Is it wrong for men to lie about going to the strippers?

Question

I knew of one time when my b/f lied about going to the strippers. That was a long time ago. I had a feeling and some evidence that he went last week. I confronted him and I was correct. He then admitted that he has lied four times in the last 3 years. His reasoning is "I knew how you would react if I told you were I was really going". So if he knows in advance that I do not want him to go does that justify lieing about it? I personally feel it shows lack of respect, communications, trust and responsiablity.

Answer 1

Oh, man I'm sorry that happend to you.

Of course it's wrong to lie about things like that. It damages the relationship.

You're right, he IS showing lack of respect, trust, responsibility, and communications.

You don't deserve to be put through that. Maybe you should go see a counselor about this, cause if keeps this up, you oughta leave him, it'll be his loss cause he decided to be a jerk and cheat on you like that.

I hope i didn't offend, I really wish you the best of luck with this.

Answer 2

Yes, it's wrong to lie about it, and you need to let him know that - and then tell him WHY you are uncomfortable with him going to see strippers. Perhaps he just thinks you're overreacting to the IDEA of strippers rather than actually having your feelings hurt by his actions.

Ask him how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot - I don't think he would feel comfortable with you going to see male strippers, especially if you lied about it.

Tell him that commitment means not lying to each other - if he doesn't understand that, then perhaps it's time to move on. Liars by their very nature will lie about all uncomfortable situations they encounter, and right now, you have no idea what else he's lying about. That's not good for a relationship.

Answer 3

I agree with you it's wrong to lie period. The question is motive what was his motive, was he lying to hide something that he did? Or was he lying to protect your feelings from being hurt? Talk to him, why does he go there, who does he go with? Perhaps it's a guy's night out where they go out for a couple drinks and show. Above all else lies have many purposes. For example, men have learned sometimes the hard way that when women ask how does this make me look. Most women don't want the truth and can't handle the truth in this aspect. It's natural that people's body styles/tone of skin, etc may look more flattering in certain types of clothes and less flattering in other types of clothes. This isn't only men who do this to women. I've heard numerous times women ask other women does this make me look fat, and the other woman replied no way you look great, then she proceeds to come out of the dressing room and laugh with another of her friends about how it makes her *** look fat. (That was my ex, and really one among many reasons why)
I'm not generalizing but instead showing you that there are different levels of lies and the motive matters. If he's doing it not to hurt your feelings then tell him I want you to be honest because you lying hurts my feelings more.

Answer 4

In my eyes it's wrong. If he lies about that before marriage what else needs to be lied about. All that does is plant the seed of doubt in you and without resolution it grows to proportions that eventually you won't be able to or willing to deal with. Honesty is always the best policy as date as that sounds, but it's still very true. Do you feel he's looking for something you can't or aren't providing? He shouldn't be second guessing how you would feel rather than just telling you he's going. The going is not a problem with me it's the lying and cloak and dagger actions that is a problem. Good luck.

Answer 5

My dear, we ALL lie sometimes. Yeah...with guys it happens
much more than with women I guess :))
The most reasons of lie is one - self protection. We lie because we want to cover the truth and we want to cover the truth because we know we do/did smth. wrong.
But... u know... it's difficult to control and that's why we-people always need the next chances :)

Now about going to strippers; If u do not like him to go to a stripper it means there is something bothers u about it. It's normal. And it means u r NOT comfortable, unhappy with the idea of him to go to strippers. So if u love each other u have to respect each other point of views and try to be more supportive.
Talk to him about that, explain him the way u feel and ask him to understand u and be supportive as u both love each other and u don't want to loose ur trust for him.
I'm sure he'll understand u as, I know, u r able to hold a nice and clever conversation by bringing up all from ur heart.

Good luck to u!

Answer 6

it's wrong for anyone (man or woman) to lie.

it's usually a really bad choice for anyone to lie to someone they care about, if they have any intention of having a relationship based on trust.

if he's not tough enough (or reasonable enough) to come up to you and tell you where he's going and either talk you out of being upset or deal with how you aren't happy, well... at least now you know.

personally, I don't like it when my bf goes either, but I know he doesn't go often, and I know when he does go, because while he knows I'd be happier if it didn't happen, he also knows that if I catch him in a lie he's in deep s***. also, he's not going to the strippers for any reason that makes him feel guilty - it's not like he's cheating on me on any level ... he's just going with the guys from work cuz they asked him along ... so since he trusts me he has no reason not to tell me about it...

like you say, it's related to trust, communication, and responsibility...

Answer 7

You know the answer to this question but feel the need for validation. Yes, any sort of dishonesty in an inter-personal relationship is wrong. Let him know that lying about going, is worse then having gone in the first place.

Once you sort this out, you will have to figure out how to handle the difference in values around this issue. If a satisfactory compromise can not be reached, you may want to find someone who more closely shares your values. There are plenty of men out there who have no interest in strippers.

Best of luck.

Answer 8

It is wrong to lie about it.
Almost as bad as putting him in a position to feel he needs to lie to keep you from busting his @ss about it.

Strip joints are not cheating. Why is it such a big deal that you feel compelled to make such an issue of it.
Why would he not lie about it?
He catches crap either way. Lie now catch crap later. Once found out come clean about all the other times. One load of crap for five visits. Not bad .
Way to reinforce bad behavior (lying) by making an issue of not so bad behavior.

If you find that this is a lack of respect then you should leave him now. Don't bother looking for another guy soon though.
Most guys in this country attend strip joints occasionally.
Get over it and move on.
Save being incredulous for a serious offense.

Answer 9

I fairly have a reasonably super opinion in this concern. in my view, i think of strippers at bachelor/ette events are very contradictory. It isn't smart to rejoice the undeniable fact that somebody's getting married by having yet somebody else to seductively dance on them whilst nude! of path, human beings provide the full "it fairly is their final night being unmarried" line. Ummm, no. Their final night being unmarried became the night in the previous they have been given right into a dedicated dating with their now-fiance'. the way i check out it, if somebody desires to pass to a strip club, that they had an excellent style of time to do it in the previous they desperate to get married and/or be in a dedicated dating. Celebrating by observing somebody who isn't your betrothed strip right down to the bare necessities (pardon the pun) isn't basically mindless, yet disrespectful and shabby.

Answer 10

The response that he gave you is a true response. He obviously had a good reason to think you'd flip out...you proved him right. The way to build trust is not to confront him about everything. Okay, you know he did this thing. Sometimes with men, you just have to keep it to yourself...file it away to use later. It is far more powerful that way. Eventually if you do this enough, they will feel like they need to "tell you" but if you get strung out about these things all the time, you are just justifying his behavior. Sure, no one should LIE...but your response to his bad behavior will just lead to MORE bad behavior or WORSE behavior.

Answer 11

If he's lying to you about this, what else is he lying about? I could care less about going to the strip club, but the lying, not having it. I wouldn't be with a man who lies to me, and goes behind my back to do things he knows I don't like. Nothing justifies lying to you. You are absolutely correct that he shows a serious lack of respect for you.