Me and my husband married too young, he cheated on me, but then we decided to work things out, but then we started arguing too much and then we realized how much we are different in personality and likes and dislikes and then he tells me he wants to be with me and grow old with me and spend the rest of his life with me, but right now he needs to be by himself and wants to be left alone and when he's ready for us to get back together he'll let me know.
But I feel as though if you really love someone dispite what you may go through you would stay together and stick it out. I feel by him asking me to just wait around for him until he finds himself and get his self together, thats not fair to me. I mean he was my first love and boyfriend and husband, and my first experience. I dont want to wait on him because who knows what he's doing while we apart, and It makes me look desparate. Its not that I can't live without him, its just I dont want too. But I also dont want to be no fool. HELP
2007-04-30 08:42:46 · 16 answers · asked by Survivor 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Survivor, Please believe me when I tell you that I went through the exact same thing and there is NO excuse or reason for your husband to treat you this way. You have just as many feelings and thoughts, wants and needs as this man does, yet you are supposed to put your life on hold and wait for him to have some space? Space from what? From you? That is not only unacceptable, thats insulting! Nothing hurts worse than being betrayed, as you have been already with his unfaithfulness...... nothing. It's almost agonizing. Now, after being given a second chance, he disrespects you with rejection and a period of solitude "to think." Think about what? Although it hurts incredibly bad and your confidence may be very low, you have got to find the strength to walk away. Tell him that it is very big of him to keep you in mind when he "feels" like being in a functioning relationship, but that you have had time to think as well and you deserve better. Walk away with your self respect and pride restored!
One last thing..... I know you want to know..... Yes, if you do this, and follow through, he will be back and it will once again be up to you to take him back... This man knows he's got you no matter what he does..... when he realizes he's lost control, he'll be back begging for forgiveness. Sad, but true... I only hope that this time you'll do what I did......... tell him you're sorry but too little, too late....... You're already seeing someone who WANTS to be with you!! Good Luck!!!
2007-04-30 10:12:31 · answer #1 · answered by Molly214 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might be worried that he is doing something behind your back when in reality he may just be doing exactly what he says he is. Taking a look at his life and where he wants to go. This is only fair to you. Sounds like if he is unsure about your relationship, that he doesn't want to waste your life away either. I mean, a man can find a way to cheat whether you're with him or not. He's trying to sort things out, give your husband a break and tell him how much you love him and that you will be ready if he wants you back. (Meanwhile start sorting out your own life and do what makes you happy as well) If you guys are meant to be you will be.
2007-04-30 08:54:43 · answer #2 · answered by Virgo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gurl, I HAD the same problems. Im like you, if you really love someone your not going to tell your partner that you need time alone and your own space. Thats not right. There ARE people out there that can love you and treat you even better and that will wanna be with you all the time. O, and the answer to how to get over the person is to find someone else. It takes your mind off of that person. You can do it. And your right. You dont need to wait around on him for when hes ready, SCREW THAT GIRL! All you'll be doing is waiting around on him to find someone else. If your going through this now, it will never change and you'll be miserable thinking about why he wanted time apart.
2007-04-30 09:14:38 · answer #3 · answered by keynu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A trial separation might be just the "cure" you need to get him back! Don't sit at home fretting over what he's doing or who. It will make you nuts and less attractive to him. Whenever you see him, flirt!! Act like you two are single again and tease, flirt, ya know all the stuff you did to win him over in the first place!
Men sometimes miss the "game" of dating and all that goes with it. When you get married, over time, we sometimes lose the spark that brought us together.
Your mission, if you choose to except it, is to bring that spark back into your lives!
If you truely love him, forget the past and keep your eye on the future!
As the old saying goes....If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be.
Don't give up!
2007-04-30 08:59:53 · answer #4 · answered by Lynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not fair to you at all. Don't fight to keep him, if he really thinks he needs to take some time, better now than later. During that time, really focus on you. Get yourself out there, hang out with girlfriends, and you will slowly start to find a new happiness within yourself that is not based on being with him.
It will not be easy, but it is definitely worth doing. Ya never know, maybe he will come back and say you are the love of his life, and it will be too late for him at that point. You may have moved on.
What will be, will be....
2007-04-30 09:57:26 · answer #5 · answered by Dr25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can't work on a relationship separated, sounds as if he is cheating, and wants to play awhile before he comes back home. he needs to be alone so u won't know about the other woman. he doesn't want to burn any bridges at this point until he is sure one way or the other. men only want to be alone if they are having an affair with someone else. keep your dignity, don't beg him, or show desperation, he wants to know u are still going to be there when he is finished with whomever he is having an affair with. leaving being alone is not the way to work on your problems, he is playing u.
2007-04-30 08:53:10 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not being fair!
Hun, my sister's husband pulled the same crap. It sounds like he wants time to go, sleep with a bunch of girls, and when he gets it out of his system, then come back to you b/c he knows you'll take him back.
I know its hard, after watching my sister. But the best advice for you is what I gave her. Move on. Be fair to yourself. Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.
Stay strong and good luck.
2007-04-30 08:47:59 · answer #7 · answered by sweetblueyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds 2 me that he's still having that little itch. trust me, there's a lot of us divorced people out there that's looking for happiness but let me for warn you it is lonely at times. the grass isn't always greener on the other side. i said that i'd never get divorced no matter how hard it got but after being cheated on twice and the affair was still going on i couldn't live with myself one more min. and i couldn't sleep with her one more night so i made a choice that altered my life. I'm still hoping for the good which i know will come.
2007-04-30 08:53:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like it's time for you to move on unfortunately...it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants or how he feels etc..and if he does, he may not be man enough to tell you. I would just move on, hang out with friends and keep your options open. I've dated plenty to where I've heard the "I need space" and "I need to be alone"...kind of thing, they didn't come back and when they did, it was too late.
2007-04-30 08:57:21 · answer #9 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like a confused woman with no integrity.
Actions speak louder than words is all I can tell you. He's saying stuff that makes no sense, and only flakes, crazy people, and liars do that.
My advice is it's time to give up on him and let him go. Don't let him keep you from moving on.
2007-04-30 08:51:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋