly need it.
2007-04-30 21:12:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow I'd sure be insulted! My first pregnancy ended at 11 weeks in a misscarrage. I was 20, my docotor asked if I wanted the baby. I did! A year after the misscarrage I discovered I was pregnate again. This time 9 months later I had my 1st Son. 5.5 years latter I have 4 kids. I know so many people think that early 20's it to young to have kids, but everone matures differently. I hate the Doctors that think they are therepsts too...
2007-04-30 21:11:50 · answer #8 · answered by pharfly1 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Do not be offended, this had nothing to do with your age. But you are unmarried so they have to assume you only have one income to support your child. They are looking out for you and your baby and are happy to offer you services to make it easier. you should be so lucky to have a doctor who cares enough to offer. And btw those were standard questions to ask. they are assessing your home life which they do for everyone, just like how they always ask about abuse in a relationship even if there is no reason to think there is. Always better to ask and offer then to let those who need those services in the dark.
2007-04-30 21:13:28 · answer #9 · answered by laura n 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What SHOULD you have said? They were asking you these questions because they want to be sure you and your baby get the best care and aren't stressed. They don't KNOW your personal life, so of course they're going to offer what they can. Would I be insulted? HELL NO. I'd be greatful that SOMEONE cared enough to make sure everything to do with my pregnancy was running smoothing so I can have a happy, healthy pregnancy and baby.
2007-04-30 21:08:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋