I think I did a good thing for my pregnant gf but am not sure.?

Question

my 5 month pregnant gf is going through a lot of hell with emotions right now. I am so scared and afraid for her and how she feels. I love her and want a family together but she dumped me two days after asking when were were going to get married.

Today I left her a note and a single rose on her car at work telling her I will be there for her no matter what and I understand her anger and pain and that I am in pain myself and I want to marry her and have a family together.

I dont know if what I did was smart or not. I was across the street where she couldnt see me and she didnt trash the rose or note and she read it and left. I didnt get a phone call but it has only been less than 2 hours. I am so sick with depression and hurt from the last 4 months of ups and downs I am going to go see a doctor tomorrow about depression medication. I havent eaten or really drank in 3 days and have lost 17 lbs. I cant sleep, concentrate, and feel weak and dizzy. I pray to god every night.

I know it is easy to tell me to get a grip or whatever but have you ever had that one person who you loved deeply? Was your best friend? I went to her ultrasound and I was frozen with joy and was shaking and smiling and have a picture of that day on my desk at work. I never imagined at 24 I would be looking at being a single dad. I know most guys dont let out there true emotions but right now I dont care. I am not going to stalk her or go to her daily to plead to her. But I just want to believe so bad it is just hormones or her mom influencing her and she will realize I am for real. So many guys run when they find there gf is pregnant and encourage abortion, adoption or they just dissappear. But that is not me! I cant wait. I cant wait to see that smiling face when I come home from work or to take her strolling through the neighborhood. I look forward to being crapped on and puked on by a little one lol. I just feel like my family is on the line and it hurts so damn bad!! I just pray.

I am 24 by the way and she is 24.

We both work. She works part time and I work full time with plenty of overtime. I make a decent wage and was planning to move in. I have full benefits and full medical, dental, and vision insurance.

Answer 1

Suggest couples counseling to her (that's not just for married people). Let her know that you'd like to marry her, but that it's not that important, that she doesn't have to decide right now, that the important thing is that you love her and want to be with her and raise the baby and be good parents together. Considering this was an unplanned pregnancy it really changed her life (and yours too), she might be wondering about whether you're serious, and about her career and whether she'll be a good mom. Make sure she's aware that you don't just want the counseling to talk her into marriage, but that it's also important because you two will need to communicate with each other if you're raising a baby together, even if you split up (I'm getting the impression you would want visitation rights and such).

But first, go eat something healthy and nutritious, a real meal. Eat at least 3/4s of the amount of it that you'd normally eat... eat it slowly, but eat it. Go buy some apples and bananas and such and force yourself to eat at least two pieces of fruit a day. Milk and orange juice are good too and perhaps easier to get down. It will make you feel better. Go to the library or video store and get something entertaining that doesn't have anything to do with children or relationships. Or go hang out with some friends (do not drink too much alcohol, 1 or 2 glasses is enough). Do that until your regular bedtime and go to bed (and unplug your phone before going to bed so that you don't lie awake at 3 am hoping for her to call at that hour).

I don't think you're depressed, I think anxious would be a better word, although the common antidepressants nowadays are also antianxiety drugs, so it doesn't really matter. Btw, they tend to take a few weeks before they work, so it wouldn't be a short term solution. I think some personal counseling for you alone might be more effective in the short run, provided that you can find a psych that quickly (it varies where you live on whether there are waiting lists).

It's not the end of the world. Things suck for now, but it's temporary. You sound like a great guy. [hugs]

Answer 2

You don't say how old you are, how long you have been together, how serious you are, if either of you have a job or a place to live, so I'll wing it.
Talk to a counselor or pastor that you trust. Then get together in neutral territory and talk to your girlfriend.Think about the following before you meet with her:
1] do you both want to be parents now? Are you physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially ready now?
2] would you marry her if she wasn't pregnant already?
3] will your families/friends be supportive?
4] no matter what the answers to the questions are, the fact remains that you two are now connected for the rest of your life- you are parents.
Get yourself straightened out before you make plans with the mom-babies need two good parents.
p.s. a rose- wow, big whoop![ one point-little effort ] A note-
YES! [ 10 or 20- more effort ]

Answer 3

I am sorry you all are going through a difficulty pregnancy. Is your girlfriend emotional just about the pregnancy or is there other baggage in her life? (No need to go in to detail). If its just pregnancy you’ve only got 4 months left. I know it seem long but it will fly by. Just continue to let her know you are there for her and the baby. You might also try giving her a little bit of space. Try to get out and have some fun, after all your life will be totally different once that baby comes, of course you are looking forward to it which is good. I think what you did was sweet, your girlfriend will likely look back on it and think that too.

Answer 4

All I can say is that was a very sweet thing for you to do. All you really can do is let her know you are there for her regardless. My babys' father is not in the picture and I am 4 1/2 months pregnant....sometimes all I want to know is that he is there for me...so I applaud you on doing that much! As far as she goes, she is very emotional right now. Although she probably wants to be in your arms, she is freaking out about becoming a mother and dealing with all the changes that are happening so fast. Just remind her that you are there...other than that....let her be. She will come around...just give her time.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like yes, she's emotional and very upset, and you are too.

You two are adults, so you need to be able to sit down and talk about your relationship like adults. Be mindful of what you say, insensitive things she may have let slide in the past will probably really irk her right now.

My advice... you sound like you love her. Ask her to marry you and immediately start premarital counseling, even if you don't plan to be married for a while (Hint: let HER decide the date). The counseling will do WONDERS, I promise. My pastor did our counseling with us free of charge and we saved like $90 on the marriage certificate.

The rose and the card were a good step in the right direction. Keep it up! There's nothing like a guy who's willing to take his share of the blame in an argument. Kudos for being understanding of her feelings at a time like this!

Answer 6

First of all, GOOD FOR YOU not walking out on her. Second, realize you aren't alone. There are a ton of resources out there to help you regardless of what you decide to do. You might contact some of these places to see how they can help. Keep in mind that some are heavily pro-life so if you want to keep all your options open, you might speak with something like Planned Parenthood who can discuss parenting the baby, choosing adoption or abortion. Third, good luck. Together you guys can handle this.

Answer 7

Well I know what both you two are going threw. I have almost dumped my fiancee millions of times its the hormones and I just get so angry and sad and I start to think all this stuff thats untrue but he make me remember all the good times and I feel a whole lot better

Answer 8

it sounds like she is very lucky to have a guy like you.

im actually having 'relationship problems' myself and am 28 weeks pregnant.
i can only tell you that we are very very very hormonal. not to mention the added stress and pressures of the upcoming parenthood. we want to know that everything is going to be okay. and that things will work out. and that we wont have to worry about marital or financial problems in the future. for me, at least, im crunching to get everything sorted out before the baby.
im not sure the background or history of your relationship, and what would cause her to 'leave'. but i do know that if its meant to be, then it will be.
i hope all goes well.

Answer 9

hmm do you want to marry her? if so, tell her that it is better for her insurance that she not get married till after the baby, or that she will look so pretty in a wedding dress after the baby. but if you do not want to marry her, then overall she made the right choice. also it sounds to me like you dont live together, and maybe that is the next step

Answer 10

Move on sweety.There really isnt much else to do.You left her a heart felt note and rose and she knows how you feel.the ball is in her court and its up to her as to what to do next.Hounding her will only add stress on both sides so not a choice.The Lord will take care of ALL things!....God Bless and may you find comfort soon.