My fiancee and I will soon be getting married but we can't agree on my name change. I would like to keep my last name and just add his on to mine but he doesn't like it. He says that he feel disrespected and he just wants me to take his last name. I tried to explain to him that some women add on, some women hyphenate, and others do take their husbands last name but he doesn't get it. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!
2007-04-30 11:45:09 · 15 answers · asked by Nicki 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe tell him your reasons why you don't want to change your name.
I asked a similar Q before, here is what people have said:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkYTXpG4XrRYxUKwl6fckdbty6IX?qid=20060821003537AAHzr9A
2007-04-30 12:23:30 · answer #1 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to take on his last name. You can keep your own or you can use a hyphen.
Women are the ones that have to do all the changing with credit cards, car registration, driver's licenses etc. and if the marriage doesn't work and they want to go back to their maiden name they have to change it all over again.
Your credit report looks like you have all these alias.
Your fiancee HAS NO RIGHT and I repeat NO RIGHT to tell you what you can and can not do with your name.
Before you marry, get this book:
The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say I Do
Author: Susan Piver
2007-04-30 11:53:44 · answer #2 · answered by Patty G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't see the big deal either way. You are you no matter what and after all you are marrying the person for who they are weather they call them self in the same last name or not.The only real reason people changed the name to begin with is for having children so that everyone had the same last name in order to carry on that name from generation to generation and to keep better track of those people in time.I can admit in the defense of your fiance that if you do plan to have kids, it is important to the man that the kids carry his name.So my advise to you is to compromise with him the best you can. If he loves you and realizes this is important to you no matter his opinion, he will learn to try and understand and be o-k with it..
2007-04-30 11:55:03 · answer #3 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depednds on you. My husband and I had a conversation about it before we got married, and I let him know I was keeping my name. This is how it's been done in my family, and this is how I wanted things to be. He didn't agree with it, but it really wasn't open for discussion; I felt it was my name, and only I could make the final decision on what to do with it. It is really up to you how you want to handle it. If you feel that this issue is not that important to you, then go with what he wants; pick your battles. But if it's extremely important, and you feel that you must insist on your way of doing things - then insist. I feel there shouldn't be an issue in how each individual chooses to handle their own name; but if someone else wants to make it an issue, you can either give in or stand your ground. What you do depends on the importance of this particular issue to you personally.
My husband dropped the issue after speaking to his parents whom he respects greatly. They told him - who cares, so what, big deal, the name is not important. Suggest your husband speaks to reasonable folks whos opinions you both respect.
2007-04-30 12:01:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my culture women don't change there last names period!
Tell him to be satisfied with the Hyphen and the fact that your children will have his name. Tell him to understand that by marring him you are still your own person not his belonging and that you don't want to lose your identity. My problem is I am hispanic and my honey is Russian (he gets on me too about the last name thing) But it will automatically be assumed I am russian to. no one will ever know I am a latina.
2007-04-30 11:49:46 · answer #5 · answered by lola v 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try using you maiden name for business and your married name for socializing. This is especially helpfully if you are already in a solid career. This would be a suitable compromise.Also try explaining why keeping your last name is important to you and consider any cultural reasons/effects of both.
2007-04-30 11:52:44 · answer #6 · answered by billie b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you look at it as a gift you are giving your husband, by taking his name. It's obviously important to him. It doesn't matter what some women do. He wants to give his name to his woman. Why don't you want to take it?
2007-04-30 12:15:17 · answer #7 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never understood hyphenating your last name and whatnot.
So...what will you call your children?!?!
Doesn't seem quite like a family unit if everybody has a different last name.
I wish I could help you in telling you what to tell him....but I don't get it myself.
If you aren't taking his name, why not just not get married? I just don't understand, lol.
Good luck with that though!!
2007-04-30 11:51:17 · answer #8 · answered by jezyka 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
tell him just because he is putting a ring around your finger, he doesn't have a say in everything that you do. It's your name, do what you want rather it's taking his, or not. this is the 21st centruy he has to get with the time. changing your name or not changing your name doesn't mean that you or more married or less married.
2007-04-30 11:51:09 · answer #9 · answered by bmoline 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What if you added his name, but had two middle names. That would let you keep your name as well as make him feel respected.
What is your reason for not wanting to drop your last name though?
2007-04-30 11:50:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he can't respect your decisions already, maybe you don't want to marry this guy.
Tons of women hyphenate or change their middle name. I mean, look at Hillary Rodham Clinton.
2007-04-30 11:49:20 · answer #11 · answered by amazing but clumsy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋