Help, Another Dr. Jeckyl Mr. Hyde?

Question

I have a friend who recently became unemployed and her husband will not assist her financially. She was fired after reporting abusive behavior she was receiving from her boss. He got a huge bonus and did not give her a penny. She recently discovered some money that her husband was apparently holding. Each time she asks him for money, he becomes verbally abusive.

She has always been there for him when he needed something. He was fired in the past and she paid all the bills. His motor went out on his vehicle and she co-signed and paid the downpayment so that he could get a new vehicle. She is a very giving person and he is very selfish. She is considering leaving him.
They have been to counseling in the past because he was physically abusive. She thought they had worked everything out, but it seems like his is displaying other forms of abuse. She says he screams at her and tears her down (privately) and then pretends to be the loving husband.
What advice should I give her?

Answer 1

This is an easy solution to your way out....
In my marriage I began developing my financial in rocket explosion. Through the years of marriage my wife and I were living in a extravaganza life...Like they say what has a beginning has an ending. I started to loose money due to my uncareless monitoring expenses. One day my wife asked me for a $50.00 bill to go an buy roast beef due to that she was going to have company for the evening. I took her to the mirror and I pull a $50.00 bill out from my pocket and place it towards the mirror and said to her see that $50.00 bill in the mirror. She reply yes. Well that is yours and this one is mine and i put back on my pocket. That day in the evening I arrived home from work and I notice that there were 2 roast beef set on the table with all the additives. I call my wife to the kitchen and asked her where she got the money and she reply. Come here over to the mirror and she pull down her panties and lift her dress and pointed to her private and said. See that in the mirror and I reply yes, then she said that one in the mirror from her on belongs to you this one now belongs to the butcher... So my best advice move on and find someone that is going to be there for you and you for him.

Answer 2

It's called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Narcissists will say ANYTHING, they will trash anyone in their own self-justification, and then they will expect the immediate restoration of the status quo. They will attack you (sometimes physically) and spew a load of bile, insult, abuse, contempt, threats, etc., and then -- well, it's kind of like they had indigestion and the vicious tirade worked like a burp: "There. Now I feel better. Where were we?" They feel better, so they expect you to feel better, too. They will say you are nothing, worthless, and turn around immediately and say that they love you. When you object to this kind of treatment, they will say, "You just have to accept me the way I am. (God made me this way, so God loves me even if you are too stupid to understand how special I am.)" The most telling thing that narcissists do is contradict themselves. They will do this virtually in the same sentence, without even stopping to take a breath. It can be trivial (e.g., about what they want for lunch) or it can be serious (e.g., about whether or not they love you). When you ask them which one they mean, they'll deny ever saying the first one, though it may literally have been only seconds since they said it -- really, how could you think they'd ever have said that? You need to have your head examined! They will contradict FACTS. They will lie to you about things that you did together. They will misquote you to yourself. If you disagree with them, they'll say you're lying, making stuff up, or are crazy.

Answer 3

Don't advice her just be there for her. When it is time for her to leave she will but she will need to know that someone will be there for her. Not in a half hearted manner.
You know droping your 2 cents and going about your buiz. She doesn't need advice she needs a friend that would be there. Why don't you give her some money encourage her to find another job, assist her to stand tall by herself when she realizes she can do these things without him. She can easily leave him.

Answer 4

Oh man. Yet another selfish man syndrome (SMS >) problem. I suggest she asks him to get help or go with her to counselling oand if he refuses she starts a one woman go slow / strike. Does he love her? Not according to God "by their fruits ye shall know them". Does she love him? If so, one is forced to ask "why?" given his behaviour. Yes it is yet another selfish man. If no children are involved and he will not go to counselling then I suggest a break of three months (far away) and if that doesn;t bring him round with an attitude change then Sianara.

Answer 5

I'd tell her to leave him. Most people who abuse others never stop, they just find another form of abuse, and think it's OK. Well it isn't, and I wouldn't put up with it!

Answer 6

Has she asked for advice? Or, is she simply crying on your shoulder, and letting off steam? Unless she has specifically asked- stay OUT of her marriage problems. Many spouses vent to friends and family. That doesn't mean others are welcome to bash their spouse. Butting your nose into someone's marriage is a fine way to destroy marriages, and lose friends. Be sympathetic and supportive, and STOP there. She'll decide on her own what she wants to do.

Answer 7

She's a door mat! People walk all over her! She needs to dump her boyfriend forever, get a new job, and get some assertiveness training.

Answer 8

I'd say she should leave him who needs that kind of treatment from a supposed love one?

Answer 9

RUN! She gave him another chance and he is still taking her for granted. This man is NEVER going to change! Do better!

Answer 10

Tell her to move out, get a job, and save money so she can divorce this asshole.
She can't POSSIBLY be happy with him!