When my husband gets drunk he blames me for cheating on him when I havent?

Question

o.k. heres the story. We had been dating for about 6 years and broke up and before we got back together I slept with a freind of his only once. Whenever he gets drunk or we get in a fight he brings it up and throws it in my face calling me a whore, I thought that when I told him and he forgave me for it, we put that in the past. What would you do if he kept holding it over your head? It was a mistake and like a year before we got back together and he always asks me if I have cheated on him recently and I am totally commited to him and would never do that. I always have to remind him that it was before we got back together and before I had any hope of us getting back together. Am I wrong? Should he treat me this way?

Yes, he has a drinking problem and no, he doesnt do this when he is sober. AND I DIDNT CHEAT ON HIM WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER we had been broken up for a while. Thanks to all for the answers

Yes he slept with someone while we were broke up too.

Answer 1

I think that your husband loves you very much and that's why each time that he gets drunk he calls you whore because he puts out the jealosy he still feels inside for the fact that you went to sleep with his friend. Even if you were not with him in that moment,he feels that you betray him by sleeping with his own friend. And as a man in love this always disturbs him each time that he happens to think you had sex with another man...In a certain way he never thought that you could have done such a thing to him,he has lost some trust,lets say now he trusts you only 90% no more 100% as before.
Each time he'll feel that he's not getting your attetions he'll think that maybe you're seeing another man. This always happens in cases where a man feels that his partner has broken the trust he had.
Even after you 2 decided to return together you told him everything and he told you ok lets put it in the past,he still lives with this shock(he didn't show you but surely he was shocked to imagine his lady with his best friend).
Try to understand your husband,I know you too suffer when he calls you whore ect,what you have to do when he behaves so is only to respond gently"I love only you". for whatever he'll say in anger answer only this to him. In the end he'll feel sorry for continuing to not trust a wife who keeps on telling him that she loves only him. If you'll bahave badly with him when he is drunk and callyou bad things,your situation with become worse because he'll be more convinced that you have another man in your life and that's why you are telling him these things:He won't understand that u felt bad for the bad things he told you. Try to win again his trust 100% by showing him your love,by always hugging him,giving all your attentions,and keep on telling him loving things every day even when he's drunk. You'll see he'll change.
Good luck from Bella

Answer 2

Well, you didn't cheat on him. So, when he throws it up in your face then you just need to tell him point blank that you didn't cheat on him. You were not in a commited relationship with him at the time. Your agreement as a broken up couple was that you could see whomever you want.

Now, the fact that you slept with his friend might be an issue. Because it's someone he knows. And maybe you should ask him if it's that you slept with someone else or slept with his friend that really bothers him. Because it isn't cheating because you didn't cheat.

You also need to make it clear to him that everytime he does this that it has a damaging effect on your relationship. He decided to get back together with you and ultimately marry you. And when he did that, certainly he had to realize what you had done and that acting this way is going to harm his marraige.

And finally, this happens only when he's drunk? Well, how often is he drunk? Usually behavior like this that accompanies drinking signifies a potential drinking problem that he needs to address.

Answer 3

Listen sweetie, {usually I say listen baby,but now im starting to like you).

I really feel bad for the position u are in. That stuff is taboo--what u did with your mans friend.
is not cool.

Now what u did even thjough in reality there is nothing wrong with and you have every right to as two consenting adults, you crossed the line in a guys world.

The way a guy sees it-you dont pull the mask off the lone ranger and you dont do your guys friend, even though u were broken up.

Now, with all that said. This is another nail in that coffin u call a relationship.
A guy can forgive you for that but as hard as we try we can never forget. Your value in his eyes and heart has dropped. That stuff hurts real bad--picturing your girl w/your friend is 10x worse than a stranger. You will suffer this attack whenever he gets drunk because that is when it is easy for him to tell u what he thinks--and he thinks u are a whore--sorry sweetie.

Now listen sweetie. you are NOT a whore and what u did does not give your man the right to treat you with such disrespect. (Oh,u deserve a few punches) but u should not be there to be his personal punching bag--Dont accept that crap.You guys really got some issues to figure out and its not going to be possible if he is drinking everyday.

This is your bed sweetie

Luv ya, Vegas

Answer 4

First of all, it sounds as though you need to have a talk with him about his drinking. You said that he does have a drinking problem, so I assume that you two have discussed this before. His getting drunk is absolutely no excuse for him to treat you in this manner and call you names. I would make it clear to him that #1....You are no longer going to put up with his bringing up what occurred in the past while you were not together. And #2....he had better get help, get sober and stay that way. You were broken up at the time that you were with the other man. Therefore, you had every right to move on with your life and pursue other relationships. If he cannot accept this and act like a mature adult....that is his problem. You should not be made to continually pay for what happened, nor should you be made to feel bad about what occurred! Sounds to me like you are married to a drunk who obviously is under the impression that you are willing to continue to accept this type of behavior and treatment. Question is....are you?

Answer 5

No he shouldn't be treating you this way and you shouldn't be putting up with it. IF this only happens when he is drinking limit his drinking, let him get the buzz but not drunk. You and he have issues with the past and he needs to learn how to put it behind you, as long as your past is right here in your face how are you going to move forward. Have you asked him if he slept with anyone while you were split up? If he did then whats the difference and what is the big deal any way, you we rent together so how can that be classified as cheating on him?

Answer 6

He is not over it is he? You need to sit him down when he is sober and talk about it and see a counsellor because this is a very serious issue. You never know if revenge or anything like that is going through his mnd. You are not wrong and he certainly should not treat you this way. He may have forgiven you (or not) but he certainly isn't tryng to put it behind you if he brings it up all the time. All the best. And by the way, why does he get drunk? Thats for you to think about.

Answer 7

This is a bad situation that you are in, and kinda worries me. If you were single at the time you slept with this friend then no, you are not in the wrong.
It is also normal that he would feel bad for a multitude of reasons. A friend knows his girlfriend/wife intimately, which would not have happened if he had shown how much you really meant to him to begin with kinda thing. He's feeling guilt in other words. Which is also normal.
The scary thing is that the alcohol and abuse is involved. Alcohal makes things complex on the level of quantum theory. You can try counciling to try to salvage your relationship. But I don't really know how well that would work.
The main thing is that you do not deserve any type of abuse. And the abuse may get worse. As you speak with him about how you feel remind him of where alcohal and verbal abuse usually lead. His reaction will point you in the direction you need to head next.

Answer 8

Obviously he has not been able to get over it. People can forgive, but they will never forget. However, even if he is reminded of it, he should not keep throwing it in you face. If he keeps doing this, the relationship will never work out. If he can't talk to you and work through this, then you need to split up b/c it will always be a problem in your marriage. You need to sit down with him when he is not drunk and talk about what happened. If you've already done that, tell him he can't expect this marriage to work if he throws that in your face all the time. He has to get past it if he wants to keep the marriage.

Answer 9

He shouldn't treat you like that and you shouldn't have to deal with it. #1 he needs to stop the drinking if that's the only time he does it (speaking from experience here) #2 Is he actually feeling guilty about something he's doing or did? You didnt do anything wrong. You guys weren't together so why does he think he has a right to tell you want to do? If he can't trust you, then it's HIS problem...and if you are truly committed to him, and he still doesn't trust you, he doesn't deserve you

Answer 10

No, he should not treat you that way, but you say this is happening while he's drunk. I'm more concerned about the question of does he have a drinking problem? I'd suggest marriage counseling, and talking to him (while he's sober) about this. I'm also concerned that if he's saying this while intoxicated, what's also happening? Is he violent, or working up to that? See a marriage counselor, and consider the fact that he may be drinking too much. Good luck.