i think im ready?

Question

im 16 and i ave al ready had a miscarrage this year....me and my fiance really love kids and we have talked about haveing kids! we have talked about jobs and school and that no matter what we are both going to finish school and go to college...and that a baby wont hold us back....and we both want one.....we are both sophmores and i have already been pregnant and had a misscarrage...but now i want a baby! i dont want to feel empty! iknow that we can do think i just need some advice

Answer 1

You are making a HUGE mistake. You are not ready to have a baby. Finish school and college first. Get a good job first. Do all of these important things first and then have a baby. That way you will be able to put your baby first. Your baby deserves a better life than that. You will only be making a big mistake

Answer 2

Sweetie you're only 16.

You had a miscarriage because your body isn't ready to support a baby. Don't force your body to do something it's not meant to do yet.

Just because you can get pregnant doesn't mean you should.

I am 20 and I still wouldn't imagine having a child yet. I'm in a very long term relationship, have money to support a child, a nice home, but I'm a college student. My current job to be honest sucks. If I were to have had a child at 16 like my friends I'd be doing what my friends are doing now. Sitting at home taking care of a child living off the government. None of them have finished high school, none will go to college and they're depending on the government for income. Most are also single mothers because the guy who said he'd never leave- did leave.

I'm not going to tell you what to do since I'm not your mother but I think you should atleast finish high school before trying to get pregnant again. Also why be engaged so early in life? You have no idea what's out in the world after high school.

You need to figure out why you feel empty. It's not because you don't have a child. Trust me that's not it.

A baby is going to hold you back on college. I know this as a college student right now. College is by no means cheap. My books alone for 1 semester were $700. My tuition was $1400 for one semester.
Next semester is going to be even more expensive for books and tuition. Plus I have car insurance, rent, car payments, normal house bills, etc etc etc.
Where are you going to live with this baby? you can't live at your parents when you have a child. that's not right.
How are you going to buy diapers and formula?
Who is going to drive that baby to the hospital in the middle of the night when it has a fever of 104.
Who's going to pay the hospital bills? Sweetie it isn't cheap to give birth(unless you have good health coverage but even then don't count on it).

Did you know it cost on average $55 000 to raise a girl that's only food, water, clothing, and the basic needs. For a boy it's $57 000. That doesn't include christmas and birthday gifts, sports or music lessons, private schooling or college.
I don't think you or your boyfriend can afford that.

You'd be bringing a child into the world that you can't afford and that's not fair to the child.

Stop thinking about yourself and think about the life the child would have. It wouldn't have a good life. Love doesn't buy food, a home, a good education, clothing. I'm sorry but it doesn't.

I love children too. That's the main reason I'm in the career that I am. I have 2 nephews that I love so much that I never see anymore because I moved away. But I am smart enough to know that $105 a year for birth control pills is what I'm willing to spend not thousands a year on a child.

Answer 3

Ahhh don't worry, I know the feeling. :/ Well, try masturbating instead. Do it as frequently as you have to. Sex is a major step. I know your hormones seem so uncontrollable, but sex will feel amazing when it's with the right person, and at 15, there's a very small chance you'd spend the rest of your life with your partner. Also, you might get pregnant. Then you'd have to go through so many choices - keep the baby, give it up for adoption or abortion. Then there's dealing with your family. People might start labeling you. If your partner has frequent sex, he might even have an STD..it could be something treatable like Gonorrhea, or something severe like HIV. Condoms can break sometimes. You can go on birth control though, but they can cause side effects sometimes. If in the end you choose to have sex, do it responsibly. Try to double up condoms and take the morning after pill to avoid any chance of pregnancy. You can also use a spermicide along with the condoms so that you won't get pregnant. About the pain..it might hurt a bit the first time 'cause you're tight down there. But by the second or third time it'd be all okay. :) It's not pain you can't tolerate, or so I've heard (I'm a virgin). Anyways, please be responsible. I highly suggest masturbating instead..as of now though, don't buy any sex toys. Just use your fingers and make sure you wash your hands! If you want to use something else, get an electric toothbrush, and make sure it's clean before you hold it against your vagina. Don't push anything in, it might cause an infection. Try watching porn and masturbating, or whatever else turns you on. Try to avoid sex as much as possible. In the end, it's up to you. Choose wisely. Watch Laci Green on Youtube. She has a lot of videos in relation to bodies, sex etc. so maybe her videos can help. Good luck! x

Answer 4

Are you nuts ? Seriously. You have NO IDEA what you are getting in for. I work in daycare and i see a LOT singles and marrieds who got knocked up as a teen and are struggling to get through school, with a child. If you are having a child just because YOU don't want to feel "empty" that's pretty selfish. How are you both going to handle school when daycare calls and informs you that your child has a fever and can't return for at least 24hrs after the fever is broken (without doping the kid up on meds) - and you have a exam or group project due. Your very attitude indicates that you are not ready to have a child. Stay with your boyfriend, finish school THEN have your child. You won't be benefitting your child or yourself by getting knocked up now. You're still a child yourself, who's just capable of having babies.

Having a baby isn't just existing in some fantasy world where you've got the man, baby and manage school and all that. Sorry, it doesn't work that way in the real world. Trust me, i know

Answer 5

Okay, dear. Let me lay it out for you. Baby = LIFE ALTERING!!! I'm 28, a college graduate, married to a man who has a wonderful job, and my daughter is 15 months. I STILL can't go back to work!! Day Care would be so expensive, it wouldn't matter HOW much I earned working!! You have to deal with the up-all-nights, the screaming when they start teething, the spit-up, and the smelly diapers at all hours. Not to mention that pregnancy isn't exactly what you would consider easy.

This all goes without saying that your social life will be over, you should forget about EVER wearing a bikini again, you won't be able to finish a five-minute phone call because the baby will want something, all your furniture will be ruined with gouge marks from where the baby bangs her toys into it...I could go on, but I won't.

Before you think otherwise, I love my daughter more than life itself, and would never trade her for anything. HOWEVER...you are SIXTEEN!! I "knew" what I wanted at sixteen, then went to college and got a taste of what was really out there, and it was AMAZING! Don't deny yourself the wonderful things that are out there for you. Your fiance' should support you in this.

It will be SO much better having a baby when you are TRULY ready...rather than having one now and living with regrets the rest of your LIFE.

P.S. - The "empty" feeling will get worse if you have a baby now...because your friends will drop you, you will have no life, and I doubt that your parents are going to be thrilled with the idea of being grandparents right now.

Answer 6

You believe a baby won't hold you back from college, but it will.

It seems you've posted this same question twice as I already answered this question. The age, and miscarriage are all the same info.

Sophomores in highschool need time to be free of the extremely serious responsibilities that raising a child brings. If you want children, that's great, but you need time to be free and enjoy life. You have many years ahead of you, and you should have fun and play at this time of your lives.

Once you have a child, you have to give up your freedom. You can't afford to be foolish, or make mistakes as you have a life you are responsible for that you can ruin.

If you feel empty right now, that's a natural response to having just had a miscarriage. First you need a medical exam to see if your body can sustain a pregnancy. At your age, some females are able to support having a baby, but some girls bodies aren't ready to support the fetus and the physical drain it puts on their body. You may be one who can't get pregnant till your body matures more. Plus, right now your body is depleated by the recent pregnancy, AND by the miscarriage. Getting pregnant now would probably trigger another miscarriage as your body hasn't had time to heal. Not only are your emotions raw and you need time to heal emotionally, but your body is drained and currently not capable of supporting a fetus.

You need to see a GP or an OB and discuss the physical end, and you need some counseling for the emotional trauma you're going through. Getting pregnant is not the cure for either of those problems.

Answer 7

A baby will hold you back... of course you can hav a baby but let's get real here for a minute. Who is going to take care of your child while you are at school and your two minimum wage jobs? How will you be a good parent and bond with your child? The reality is this... it's a selfish decision to have a baby you cannot afford and do not have time for yet. I had my son at 17 and there was no way I could have went to school, worked and be the same kind of mom I was able to be staying at home. But then again my boyfreind and I got married right away and he got a job to support us all so I have stayed at home the past 7 years. It doesn't sound like thats what you will be able to do. Waiting 2 or 3 years won't hurt anything. Enjoy the time with your fiance now... you'll miss it once kids start to arrive.

Answer 8

Hold the phone--you're 16. Well that's great that you and your "fiance" both want a kid, but why now? Why 16?

Why can't you wait until you get married?
Why can't you both wait until you emotionally, physically, and financially mature to take care of a baby AND go through the birth process?

You're both sophomores. That means you both can only hold one job and have min. wage. How do you think that will support a family of three? Where will you live?

Although you want a baby, I don't think now is the time for you. Because you're using the excuse of "I don't want to feel empty," it's telling me that you want to feel loved by someone.

Guess what? Babies are terribly stressful. That first 3 months alone are a make it or break it time. It's not just as fun and easy as some women make it seem.

Take my advice and wait 4 years. You'll have a happier family and be able to handle the stresses of raising a child.

Answer 9

Yes, a baby will hold you back. I'm telling you by experience. I have a 6 month old baby girl and don't get me wrong, she is the best thing in the world (i'm 24 btw), but a baby does hold you back. You need to finish up school and be a better person. Once you are in your mid-20s, you will be more ready and you can offer the world to this baby. You guys are too young for this. I'm at the perfect age to have a baby and I'm happy, but I don't think I could have handle a sitation like this if I were 16. Think about it.. Enjoy life while your young and should definitely finish up school.

Answer 10

My only advice to you is Wait. You may think hes your soul mate and you ll be together for ever and a baby is all you need to make your life perfect. But its not always like that. You may realize that in a few years hes not the one you want to be with, and then you would have a baby and always have a connection to this person that you'd rather forget. But you have your whole life ahead of you, I'm not saying a baby is a mistake or a choice or anything but you need to live your life before taking on the task of raising another. Be smart about this, get through high school at least, then after you have gotten married talk about having a baby.

Answer 11

Having a baby does not take away the empty feeling. You are simply not ready to have a child. I had my first child at 21, and thought I was ready, I'm an adult, I can handle this. If my mother hadn't been there to help me, I would have gone insane. Finish school, get established, then think about having a baby.
Find out why you have that empty feeling inside. Do you need something spiritually? Are you depressed? Do you feel unloved and want someone to love you? A baby will not solve any of those problems......they just create new ones.
Trust me, having a baby at 16 is not a good idea.