Am I going out with a psycho?

Question

I've been with a girl for 3 months. I have kids, but she doesn't.
I've been divorced from my ex for 18 months, and we are just friends now (nothing else). We both have our own lives.
Yesterday I spent the day with my gf and son at the zoo. Around the time I was due to bring my son back, my ex phoned me if I could pick some milk up on the way to dropping my son back. I didn't think it was a problem so nipped into the garage.
For the next 6 hours my girl friend then kept telling me that I should have told her to get off her lazy fat ar*e, F**k off and get it herself, or at least pretend I'd forgot. Because I didn't, she accused me of ruining the day out. My gf has never spoken to her.

I tried to tell her that there wasn't anything in it, but she then kept saying that I should think more of her (my girlfriend) and stop jumping when my ex says so (which I don't!). She say's that now I'm with her I should not do my ex ANY favours whatsoever.

How do other gf / ex's work?

Answer 1

Sounds like you have managed to maintain a adult relationship with your ex for the sake of your child which is fantastic. I always think people should where possible remain friends when a relationship ends especially when it involves kids.

As for your girlfriend she seems a bit insecure about your relationship with your wife. I would sit her down and explain that as the mother of your child you would like to maintain a good friendship with your wife. I would then explain that picking a pint of milk up was no problem for you to do but you wouldn't have done it if you hadn't been passing a garage and already on your way round to the house to drop your son off.

She has to except your wife and your child or else your relationship with her can't continue.

Answer 2

well I can see both of your points of view -

HERS
your ex is your ex and the fact that she feels comfortable in ringing you for simple favours like that might indicate to your current girlfriend that you two are still quite close and therefore cause a threat.
I guess the sense that you two have a child together also shows that you will always have a special bond between ye - and this might intimidate her so shes hoping that by breaking "favours" between you two that she might be securing her relationship that bit more with you.

YOURS:
a bottle of milk is no big dea at all and you were only picking it up as a favour. Which is absolutely true and shouldnt really cause the trouble that it did - but would you be as understanding if the roles were reversed and it was your current girlfriends ex that was ringing for casual favours??

I guess at the end of the day you need to talk it out - explain that your ex is an ex for a reason and that so long as the things she asks you to do such as fetching milk are innocent - and theres nothing more to it then you dont see it warrants the amount of grief that it caused yesterday.
hopefully your girlfriend will realise that she was being a bit unrealistic and will cop on a bit!
xx

Answer 3

It does sound like she's very insecure, as hard as it is just keep reassuring her that it's her you want to be with and your ex is a ex for a reason. tell her you have to remain civil to your ex for the sake of your son, and she got with you knowing you had a son so she should take on the responsibilities that come with it. I can say from personal experience that some ex wife's can be dangerous at playing mind games with new partners of there ex. Just be careful and make sure your ex isn't taken you for a ride. When your in love you want to know that your partner only does special things for just them, even if it is picking up milk it's still a favour that really she shouldn't be expecting you to help her out with, as you have your own life. It can be threatening to be with someone knowing they have had a child together as there will always be a bond there, that will be put first before them.There are some ex wife's that use there kids as a excuse to get there partner to come running! just look out for the signs that your ex isn't playing that game. As i said i have experienced it before and it's really not nice to feel second best, and knowing the ex wife is thinking she got one up on you. hope it all works out for the best. x just try and be a bit more understanding with your girl friends feelings, and think how you would feel if it was the other way around.x =o)

Answer 4

Sounds like she's very jealous and/or insecure. You may not still be married to your ex but you have a child together so you are going to have to communicate with each other - it's a tie that is never going to be broken, well, until the child is an adult, I suppose.

You've not been with gf for very long and she seems very jealous over something that is relatively minor. What happened to her in her previous relationship(s)? It could be that she is acting out her anger and frustration over what happened there on you.

Maybe next time you collect/drop off your child she could come too and meet your ex. When she sees how you two are now, assuming that there are no feelings between you and ex still, she can see that you are doing it for the sake of your child, not the benefit of your ex.

Answer 5

it's got nothing to do with your present g/f if your ex asks you to do her a favour, she's never met her before so what's her problem? you were gonna drop the baby off anyways...what she has to realise is that your ex i always gonna be part of your life while you have kids together so she better get used to it....all i can see is a jealous bad mouthed person your with now and i hope to god that she did not say all these nasty things in front of your child about his mother....personally i think that you should consider your future with this girl because no matter how much she hates the idea of your ex asking you to do things for her, she will always have a link in your life and your g/f is not gonna like it....i mean what happens one day if your child gets sick? whats the girlfriend gonna do....? i would bin her and find someone who understands and not acts like a jealous foul mouthed individual....she's not good for your son and it only takes your son to catch onto the filth that comes out of her mouth and your ex will find out about it...think about it...do you want hassle from your g/f every time the ex needs you?

Answer 6

I think this girl is a very controlling and jealous person. You say you have only been with her for 3 months, my goodness, I think your alarm bells should be ringing, What's she going to be like in 3 years, I suspect she wont even let you out of the door, or if she does you'll get a third degree every time you come back. I could be wrong, but this girls jealousy could destroy the friendship between you and your ex, which, if it happens will make it very difficult for you to continue a relationship with your children.

Answer 7

You're dating a psycho! Her behaviour is very extreme. I live with my partner and my ex and I share custody of our son. There are times when we will buy milk so the other doesn't have to worry about it....the milk is for our 4 year old. My partner doesn't give this a second thought....

Your girlfriend's reaction is a bit of a worry, to say the least.

Answer 8

Well she sounds unfair to me, theresno halm in doing a favour for someone,if it was say a sister or friend shed be ok but your not to do it for your ex. Well really you should tell her that she is being unreasonable, and the milk was proberbly for your kids anyways.
Wow you must be a real calm guy , most men i know would have said .. if you dont like it F,@k off . And thatshonest that is.
You do what is right and tell her to bog off . xxx

Answer 9

Sounds like a very insecure women - she should realise it's much better if you get on with your ex, especially as you have a child. It would be worse if your ex was awful and constantly on the phone being abusive or making it difficult to see your son.

Answer 10

Totally over reacted, that's stupid as you were passing by anyway, and it was just milk!!!! It's admirable that you can stay peaceable with your ex for the sake of your children, she totally flipped out over that, and I would seriously think about what she would be like if your ex really asked for a favour, would she freak?