My ex husband asked me to take our son because he was studying. He only has him every other weekend. He is only doing 1 course. Our son called him on Saturday night and he was not home. He was out to dinner. I got very angry with my ex (out of the hearing range of our son) He does not get how this impacts him. His Dad told him he could not take him this weekend because he had to study and when he calls him he was not at home. I heard my son ask him where he was. It frustrates me that he can't seem to arrange his life so that his studying does not interfere with his limited time with his son. I have talked to him about this but he gets defensive and tries to tell me he does not have the time. I get angry because I know how much time he now has since he left our marriage for another woman. He says I stress him out too much when I get upset so now we do not talk at all. Am I wrong?
2007-04-30 03:43:51 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my ex had supervised visitation with my son. we did it through my sister so he wouldnt have to pay to see him and he still wouldnt show up. we marked the occassions down and it has been five years now since we have heard from him. we will be getting his rights revoked pretty soon. so no i do not think you are over reacting you have a right to be mad. he is hurting your son. your son will one day say he doesnt want to go to his dads and you shouldnt make him go. good luck.
2007-04-30 04:12:19 · answer #1 · answered by becca_2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you may have a right to be upset. You need to remember that as a parent what is best for your child is your FIRST priority. If your ex doesn't want to spend time with your child, you can't make him and forcing him to, might have a negative impact on your son. Don't pressure him to be there if he would rather not. Who knows, he might take it out on the son.
The best thing (in my opinion) to do is to try and alleviate your son's disappointment when his father doesn't have time for him. Don't make excuses for his father, build expectations for the child or put the father down in the child's eyes. Just be the best parent you can. I am sure your son will appreciate all that you have done for him and with time he will see why his father isn't there for him, he doesn't need you to tell him, or cover up for his father.....that will just add to his disappointment.
I hope this is helpful for you. I have lived through this experience and my two adult daughters appreciate me handling the situation this way.
2007-04-30 11:32:20 · answer #2 · answered by deb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well with havening been in this situation twice now he is not running from his son he is running from you so he doesnt have to hear the nagging anymore that is probably why he found some one else im not trying to be mean i am just giving you a idea of what could be happening if he doesnt see his son he doesnt have to deal with you try to actually talk to him with out blaming and try to work it out with each other to where your son wins not you or your ex . Your ex will be the one who is going to loose if he doesnt spend time with his son .Your son will get older and have his own opinion about his dad and his dad will be the one to blame if its a bad opinion not yours do all you can with in your realm the rest will be up to your Ex but your son will always remember his momma and everything she has done for him when the dad wasnt there
2007-04-30 10:55:53 · answer #3 · answered by rick k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your'e wrong at all. It's shame that parent(s) act this way and even put the children in the middle. I'd say in this case, tit for tat. If he's "so busy" with going to dinner and "studying" when it's his turn, let him know you've made other plans with him. This is a common situation and my significant other is going through this same thing right now with his ex girlfriend. Personally, if I get frustrated enough , I put my foot down and take control of the situation. If he gets mad, let him get mad. Don't explain things out of spite, do things that will be more fullfilling for the child, you know? Eventually, your son will get old enough and see how things really are and will make his own decision on who he wants to spend time with, you know? Good Luck!
2007-04-30 10:51:05 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't wrong. He is affecting your son. Kids notice the little things, like him not being at home when supposedly he is studying. Your son may think there is something wrong with him and that is why his dad doesn't want to spend time with him. You need to have a frank conversation with your ex. If he isn't willing to spend time with his son then he can come see him at your house when he gets the time so that your son still has structure and love in his life.
2007-04-30 10:50:55 · answer #5 · answered by prettyblueeyes101010 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate arguments like this -- I can definitely see why you're frustrated. However, by "like this" I am not referring to the content of this argument. What I mean is that your ex has suckered you into arguing over something false: whether he has enough time. You see that he has enough time -- it's obvious! The problem here, the elephant in the room that nobody will mention, is that your ex does not want to spend time with his son. Now, I don't blame you for avoiding discussing that fact, and your ex would probably even deny it outright. But there it is, and that is the fact of the matter. Not only is not prioritizing his time in order to see his son not worth it to him, but he also is actively making excuses to avoid the boy. You are going to have to grieve the loss of your hope that your ex might be a father figure to his son, because it looks like he has chosen, unconsciously at least, not to be a real father. So very sad!
2007-04-30 10:58:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are wrong to think you can change him. Your son will soon learn if he hasn't figured it out yet that his Dad is unreliable. Nothing you can do can change that and it is on him not you. When he disappoints your son just tell your son that you are sorry. Don't make excuses or call the bum and yell, it won't help. Just make sure you are always there for your son and he will get though this.
2007-04-30 10:51:06 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I think u have every right to be upset. Your ex sounds very selfish. The only time he has to see his son he is too busy!!! If that was the only time I got to spend with my child nothing would get in the way of me having time to spend. Best of luck to u.
2007-04-30 10:50:00 · answer #8 · answered by brittevans13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex sounds like a jerk... I couldn't imagine not wanting to see my son. He is the reason I get up every morning and go to work. I work full time, attend college two nights a week and still spend every other waking moment with my boy. Its called being a parent!! No you are not wrong!!
2007-04-30 10:49:18 · answer #9 · answered by Chelsea Shrimper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you do have a right to be upset. I just have a question, why can't he study when your son is over there? maybe if all three of you sat down and your son expressed his feelings maybe dad would wake up.
2007-04-30 10:49:49 · answer #10 · answered by ga_peach64131 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋