how do you deal with people that try to manipulate and intimidate you in a confrontational way, without gettin

Question

aggressive back, and gettin arrested and in trouble yourself?

or for any matter how do you deal with people that try to intimidate and manipulate you in any type of way?

in the past this has happened alot to me, and ive not known how to react without losing control of my rage and getting aggressive and then puttin myself in trouble and in danger of gettin arrested....ive been lucky so far.
but i worry that what if it was to happen again, whilst out in society, and the concern of not knowin how to respond without getting aggressive and in trouble and put myself in danger of gettin arrested.

plus how do you deal with people in life that, condescend you, talk down to you, patronise you?? without getting angry and aggressive?
i hope someone can help as these are my main problem areas in life. cheers

Answer 1

i do different things, depending on the situation. i let no one manipulate me these days. i had enough of that as i was growing up. if someone tries, i simply ignore them, or turn on the broken record. that means i simply say "no" over and over and over until they give up. i don't get emotional or aggressive about it because i know the decision is ultimately mine. they can break every bone in my body, maybe, but they can't make me do something i don't chose to do.

now, when we go into the patronizing, condescending, talk down to you situation, what i usually try to do is simply and calmly make them look stupid. i play along, question everything they say until they're reeling and no longer know their own name, then i show them just how wrong they were in no uncertain terms. it's surprisingly easy, once you learn the trick of not getting mad or letting it bother you.

Answer 2

Eh, I know why I'm confrontational usually--I'm too prone to introspection to not know these days. It happens when you've been through therapy enough times. The problem with me is inappropriate anger. Meaning flipping the f=ck right out over the smallest things, even when I rationally KNOW I'm being trolled or played. Or more to the point, when I know other people like me are also being trolled or played--I can take some personal abuse but seeing LOTS of other people like me take it too just....yeah. It's not good. It becomes a "headache for days" issue then when I have to _bury_ the hell out of that anger. And I know where that comes from too, on EVERY level these days. Big picture and small, surviving the abusive/neglectful childhood AND the pop culture stuff that accidentally warped my brain too. It fits. Without creeping people out, it fits so hard it's embarrassing, to the point of its being summed up in one word. And....you get a star. :p There's no real reason why we _can't_ have thoughtful questions here even if it's a half "wrong category" thing. Open ended surveying is what it is. :D

Answer 3

Every situation is different so you might need to ask about specific situations.For example if you felt harrased at work look up your local ,state and federal laws regarding this and let that person know you will take them to court if they dont change.Keep your own nose clean .Also try to talk to the person first without legal or any other threats.
Keep yourself out of trouble situations for example dont go to shady bars were only rif raf hang out.
It is also not against the law to defend yourself if your being attacked.
But if you feel rage for someone just being angry with you maybe you have issues that havent been resolved.In this case you need to be more vocal about things that bother you without being angry.For example If you feel you need a raise then ask for one .But dont get angry if you dont get it.
asking questions here is a start.

Answer 4

I find that not responding to them works well for me. I simply ignore them.

Answer 5

I strike back. Some times I regret it but usually not.

Answer 6

To handle a volatile situation you have to first be sure that this isn't something that you're simply perceiving to be different than what it actually is. How do you act around people? Are you comfortable? It's very important that you're happy and comfortable in your environments. Fear leads to all negative emotion. Fear of what others think of them will cause people to bottle up and become unfriendly. Fear of being thought of negatively causes people to act rude and cruel to others. People will do anything to impress those that validate and like them, especially around teenage years. Really be thorough in your search to make sure that you are not the person being unpleasant initially for what you sow, you reap. That by itself is reason enough logically to be constantly bombarded by negativity. The only prerequisite to the methods I'm about to communicate is that the person must respect you. If they do not, I have yet to discover a logical way of getting such a person to accept anything you have to say as serious business. Now , the easiest way to get out of a tough situation is simply to leave it. Walk away. Stop interacting with those giving trouble, and mentally seperate yourself from their antics. Most people are those that under the proper circumstances will be changed when given the proper incentive. When individuals say something manipulative or confrontational, turn the statement or inquiry back upon them. You don't have to own their statement. The next thing out of your mouth after they state this should be something that uses the word "You". Perhaps someone comes up and says "Hey you are dumb!" never take possession of their insult by saying "I'm not dumb, who do you think you are to call me dumb, I'm going to.." instead, you could reply by giving them their insult back, because it's not the type of present you want. This is easily done in a Thanks-but-no-thanks manner. Say to them, "You must be really having a rough day today" which often times sprouts into their admitting that they really are having a rough day or are upset over something. I realize that when someone comes to me with a negative tone, it's for a reason that I know is their own. Every person on the planet is a mirror of every other person on the planet's conditioning. In other words, one's actions, representations, and their translations of the behavior of those around them reflect themselves in all ways imaginable. Wayne Dyer stated it best with his orange anecdote. If you squeeze an orange, you'll never get out pineapple juice. You'll only ever get orange juice out of an orange because that's all that's inside. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, who it is that's doing the squeezing, or what the situation is. Squeeze an orange, orange juice is coming out. Likewise, if a person has hate, fear, anguish, and so on within them that's what's going to come out of them when the situation fits the situation that they choose to release it. It doesn't matter what anyone does around you. If you don't have 100 dollars you can't give away 100 dollars. You can only give out what you have. So if you only have love, that's all you'll be giving away in such a situation. This is part of the rectification process of seeing the problems within yourself. Because if there's a problem that's the only place it could be. Nobody can make a fool out of you without your permission. That cannot jump into your mind, they cannot jump into the process that is you and make you feel certain emotions. Nobody can force you to feel angry, embarassed, or anything like that without your permission. People do what they do, sometimes suggesting to your conditioning that you should respond in a certain manner but it's always a choice. It's never something that MUST be done. Even if someone says this reaction MUST be done it is only because they chose that it MUST. This is why making sure that you're comfortable in your own skin and environment is so important. If you don't have the fear of peer pressure, if you don't have the fear of judgement if you don't have the fear, or even care for that matter of what others think of you, you'll be absolutely invulnerable to any type of social pressure whatsoever which will make it very easy to deal with any situation with love and understanding rather than reciprocating with the hate and disdain that may have been given to you. The more love you give towards a person the harder it is for them to feel angry towards you, even if in a group. Likewise if the respect issue we stated earlier is a problem, they will take this as an act of subordination and it will not result how giving love usually does. Knowing this now means that if someone is upset by you, it's never what you did. It's their translation of what you did that they're upset by. Yet most often, people would like to share their opinion with you on it whether it be with a gesture, behavioral mannerism, or in a confrontation. Naturally the universe has a natural harmony. Thus what is given is most likely going to be given in return. It's Karma. What you sow, you reap. If someone you don't know smiles at you from afar and comes up and says .. you know I think you're really amazing and I had to tell you.. and walks away you'll probably be feeling very good towards them and have a wonderful day the rest of that day. Likewise if your perceived enemy comes at you with something negative to say, the natural inclination will be to respond negatively. Raise the consciousness, sow different seeds in order to heal the situation. First and foremost, practice freeing yourself from the need for validation through other's opinons. What you do should be done because you want to do it and for no other reason. In this manner, it won't matter what they try to say in response to hurt you. You'll be invulnerable and if at best they choose not to make amends you'll have the situation solved for you and your serenity will be maintained in spite of their decision. You may or may not choose to show love towards this person but what you sow you reap, so it'd be a good idea. An important thing to be kept in mind during this is that an important factor of giving love in order to receive it is that you must actually feel love genuinely towards them even if everything they do implies disdain. People have sense acuity beyond what you and I can consciously measure and the more you actually feel love towards the oppressors the more your behavioral mannerisms will reflect it and thus the more effective this process will be. More specifically, The way to deal with manipulation is to communicate your standards. People treat you how you teach them to treat you. If you communicate to people that you refuse to be treated in a certain way, they won't treat you that way. This is done mainly by your actions and almost never by word alone. It's through being assertive that one can communicate their standards effectively. In another answer I wrote a few inalienable rights of human beings. I'll restate them. You can always:
1)State what you want regardless of whether or not you can get it
2)Express your own opinions and feelings
3)Make your own decisions and change them if you wish to
4)Decline from explaining your actions or to refuse to give an excuse for them
5)Turn down a request without guilt. You can say No.
6)Accede to a request but with capabilities of putting boundaries upon your level of compliance
7)Not be discriminated against, Discrimination meaning hatred or bias towards you for a reason of affiliation rather than character
If someone encroaches upon any of these rights, simply state firmly, calmly, and regularly that this what you expect and you won't take anything less. Bear in mind this all things having to do with you, thus are not aggressive in nature simply assertive. Assertive means standing up for your rights without taking anyone else's. Aggressive means being all out pushy to make sure you have your rights, and then some, because you feel that your rights may be being suffocated in some way. So naturally the assertive approach is the most appropriate for the circumstances. Being that you now know all of the nonphysical aspects of sorting out a conflict. Let's get to the more in your face times. To be kept in mind that, if properly applied everything stated prior, you'll almost never get to this point. If someone is being confrontational with intent to fight, I find the best thing to do especially is to not say anything to them. Fighting intent is a very stressful situation and thus becomes in almost a state of confusion from the pressure. Clearly the only thing at stake then is the outward opinion of the onlookers. Almost nobody fights simply to fight unless they're extremely upset to the point of being rash in which case their wouldn't be any time for conflict resolution, the altercation would already be at hand. Now, If they're picking or teasing you for fun and you're a child, the only thing you'll really have power to do is take preventative measures in preventing this situation from occuring again. Meaning avoidance and telling of the proper guidance figures who can help. For people who are big and can handle themselves, or atleast around the same age as their oppressors, there exists different courses of action. I remember a time where I had a slight conflict scenario and resulting in one of their friends coming into my workplace and threatening me, but my lack of interest and response and mixed with a constant focus upon them made them uncomfortable to the point of their simply leaving, yelling that they'd be back with a weapon. They never came back. Never saw them again in fact. Another disarming factor that I've seen is what I might like to call total compliance, or close to it. It's where they come into your face angry, and you say wow are you alright? and then exhibit a compassion for their situation unlike they've seen before. It's very important that compassion and emotion be heard in your voice, not to mention concern visible on your face. "Is everything alright?" "My goodness I didn't know it was to a point like this" and basically the reality you put into play is the one that is adopted. If you say please don't hurt me, they're going to hurt you because you just stated that you know they're going to hurt you and you wish that they wouldn't. The most important thing with the fighting intention conflicts is that you're really saying what you want to say between the lines, not directly in words. If they see you as a force to be reckoned with and you're silent still and sure, they'll become unsure as they yell and rant because it's a form of supplication. Talking is always a lesser form of proof than doing. By being silent you exhibit a confidence in doing that they're currently stating in yelling, which will psychologically place them at a subconscious disadvantage. By showing compassion and understanding to their situation, especially effective if alone might I add and less effective in group situations with peer pressure, you prove to raise the consciousness of the situation thus changing the outcome. And the last way stated to solve a highly volative situation is to say what you wish to between the lines. "Atleast you have the good choice in knowing that we fight, it'll only get worse" then stated with how you don't wish to make a mess of things and other very reassuring statements. Make sure you never place it to the point of blantant outward assumption, until you're sure that everything is on the path you want it to be on. Say perhaps he seems less volatile, "I'm glad everyone is calming now" All in all, they have a slight idea of how they're going to handle the situation when they begin it. If they really have intent to fight you, you're going to get into it. But if there is any doubt or rationality within them, you'll be sure to find it with what I've stated above. Nothing is perfect, but you're almost sure not to have any physical or territorial issues with anyone as you do this. Things will turn out much better for you than you could have fathomed before.