my fiance is in debt(30k) and has asked me to "help" aka pay off heres the details?

Question

the debt is mostly from a bad divorce and "guilt money" for his young children.I have the money to pay the debt but feel funny him asking me for it.I would never ask anyone to pay off my debt but thats just me.mature answers only please would a decent guy ask his fiance to pay his debt off and how would u feel if he did?

Answer 1

30K is a BIG chunk of money to just turn over to someone with no strings attached. You worked hard for this money & presumably want to spend it in your own way-so don't do it. Other than the fact that it's your money, what does this say to your fiance? That you're there to pay off any debts he ever has? How will this keep him from creating future debt or stop him from spending "guilt money" on his kids? What happens when he doesn't have the money for shared bills-will you be expected to cover it by yourself?

It boils down to whether or not it's your responsibility. As you stated, you would never ask someone to pay off your debt-why? B/c you know it's your problem & your responsibility to fix. He may still be a decent guy, but he seriously needs some finacial training.

I'd "help" him to pay off his debt by taking him to see a financial counsler, getting him help with debt consolidation, maybe picking up the tab at dinner more often, etc....not by just writing a big cheque. Love & money are not the same, so don't let him pull the "if you loved me you'd do it". If you love him, you'll get him help so he doesn't end up in this situation again.

Plus as stated above, you're marrying him & his debt (& possibly damaged credit). Might want to prolong the engagement until he's able to sort this out.

Answer 2

I can only answer from what I have experienced in my life, which is not exactly the same. I have been married to a guy for eleven years and we started to have problems and we separated. At which point I learned that he had basically done a number on my credit score because he had managed the money ever since we had children and my time was taken up elsewhere. He had at some point began to "forget" to pay bills in my name occasionally but never ones in his name and had run up our credit cards and debt on needless purchases that, stupidly enough i didn't realize we were not paying outright for. I guess what i am trying to say is that for many people credit becomes an addiction to buying more and more. The fact that he basically asked you to pay off his debt indicates that he probably will expect you to continue to fund his lifestyle choices.

Answer 3

Yea, this is not good at all. To loan the money would make the nature of your relationship almost nothing but a financial one. Not good. In fact, I would demote him from fiance to boyfriend until he had this under control, because once you are married this will likely turn out to effect your credit in some way or another. He needs to prove that he is a responsible person, IMO, before you marry him because that kind of total irresponsibility, on top of the fact that he would ask you to loan it to him, would give me serious second thoughts. 30k debt is no joke at all, that's a serious problem.

Answer 4

been there, done that, hun. RUN. i was with my guy for no small amount of time and he's got a ton of debt too....from a bad divorce and child support for 2 kids....something about while he was in Iraq defending our country, his wife squirreled away his $60,000 tax free blood money and used it to put a down payment on her house after they divorced...not only that, she didn't pay the bills, cheated on him, and trashed his credit. enter me into the picture, i feel sorry for him, he asks for my help, i give it, and now i'm out almost $8000 AND we broke up. so yeah....no decent guy would ask for help from his fiancee...he would be a man and get himself out of the hole, and if he's not mature and responsible enough to manage his money without your help, then you certainly don't want to have anything to do with that. you should be his lover, not his mother.

Answer 5

I had a friend in a similar situation but she decided that before she was willing to marry him, he had to show that he was willing to deal with the debt himself, and he did. He consolidated all his cc debt and started paying it off. She didn't wait for him to finish paying off the debt before she married him, she just wanted him to be accountable for the situation he put himself into. They've been married for several years now and he's finally paid it off (now she has debt ironically). My suggestion: Have him "help" himself first and when he proves that he can and he's not just using you to bail him out, then you proceed with planning for your future together. It sounds like he just wants an easy way out of his financial mismanagement.

Answer 6

I would advise against it. Money tears people apart. Advise him to consolidate his debt into one monthly payment via a home equity loan, if he's a home owner. The loan is also tax deductable, so he'd get back a lot of that interest back.

Answer 7

Don't let him turn his "guilt" into your feeling guilty later for this type of help. Help him find a financial counselor and stay out of it. Are you absolutely sure he isn't just waiting for the money before slamming the door on you?

Answer 8

For the love of pete - don't do it!! He is using you and if you marry him you are going to marry his debt and then you will have to pay it off. Realize when someone is using you.

Answer 9

Honey, you need to KICK HIM TO THE CURB!! What man asks you for $30,000?! He's crazy! Girl, go and find a different man! You obviously have a lot going for you if you have that much dough sittin around.

That's wrong on his part for asking for it. Two wrongs don't make a right!! Don't do it!! Trust me!!

Answer 10

Get a "pre-nup" as you are not financially responsible for his debts he brings before his marriage. If he's not willing to assume his own resposibility, suggest you "assume the worst" and not "second" a loser.