I am going to be 50 soon and been married 3 yrs .I have always been healthy and have my own business for many yrs.Recent my knees hurt so bad I didnt think I was going to be able to wrk.My job is all me and without me it wont run.In the midst of all the tests medically it entered my mind tht I didnt want to be a burden to my husband financially or partner wise ! My husband has lots a money and he was a bacholer all his life and I couldnt get it out a my head tht he wouldnt take care of me had I became ill ect.....I think he married me to take care of him .I now am fine but is there something wrong in this relationship ?Im still shocked I thought this.why did I think this?
2007-04-30 10:37:20 · 16 answers · asked by jessy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He does everything seperate ,our money and I pay my own way on my med bills ect.He never offers any financial help.
2007-04-30 10:58:47 · update #1
repeat after me: "I am not my thoughts..."
2007-04-30 10:40:52 · answer #1 · answered by slippped 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't freak out! I think it's just that you and your husband were both older when you got married and had been very independent for a long time. Even though you've been married for three years, it can be hard to let go of that independence. I know I myself have always had a hard time asking people for help, and it sounds like you're the same way.
There's no way anyone can comment on whether there's something wrong with your relationship with your husband, but please don't beat yourself up for having fearful thoughts at a time when you were ill and vulnerable in many ways. You were just scared, that's all.
One thing I did want to ask--you mentioned that you thought your husband married you so that you could take care of him. Have you always had that thought, or is that fear something that came up while you were having your health scare? Is he a lot older than you? It wouldn't hurt for the two of you to have a conversation together about all this if you haven't already. I'm sure you'll feel a lot better afterwards.
2007-04-30 17:56:51 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are partnerships and if you the two of you are not equal partners then it's not going to work. You both took the same vows and if he can't commit to being there for you in sickness and in health you might want to re-think this marriage. If you think he married you so you would take care of him that's wrong and selfish. He should just hire a nurse with all his money if it's that big of a concern.
2007-04-30 17:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People always have thoughts that come across there mind. Since you are getting older and have only been married for a few short years your used to being on your own instead of being a couple, a whole, a unit. He is your husband and when you went to the alter for marriage you sweared to one another that you will take care of each other in sickness and in health. He is your husband he is there for you, you are his wife, you are there for him. Dont view it as terms as his and her money because you guys live together you guys share each others beds. Don't view it as using him for anything. You are his, and he is yours.
2007-04-30 17:45:17 · answer #4 · answered by The_Morbid_One 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
...not sure if your wrote your own marriage vows?
mine mentioned - in sickness and in health
for better or for worse
for richer or for poorer
etc. etc. etc. i know we all adapt them these days, but i think that's usually the sexist ones? recall your vows... and he married you at 47 - obviously aware you no spring chicken. Did you discuss him paying your medical bills? If he rejected responsibility financially and wanted nothing to do with you whilst you were in the midst of your trauma - yes, then if I was you I would be concerned. I think you need to reevaluate your future with him. Not live in your private fear! He is the only one who will answer your insecurities. Good Luck - for better or for worse.
2007-04-30 17:54:00 · answer #5 · answered by madlynn 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You picked him so only you know his character and his commitment to you.
Aches and pains happen here and there when you turn 50. Very likely it is nothing unusual. But it does tell you to begin to take care of your body, such as weight, diet, and exercise. After all, it is our body and while it is comforting to have someone around, we still have to struggle thru the aches and pains at night or moving around. So focus on improving yourself.
2007-04-30 17:43:57 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is ok if u think about this, so u wouldn`t be surpried in the future. Youn never know what u can expect from people.There is not much u can do here,just keep waiting and whatever needs to happen will happen.
2007-04-30 17:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by terracotta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's true. Maybe you should prepare for Long Term Care should you need it. Do you have an individual long term disability policy to protect yourself in the event of this happening in the future (where you may need more time to recuperate)?
2007-04-30 17:44:23 · answer #8 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
because what you thought might happen is an everyday happening in this world.
also :
i work at hospital and have worked in a surgery center and all patients go through similar thought processes.
i don't know why you would feel this way being I'm not a psychologist but i will say that it is normal
2007-04-30 17:42:34 · answer #9 · answered by killa' fo' real 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Need to do some soul searching, Gal. Sometimes our subconscious lets us in on "truths" we'd otherwise blow off.
You know the answer in your heart. Pay attention to your inner voice.
2007-04-30 17:41:23 · answer #10 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For better or for worse!!! Didn't you discuss all this before you married him? If not, it looks like you need to do so now. He should be there for you as you are for him....make sure he is.
2007-04-30 17:45:36 · answer #11 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋