Do you think I should forgive my in-laws, or resolve the issues but keep distant?

Question

After I got to know my in-laws after marriage I sensed they were false pretenses going on. Eventually I couldn't bare to pretend our relationships were fine, by hiding behind huggs and kisses when some people could barely make eye contact like they were guilty of something. For my B/day I really wore my heart on my sleeves, and when my mother -in-law wanted to buy me a U.V lamp to simulate sunlight energy in my home , I confessed the reasons behind my melancholy. Eventually, with much relunctance, she spat out what perceptions everyone had of me, and how they've ganged up on me, talking behind my back.Yet there were all smiles. I was in shock and felt like they were hyppocrites. If It wasn't for my first step, it seems they were not looking to resolve the differences, but would rather keep talking behind my back while the bitterness continued. I felt that she has also betrayed me, becoz she was part of the problem, but was resolving it with a lamp. She said she would initiate

the reconciliation, but shes figuring out that she will not see his son if I stay away from them, so I'm not sure of the sincerity. Besides , once bitten, I'm twice shy. What shall I do?

Besides, i barely have common interest with them at all, to meet them too often. i want to forgive, but do my own thing.

Answer 1

You can resolve the issue in your own heart....Forgiveness is for you anyway.....it's not about them.....You can forgive anyone of anything and it frees you to be Nice....the person you are meant to be.....They have the problem whatever it may be......don't allow yourself be swept away along with it.....Bitterness is a nasty thing. Kill them with Kindness....It drives them crazy. I know I Have Been There Done That!!!! It is hard, but you will be a better person for it.

Answer 2

If you want to keep the relationship with their son, you have to maintain some sort of equilibrium dealing with your in-laws. They may never love you like a daughter but you have to ask the question, too: is there any other woman who would be in a relationship with their son and not have the same crap to deal with? I think that knowing these people, you must know the answer: probably not.
So, knowing that they have this gang mentality (not uncommon in some families and in some cultures), don't waste your energy struggling against it or trying to justify your worth. You have little in common with them but some strong things in common with your husband. If you are melancholy, yes, it could come from this but also from other sources, too.
Accept the lamp and use it. Concentrate on bolstering your spirits apart from these familial intrigues. I'm pretty sure you have friends who have had rocky roads to travel with in-laws. Some of them are still in the marriages, some have left through divorce. Which camp do you want to fall into?

Answer 3

I have had some similiar problems with my in-laws in the past, and I live next-door to mine! So, naturally, I forgive and try to forget (being a Christian also helps with that). If you can't find some common ground, or if they refuse to try to be nice and accept you, the best thing you can do is not be around them too much, because that will just put everyone in an uncomfortable situation, and invite more troubles.

Answer 4

The bible says forgive and forget. Dont hold and grudges against people. Take a break for a couple of months and move on. It might help by talking to them but i dont know them. It will make you feel better if you resolve and them feel stupid because you are the bigger person. You want to have a good relationship with in-laws for the sakeof the family. your kids would want to see there grandparents and that happends with communication between you guys.

Answer 5

Weather we like it or not, in-laws are important factor in a marriage. If there is hostility between the parties, it will eventually cause problems with your husband. He will probably say you are not trying to deal with them, and your inlaws will probably say the same. It' is obious that you will not have a close relationship. Resolve your problems, and keep them at a distance. Don't be hostile towards them and they won't have to be toward you, now if they are, you can atleast tell your husband it's not cause you aren't trying. Let him know of the problems, he might be able to help, or atleast confort you. Hope my advise helps : )

Answer 6

When you marry a man, you marry his family. Some families act like this - it doesn't mean you have to respond. Just be your true and happy self and don't let anyone bring you down. Some people will talk about you as long as they know they can get a reaction - don't give it to them. You can't control other people's behavior, only your own. Roll with it baby & ignore them. By the way - I love my (now ex) mother-in-law, too bad her son was such a jerk.

Answer 7

I save a mag, in spite of the shown fact that it includes a myriad of issues, each now and then prayers....i'm no longer so particular approximately why i could degree a "success value"...i think of that form of presumes God is meant to grant me what i want like a genie in a bottle...my prayer centers on the artwork of Fr. John Keating and his lectures on Contemplative Prayer...yet I do comprehend your meaning approximately approximately having a prayer or want "replied" interior the way conceivable for my existence, and my magazine (10 years plus and counting!) is crammed with realizations like that! good question, you get a megastar!!!!

Answer 8

Congratulations in taking the first step to try and resolve things. This proves you are the bigger person. I'd say, to forgive the in-laws but to keep them at arm's length. You reall don't need her to reconcilate with the others etc..let them think what they want about you as long as you know how you feel and what's caused it. Your spouse should also step up to the plate with you and support what you've told them and that acknowledging the fact you are going to keep them at arm's length...

Answer 9

I have the same in-laws and my husbands aunts are also like this - all fake and nice to my face - yet when my back is turned, they are all busy putting the knife in.

I IGNORE them all and do not go to anything they host. Better to leave things alone rather than getting in their faces and calling them out.

I did have one aunt ask, why I no longer came around - when I told her about how I felt they treated me and I didn't need to subject myself to their actions. She looked surprised - but did apologize. I walked away, stating that she needed to apologize to someone that cared and that person was not me.

So be you......and ignore them - life is to short to worry about your spouses family.....

Answer 10

I have really, really big issues with my in-laws as well and unfortunately it puts my husband in the middle. I say stay true to yourself and do not let them disrespect you. I've told my husband - if your mom plays "nice" then so will I, if she doesn't - well, that is another story! Good luck!