As an older mum, what is your expectation of your children?

Question

I would like to find out what mothers expect of their children, once they've grown up, have careers and sometimes families of their own. What would you make you really happy, in line of communications, gifts, anniversary, suprises or just what did you dream would come of your kids once they had grown up? Any ideas are welcome because I feel like sometimes, we miss the point of what is expected of us despite wanting to please our parents.. Thanks for your input.

Answer 1

~I imagine mothers want the same as fathers. If you have to ask, you weren't raised very well, or you learned nothing as you were growing up. Put yourself in her place and you in hers. What would you want? I expect my kids to be their own persons. Hopefully I made enough of an impact that they will be. Do I expect them to live their lives trying to pay me back? Hell no. Is a surprise visit or a card or phone call a nice way to brighten up the day? Yes, unless it comes from some misguided sense of obligation. Gifts? Watching them grow and succeed is gift enough. I make no demands or have no expectations from them (as opposed to "of" them). I had them because I wanted them, but they are no longer mine and they have their own lives to live. If I did my job, they will include me in that. Who could ask for more?

Answer 2

When my children were growing up, I told them many times...the more I can trust you, the more freedom you will have!

Now that they are out on their own, I am pleased to report, they are honest, trustworthy, hard workers and are contributing to our world in a positive way!

It was important to me that my sons had confidence, skills (for getting a job!) and were sociable. Humor was also very important in our family.

They both live pretty far away (across country) and I don't see them that often, but we talk about every two weeks. We also vacation together for one week out of the year. What fun that is!

I don't expect much, but then, I am a very busy lady and can let days fly by way too fast.

I LOVE it when a special card is made (my older son is a great artist) or even a purchased one with a sweet sentiment. How cool that is! I used to get these huge bouquets of flowers, but was never home to enjoy them. I will say though, my heart flipped when they arrived! When a sweet note like, "To the greatest mom in the world!"...well....that made my year!

Parents are pleased when they know that there children are working hard, getting along, as happy as this 'old' world will allow, etc.

A phone call, email, a card for special occasions...these things are great.

For Mom's Day...dinner out would be nice...or a cake with Happy Mom's Day...bring ice cream!

It really is the little things that mean so much... AND to write and honest to goodness letter of gratitude for 'Dear ol' Mom'...WOW! That is the best! A keeper. = )

Answer 3

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. My parents expected all sorts of me. It cost them their marriage in the end. And i walked out at age 13.
On the gifts, anniverseries or surprises ... I would like to think she choses her gifts to me as an individual. I would really dislike it if i was to get a Boots triple pack of beauty goodies for christmas. She can forget my birthday on the day and even the card, as long as she reminds to let me know in person she has remembered it at some point. I really don't like surprises. She knows thta already.
I have hopes, desires and dreams for her. In my dreams she will be getting a classical music education, surf the big ones in Hawai and be fluent in Mandarin Chinese. She will be hopefully happy with what she does and find a meaning in he life beyond an office rat race job. She will have an intuition in picking suitable boyfriends, she will discover drugs at an early age and decide they are not for her. I hope she never has a need to be indoctrinated into christianity. It's not about pleasing me. By the time she leaves home i sure hope she will never feel as if she has to do things just to please me. That wouldn't be right :-(

Answer 4

I want my child to feel fulfilled and be happy. I think I expect more in the way of manners and behaviour than alot of younger mothers (I live in a very chavvy area!)

I do not expect her to get involved in drugs - she has a choice, drugs or a family. She can't expect anyone to have to deal with a drugs lifestyle if it is not their choice, even her mother! I hope she'll work at school and do the best she can.

I really want her to have a job in which she gains skills she can use anywhere in the world so indeed, the world can be her oyster.

Answer 5

I work with young people in my profession -- take the following with that as a grain of salt.

Listen to your children. A child who is ignored will only end up in my office.

Treat your child in the same way that you expect to be treated. Swearing, yelling and name calling only lead to someone coming to my office.

Teach your child the value of money and the benefit of working towards goals. A spoil child appreciates nothing. A greatly deprived child never has anything to appreciate.

Your children are not your best friends -- never try to be one.

Encourage your child to pursue their own lives. Children who are forced and pressured to do as their parents want only grown into bitter and resentful adults.

Answer 6

All I expect of my kids is that they do what they think is right and treat other people as they wish to be treat. If they decide to have kids or have careers, if they turn out to be gay or wish to become nuns it wouldnt bother me as long as they are happy.

I would like presents, and visits , the odd phone call but only when they want to. I dont want "duty" visits or to be a burden to them. I want them to live their own life and be Happy.

Answer 7

The best gift you can give a child is independence. The only demands is that they know how to treat people, and to become employable. No-one wants to be on a low income, so encourage them to strive.

I don't have children, but I have a belief they are only lent to you, then you give them to the world. That doesn't mean you stop worrying though, does it?!

Answer 8

I would just like to see my children living a more content life than I, if that is even possible (given that I am pretty content, frankly). I would lov to see them happy and flourishing, thriving in independence, doing what they love, a vocation that fulfills them and their souls.

That's on a good day. On a less than good day I'd just be happy if they would move out of the house. LOL!

Answer 9

I have a 19 year old. I just want her to have a career where she can support herself. She wants to work with animals and I helped her find a job working for a vet. I just worry that it will be minimum wage jobs in that field. She doesn't have the academics to become a vet.

Answer 10

My mother always told me while I was growing up that she wants to die before her kids. She said she doesn't think she'd be able to deal with it.