My ex-husband lived in another state with our daughter. I gave him custody during our divorce a few years ago. I live in another state. I have tried living in the same town and he always pushes me to get back together with him and it does not work.
Now, he moved due to job reasons about 500 miles away. He keeps leaving me messages about our child basically being by herself. Her grandmother does stay with her.
My child is pushing people away and trying to fend for herself and take care of things on her own. The house is up for sale and she has to maintain it.
He is thinking of leaving his job because of the pain she is in. He left me a message that we should get back together for her sake. I don't think I can adjust to his ways.
What is my role in this? I am willing to take custody of the child if he gives it to me.
I am extrememely worried about my child. I don't know what to do.
2007-04-30 09:31:51 · 10 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well getting back together with him for the sake of the child is DEFINATELY not the way to go!! It sounds like he might be playing on not only your insecurities but also on your responsibility as a mother!!
What I would do in this situation is to go get a lawyer and start fighting for custody of your daughter again. Make sure the courts know that he is having a hard time finding (and keeping) a job, leaving your daughter home without supervision quite often and you feel like she is suffering mentally and emotionally because of this. Tell the courts that you think that your daughter would be MUCH better in your care then in your ex husbands care!
As for your ex... simply explain to him that he was good enough to accept responsibility for your daughter when YOU needed to get your life together and now you are doing the same for him. Tell him that until he figures what is next in his life that your daughter would be better off with you. If the two of you need to re-evaluate in the future then so be it.
What I am concerned about is your DAUGHTER!! I can understand that you and your ex are having problems of your own.. but dont you realize what she is going through?? First of all you GAVE custody to your ex (which I am assuming means that you couldnt take care of her yourself) which even if it was for the BEST of intentions... she still FEELS like you in some way abandoned her. Now, her dad has been moving her around, she has NO stability, she is being left unattended (and unappreciated) at home quite often and she is feeling NEGLECTED, UNWANTED and SCARED!!!
BOTH of you (you and your ex) need to seriously think about what is best for HER ... not EITHER of you!! You both need to come to some kind of conclusion on what would make HER feel LOVED, CHERISHED, WANTED and SPECIAL!! She needs security in her life and up to this point (I dont know how old she is) she hasnt had any!! That can cause some MAJOR damage to her emotionally down the road!!
I am sorry if that is not quite the answer that you were hoping to hear, but its just how it is!! I am a child of divorce (my mom in TN, my dad in MI), seen step parents come and go and have had my whole WORLD shaken b/c of it!! I am also a stepmother who has worked HARD (along w/ my husband and the REAL mother) to provide the most loving stable enviroment that we can. I KNOW what BOTH can do to a child... and believe me you want YOUR child to be in the supportive, nurturing, loving enviroment... Dont you!?!
Get a lawyer, Get your daughter back.. and HELP your ex "find" himself (without becoming intimately involved w/ him again) so that he can once again be the father that your daughter DESERVES!!
2007-04-30 09:46:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-08 03:13:49 · answer #2 · answered by Marlon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting back together or staying together for only the reason of "for the child:, IS NOT a valid reason. Two people need to be together because they love, trust and respect each other. It is great that you get along, but if the child is having emotional issues, and her/him being alone most of the time is a major factor in it; then the child needs to be with you. If you can now provide the time and effort to the child, then do- seriously talk to him about first letting the child come to "stay" with you for a while, enrole her/him in a local school, and you get to know them again-after a few months, then see how the situation is improving/or not- any kind of time you can spend with a child (positive I mean) is good for them. But being alone when they are too young is definitley NOT
2007-04-30 09:46:06 · answer #3 · answered by kparadise07 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get custodey of your child. Let himmove on with his life. Then you will know that your daughter is fine. Don't go back just for the sake of your child. If you didn't get along from the start then you aren't going to get along now. The child don't need to see any physical abuse. Think of the child and do whats best for her.
2007-04-30 09:48:44 · answer #4 · answered by Ready G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As a parent, if you have to take custody of your child you should do it. he shouldnt harrass you about getting back together again, especially for your child. if you dont love him and things are not working out than you have to make any kind of arrangements to take care and provide for your child. you need to tell him that you dont think getting together is gonna work out, it sounds like hes making all these excuses and using your child to get back with you and thats not fair. I think you should have a talk with your child and explain to her that things are not working out between the both of you, but that you both love her very much. its hard for kids, but they will learn to understand. divorce is hard on every kid, but if you guys are together and things are bad, hows that any better? sit down and talk with your daughter and ask her how she feels and whats bothering her, and try and work out some of the things that bother her. but you have to let her know that she has to understand whats going on between you and your ex.
2007-04-30 09:40:58 · answer #5 · answered by luvleebabygurl22 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he is trying his best to take care of his daughter given the circumstances and he continues to do so. He is not an abuser.
On the other hand, you didn't say anything about your job or ability to take care of her. If you work, you can;t take care of the child better than he now. If you don't work, you are counting on his financial support.
A mother does what is best for her child.
2007-04-30 09:56:36 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This poor child - Sounds like her parents are real winners - sounds to me that both parents have abandoned her - Maybe she would be better off without either of you.
Looks like both of you have let this child down - what a life she must have.
Poor kid!!!
Good Luck and God Bless this child!!
2007-04-30 10:19:33 · answer #7 · answered by kgperry70 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
i would try to get custody of her.
2007-04-30 09:35:19 · answer #8 · answered by colee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why did you give him custody in the first place??
2007-04-30 09:36:38 · answer #9 · answered by <3 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
WHy would any MAMA give up their baby..... Get your babay back!! ASAP
2007-04-30 09:56:15 · answer #10 · answered by Julie 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋