3 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant but my partner isn't ready. He had already left me last week because I told him that I wanted to keep it. He told me if I cared about him I would have an abortion and wait 1 year, because he wants to do everything right. We have been living together for 4 years and still not married, so first he wants to get out of debt, get married and have kids later. (He already has a 7 years old daughter from previous marriage) He is turning 36 and I'm 28, I feel ready, I have always prayed to God to get pregnant.
We are back together now because he thinks I will have an abortion, but my plan is to live with my family where I can get support while I'm on mat leave.
I know he doesn't love me because if he did he would respect my decesion to have this child. I already have accepted this fact, and the reason why I'm with him now because I'm spending my last days with him till my tummy gets bigger. Does he have the rights? I have already promised to God.
2007-04-30 04:17:24 · 23 answers · asked by Orchids 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He also used to tell me that if I ever get pregnant, then let it be, but it so happened that he just backed off. So far I got more positive answers than negative. I will keep my plan. I have strong faith in God.
2007-04-30 04:55:41 · update #1
P.S. I'm not looking for answers, but for people's opinion.
2007-04-30 06:31:45 · update #2
If he feels READY to have sex, then he must be READY to deal with the consequences! As he already has one child he is definately aware that sex does lead to children. You are better without him, he needs to grow up & if he hasn't by now then he probably never will! Do not let him bully you into an abortion, you & the relationship will never recover from it. If you choose the abortion you have to live with your decision & no man is worth it! Life as a single mum is tough, but you can do it. You should get away from him as soon as possible, the longer you are in his company the more he is getting what he wants, besides you do not need the stress, the baby can sense these things very early, & if you want a healthy baby it needs to know it is loved & wanted from day one, not surrounded by negativity, otherwise you are increasing your risk of miscarriage. Good luck!!
2007-04-30 11:54:14 · answer #1 · answered by Tiga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That poor kid :-(
Why don't people be honest with each other? Why don't people communicate and respect each other?
He didn't want to have a child, but you did, so you 'prayed to God to get pregnant' and, apparently, chose not to use any birth control, knowing that your child's father wasn't going to want to be a father.
If you wanted a child & your partner didn't and it was so very important to you, why didn't you leave him & find someone who shared your goals in life?
Sad. And, now a whole new person is coming, someone who will have to live in this mess you created.
Anyway - what can you do now? Why not start communicating & living honestly from this point forward? No better time than now!
Co-parent civilly with your child's father, being prepared to take from him what he's ready to give to your child. Obviously, he holds responsibility in this pregnancy, too, despite the fact that it would seem, from your story, that you kind of 'tricked him' into thinking you were using birth control. Even then, there's the chance that it could fail. He should have known that, too. But, that doesn't change the fact that he knows he doesn't have what it takes to be a parent, now.
Give him whatever help he needs to get ready to give your child what he needs from a father. Help him create a good solid relationship, without doing anything that would make him feel resentful or bitter about it. Try to help him see past your subterfuge & past the change you've forced on his life, to get to & develop whatever parenting skills he might have & accept the new path you've set his life on.
2007-04-30 04:43:22 · answer #2 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It kind of sounds like you already made up your mind that the reltionship is done. If he doesn't love you and will only stay with you if you have an abortion is a really unhealthy relationship to bring a child into even if he sticks around if you don't have the abortion. In this situation, it doesn't sound like it would last anyway, so getting married is a big mistake if he would stay.
I had our daughter before my husband and I were married, and let me tell you it was such a process to even get his name on her birth certificate even though I told them I know he is the father we have been planning our wedding for a year and a half, he nor I are contesting the father of this child, and still we had to sign all these forms and do all this stuff. Fathers really do not have many rights when the couple is not married. Technically by law (at least in the state I live) this child is yours, not his. Now he can go to court and contest that the child is his and try to be given rights to custody and such, but I do not think that he automatically gets them. (I mean who is really to say he is really the father of the child w/o him demanding a paternity test to prove it on his part. For all he or the hospital or whoever else knows you could've had some "secret affair" and the baby is this other guy's)
Now if you guys get married, he has all the rights in the world to get custody of the baby. A court might not grant it, but he has a good shot at least.
Don't wait to kick this guy to the curb. It will only get harder the longer you hold on. There are so many good guys out there that will love you and help you raise your child even if it isn't theirs.
2007-04-30 04:42:32 · answer #3 · answered by olsojl12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really think you're ready for a child and want it that badly, and are 100% sure that your partner will never want one at any point in the future... then the first thing you should do is discuss it with your partner and let him know this is something you really want and you're going to do it with or without him. You will probably lose your relationship. How exactly do you envision your relationship to survive such a thing? He comes over once in a while when you're not too busy taking care of the kid? Even if at first he agrees to it on the premise that you will take care of everything, he will slowly be driven away because your lifestyles will be too different to incorporate each other. So if you really want a kid, you're gonna be single momming it... nothing wrong with that, but you should be prepared for it first, especially financially... get advice from your family or a financial consultant on how much that's going to cost. Your kid deserves nothing but the best planning and forethought... make sure you have an extremely detailed plan of what to expect and how you're going to deal with it by yourself.
2016-05-17 08:42:53 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess he's pretty dumb then if he already has a child and doesn't know how they get there! Why wasn't he doing what he could to make sure another one didn't come along? I think he's using this as an excuse to leave you or control you. See him for who he is. This child will be with you forever. This dude you're with will desert you the first time things don't go his way. Keep the child, lose the loser. Leave him before the child gets here.
2007-04-30 04:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by Aiden 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HI! I am so sorry this partner isnt ready, to be honest he may be scared. I raised my son w/o his real dad for yrs and he didnt suffer, unfort. dad isnt here! But. to be honest god has a plan, and makes no mistakes! It could be this man isnt the one for you, becuase anyone can make a baby but a real father stays. I am not downing him or trying to mke it sound like he will not come around. Men have diff. bonds with babys' especially while still in the womb, they really cant bond like women can. A baby isnt the glue that holds you and him together. This child is precious and was gvn to 'you' for a reason, tke the chance dont give into him becuase you will regret this until the day you die no matter the outcome with this man your child will look up at you one day and "Thank You! I wish you love and the best for you, the father and this new life~ Congrats you shld celebrate and not be on his level....he too shld have thought about the poss. of conception while in the 'moment~ God Bless, write me anytime to help if you need~ Go have lunch & a sundae, you deserve it!
2007-04-30 04:24:50 · answer #6 · answered by private p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is a totally loaded situation. First of all, if he wasn't ready to have a baby then he should have strapped on the condom to do his part in preventing the pregnancy. The mess that he is saying about if you cared about him then you would get an abortion is just an excuse for him to justify his laziness and not taking precaution to prevent the pregnancy. Secondly, what is his definition of doing everything right? Is doing things right doing them his way, doing them your way, or doing things the way that God has intended them to be done. Because I can tell you that if it is the way God intended, he is already doing them wrong since the two of you are living together before marriage. I don't think that you can say that God answered your prayers by allowing you to get pregnant because if you have unprotected sex long enough it is bound to happen that you get pregnant. And lastly, why do you care what he thinks if you are planning on leaving him once your tummy gets bigger? Everyone has the right to their own opinion but he can't force his opinion on you and make you do what he says to do. You are your own person, so therefor you make your own decisions.
2007-04-30 05:05:52 · answer #7 · answered by benz s55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is terrible. No one has the right to tell you to have an abortion but you sound very selfish. If he didn't want a child now because of his debt and other things, you should have respected that and used protection, he should have used a condom too. If he isn't ready, he's gonna resent that child. It should be both of your choices to keep it or not. Not just yours. Thats selfish. I guarantee you're gonna "hit him up" for child support. That's what all you evil women do. Just because "YOU" feel like you're ready doesnt mean he's ready. It sounds like you trapped him and got him good. It's the other way around, you don't love him because you dont respect his decision. Having a child is a huge responsibility and it takes 2 people that really want it to make it work. Not one selfish person like yourself.
HEY RCD, YOU SAY IT"S "HER BABY" I GUESS SHE PUT INSIDE HER STOMACH BY HERSELF HUH?
2007-04-30 04:31:49 · answer #8 · answered by #1 Monkey Minion 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's not leaving you because you got pregnant, he is leaving you because you are forcing him to be a father against his will. His plan to have the abortion and wait until later is a good, practical plan. Please let him know the truth so he can move on, because the longer you keep lying to him, the worse he will take it, and the more he will hate you for it.
The only obligation he will have by law will be to send you child support. Don't be suprised if he wants nothing to do with the child outside of that, because you are giving him cause to hate you. You're being a total *****.
2007-04-30 04:55:56 · answer #9 · answered by eviltruitt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now everyone can cure infertility using this natural remedy http://pregnancyhelps.info
infertility can run in the family and one of the first things the doctor asks you when you go to a fertility clinic is your family history regarding cases of infertility or other reproductive issues.
If infertility is caused by genetic disorder then it's not unusual that one of the kids (your mom) doesn't have it and another does (your aunt).
two months of trying is still to early to be concerned about the fact that you might be infertile and it's also quite early to go to a fertility specialist. Go to a regular Obgyb to get a closer insight and see what ways there are are to improve your fertility rate.
Also remove alcohol, caffeine and cigarettes from your life because they might influence your chances too. Stress is also a risk factor when it comes to infertility.
2014-12-21 06:43:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋