As a lesbian, how do I get past the shame/guilt I feel because of the homophobia I was taught growing up?

Question

In my head, I know that being a lesbian isn't bad. But I still struggle with shame because I was taught that lesbians/gays were perverted and sinful. Have you dealt with that? How can I move past it?

Answer 1

I'm going to guess it works the same way I got over feeling guilty about masturbation.
If so...
Just remind yourself all the time that there is nothing wrong with it, especially after sex. It will take time, but one day, you just won't feel guilty anymore. Just think about the fact that you are harming no one.

Answer 2

I've dealt with that very situation for over 20 years, and I can just tell you - it gets easier with time. Every time I catch myself thinking that I would love to be straight, just so I could be "normal", I remind myself that being straight does not automatically qualify you for sainthood. I was so confused - the Christians didn't want to accept me because I'm gay, and the gays seem to have a problem with the fact that I'm Christian (and somewhat conservative socially). I've caught myself thinking thoughts like "Why do the gays want to marry? It seems like such a waste of time!" only to realize a split second later that this is the situation in which I find myself. The only thing you can really do is take a step back and give yourself the freedom you've been denying for so long - get a nice girlfriend, take a gay cruise. You'll see that nothing so beautiful as two men or two women who can appreciate each other's form and spirit can be construed as a sin in any way. You're wonderful just the way God made you, and it would do Him a disservice to try to convince yourself otherwise.

Also - remember that you have allies and friends who have gone through this! Talk it out with someone when you feel down - it really helps, trust me.

Good luck, sweetheart!

Answer 3

This might sound like a glib, facile response, but a very dear friend told me this years ago and it really helped.

"When I was a kid, I believed in the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, and Santa. Pretty soon, I found out that those things weren't true. And now, as I get older, I'm starting to suspect that a lot of the other things I was brought up to believe might not be true either."

The only person whose opinions really matter are yours. If the way you live your life feels good, and doesn't hurt anyone else, what business is it of theirs? I hope you can get through this, and that you have good friends and lovers to help you. Good luck.
p.s. Having said that, I am bi, and am a FILTHY pervert. And I love it, too. ;)

Answer 4

You make a choice now....you can choose to believe this stupid line of tripe, or you decide that you are a good person, worthy of love, and a positive society member...your choice, not ours. You sit down, look at all the crap you have been taught, look through the crap and see it for what it really is...a form of control over you. IF we were to all decide that we are moral, worthy, good people, the churches would suffer loss of revenues...and that is exactly where all this comes from...MONEY! And yes, money is the root of all evil, and the stuff that has been piled on you is as evil as it gets. Wise up and avoid this bunch of losers....for that is what they are. YOU are the winner, not them. You let them win if you swallow this tripe any longer.

Answer 5

I've felt the shame as well. I myself am a bisexual female and my girlfriend is a lesbian. But you don't have to feel shameful. There is nothing wrong with it. I try to ignore people who say things like, "It's against God...and the Bible" and what not. Don't listen to those people. If they really cared about you or about people who are different, they wouldn't say or believe things like that.

Answer 6

Yes, I used to feel like that. It was hard because I grew up being told that LGBT's were sick and disgusting (in fact my family still routinely say that in front of me), it made it a lot harder to come out as bisexual.

I eventually got to a point where I just decided life is to short trying to live up to other people expectations of who I should be and its short to care about what other people think. I ended up changing religions as well, I couldn't be a part of a religion that went against everything that I was and am.

Answer 7

Because of Adam and Eve's disobedience, we all inherited the sin nature. We are all sinners. All of us can be homosexuals, murders, fornicators, thieves, adulterers, gossipers, addicts, gluttons or liars. Probably even more than one of those. We all posses this sin nature, which causes us all to be born separated from God and do the things that He has told us not to do.

Jesus came to the earth for the purpose of becoming the blood sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sins. Those of us who will choose Him as our Lord and Savior and repent (which means to turn away from sin), will be given the free gift of forgiveness and eternal life with God.

God doesn't want anyone to be lost. He loves us so much even though we are born sinners. He has provided Jesus’ sacrifice for us while we are still sinners.

Not choosing Jesus is the only way that we remain separated from God. It is then, our job to stay filled with the Holy Spirit that He has given to Christians (those who have accepted Jesus) for the help we need to obey Him. Prayer to Him and obedience is what God has ask us to do for our benefit.

Coming to Jesus for love, leadership and forgiveness is the way to have a better life here, a renewed relationship with God and the promise of Heaven.

Answer 8

I have seen that many of the people who say it's shameful, horrible, etc. have some really screwed-up ideas of morality. They insult people, have affairs, lie, and then some. Some are corrupt, like Tom DeLay. Some are even gay themselves, like Ted Haggard. I like my morality better than theirs.

Simply, it helps to replace those awful old tapes with new ones. As you love, make new friends, and get involved in the community, you'll be getting new tapes. *hug*

Answer 9

Get involved with GLBT community groups, find outlets to know the community to help empower yourself.
Learn our shared history as a community. (There are plenty of online GLBT history sites as well as physical museums, libraries and more. The Gerber-Hart Library in Chicago houses a wide range of GLBT oriented materials.)

Answer 10

well first off you shouldnt feel any shame, yeah its hard becuase you grew up with people that have such a negative mentality but no matter where you go people arent going to like the fact youre a lesbian and even if you werent someone would find something wrong with you to make you feel bad...surround yourself with people that love and care about you, like i said its always going to be there but hold your head high and tell them to kiss your @$$ and be proud..if they cant accept you then hey move on even if it is your family...dont be ashamed or embarassed about who you are...good luck hun