Paternity - Not my son... now what ?

Question

I recently found out that I'm not the father of my son. My wife said that she went to a party (We were still engaged) and she cannot remember what happened that time. Her friend who is now dead (Car Accident) told her when she found out she is pregnant that he might be the father as they had sex the night she went out with all of them. She thinks he might have drugged her. Not sure how true her story is and I feel like I was tricked. We eventually got married and now that I know, I don't know what to feel. I cannot afford to see a psycologist and I cannot talk to anybody about that. I realy no longer trust my wife and I'm very angry but. I love 'my son' but not sure what to do. I don't want to desert him, as she is not a good mohter either and it would break his heart if I had to leave her. Anybody else who this has happened to ? Pease tell me what feelings you experienced. I have a lot of anger not sure how to handle this anymore. Please advise ? Thanks

My son is 8 yrs old. We are very close. I don't think I want to let him down. I will alsways be there for him, but just very angry and not sure how to handle my feelings. I'm not sure if I ever want this to get out. The problem, is that my dad will crack up if he finds out. He is obsessed with his grnd son. The main thing is I cannot afford to leave my wife and not sure what it will do to the kids, once I can afford to. Also have not told my wife that I'm angry with her. She thinks that I this good man who loves her no matter what. But I feel betrayed. When I look at her I feel disgusted, but still don't want to tell her as she will cry everyday and make my life worse than it already is.

WOW. Thanks for everybody's input. I think my need is more psycological. Just some points. I knew the father, he was part of the friendship circle. Anoth point that was mentioned, my wife had an affair about 3 years ago with my best friend too. Another thing is that I really want a child of my own so badly. I want to see the my eyes, hand etc. She said that we should have another child but not sure if that will solve things. The trust issue is to big here, but I don't want to have a failed marriage. Once again thanks for all your input

Answer 1

Since this is still the boy you have raised, do not abandon him because it is not his fault and he needs a father. Your wife may have been drugged that night, who knows. This sounds like a very very hard thing to go through, especially with no one to talk to. You can call a hotline toll-free maybe and talk about it with a counselor. If your wife has never cheated or acted suspicious before I think you should trust her story, and keep your relationship with your son going (after all, it's got to be a blow for him too finding out his father is another man).

Good luck :)

Answer 2

I would do everything you can. This little boy knows you as Dad, you obvious love this boy. Even though you are not the father doesn't mean you have to desert him, you could be a father figure in his life or like a big brother, this little one will need guidance growing up and needs boy to man fun. etc. he needs you in his life. My father died when I was 12 granted I was probably a bit older than what your describing "your son" to be, but I my best friend which is 14 years older than me, stepped in a just did things with me every Saturday or every other for a few hours or so. He really helped me through alot of the years growing up. From what you wrote I see you as a dedicated, loving, caring father; thats something every little boy needs through there life, even if you may not be there all the time for him.

Answer 3

I know you feel like the victim....who wouldn't but the fact is look past yourself and know that the child only knows you as it's father as any child would. Does your wife love you? Does your child love you? Then you should love yourself enough to not make a big mistake bigger by doing the wrong thing forgive and forget you'll both be better for it. It takes a bigger man to be a bigger man no matter what size you are.

Answer 4

Is your name on the birthcertificat? The father is dead so I'm not sure but you need to seek answer from a lawyer. Like can you take custody or see it her parents or his can take custody if you plan on leaving you really need to seek advise from a lawyer.I believe your feelings are feelings of betrayal and I don't blame you. The whole not a good mom thing has made me alittle judgementa l toward her. Just talk to a lawyer find one that the 1st consiltation is free. Best wishes.

Answer 5

My husband had the similar experience, but it was in bad taste. The mother used this child as a manipulative tool on my husband and I guess when he found out it wasn't his it was devastating.
I understand your attachment to your son but I recommend that you guys come clean to him as early as possible to spare him some time in front of a psychologist and help him to start healing faster before the teenage crazyness and the stress of the world catch up with him.
I think you should see some counsellor to help you with this. Maybe you can see a lawyer that can assist you with legal rights but you cannot blow your own chance of a life by staying in a loveless marriage with someone you can't trust.
I hope everything works out.

Answer 6

My uncle is in the same situation except him and his wife were married! What he done is that he did leave her but she still signed rights to him to see the baby on the weekends, even some holidays! He does have to pay child support but in the long run he never has deserted his son and his son loves him even more for that!

Answer 7

Wow, this is a horrible situation to be in. I don't think I would believe her story about the party either. But, if you love this boy, and you are raising him, he is YOUR SON, even if you didn't play a part in his conception. And, you should do what is right for him, and for you. If your name is on his birth cirtificate, you are his father, and that means if you leave his Mother, you still have the right to see him, and even fight for custody. Either way it goes, it's going to be difficult for everyone. Goodluck with whatever you decide, and God bless you for not rejecting the boy.

Answer 8

u were there when he was born, you have been in his life for as long as he can remember, this is not the child's fault, continue to be his dad in spite of everything. sure your angry at the wife, and feel tricked, but think of the boy, he is your son in every sense of the way, the boy needs u, her story sounds fishy, and a lie. speak to a minister or pastor about this.

Answer 9

wow!!!! As for your son even if he is not yours and ur wife says his real father is dead than if u love him the way u say you love him then you should really be a strong part of his life. But his motherr if u camn't trust him then how are u goin have a relationship.

Answer 10

Divorce her and move on with your life.

I do not buy into that "I got drugged and raped" crap. Is bull s and you know it. She is trying to tell you a sad sappy story so you feel sorry for her.

Deceit and lies.. wonderful. You will have this cloud of suspiction over her.


She is NOT a good mother? Then get the children but you have to leave this toxic, full of lies relationship. She is full of it and playing with your head.
GET a lawyer and get out while you can before she plays the "I'm pregnant againg crap to trap you into staying out of GUILT.

RUN FOR THE HILLS


Good luck