I married my husband almost 13 years agowhen I was 19 and he was 25. We have three children ages 9, 7 and 1. I have many regrets about marrying at such a young age, not going to college, etc. The only thing that kept us together was our physical relationship, but with three kids, that's non-existent now. We rarely talk, or spend time together. I spend my time taking care of the kids and he spends his time working and sleeping. He is also very involved in a religion that I don't want to be a part of anymore. I am not happy. I don't think he is happy and I am sure our poor relationship is affecting our kids. We were both raised to believe that divorce is wrong and that it is never best for the children. I feel trapped.
2007-04-30 01:51:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree with the first comment - Boredom is never an excuse for divorce. You made promises in front of god and your family...
Get help and make this work... not for the children, but for YOURSELF.
2007-04-30 02:29:03 · answer #1 · answered by INDUSTRYkurt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot stay trapped in a marriage. You are not communicating and that is so important. He's probably feeling the same way.
Marriage is only love. You made a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together, because you cannot live without eachother. If you both could never say that, then you need to do something about this right now. Your children should not be seeing their parents ignoring eachother like that, or treating eachother with no love and respect. Then that's what they'll do when they get married.
You have to tell him everything. Everything about how you are feeling and you have to find out everything he is feeling. You should have nothng to hide with your husband, the man you made love to for all these years.
Confront him, when your alone and tell him you are not happy. Say, we have have to stop using the children to keep us together. We have to work this out and begin making eachother happy, because you feel you can. Tell him if you still love him and ask him if he still loves you. If the answer is yes, then you have the power to stay married. The power to make eachother happy and enjoy life with the most wonderful relationship and the most wonderful family.
If the love is completely gone and you both have no desire in keeping this marriage together, then you have to file for divorce. I hope it's love. Lots of Luck.
2007-04-30 09:29:33 · answer #2 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you should get a divorce or not. The fact that you are asking this question here and give details that indicate you have had no such discussion with your husband says you have a long, long way to go in improving your communication with him.
You need to talk to him and figure out where the two of you are. If neither of you believe in divorce, don't you have some common ground to start from then? It seems that is pretty major. You let him know you can't live like this anymore and if not divorce, some major effort is needed to improve the quality of life. You guys can't be good examples to your kids if they don't have healthy, happy role models to live up to.
For your kids, for yourselves, you both need to make some major changes to improve your marriage and your lives. It will take major committment from both of you. If one or both of you refuse to commit to one another that way, I'm not sure what your other option is. If you don't believe in divorce for religious reasons, your only other option is separation, and then, that means no going out and finding another romantic partner. Is that really something you want?
Talk to him.
2007-04-30 09:09:32 · answer #3 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you were raised to believe that divorce is wrong, is it really fair to your kids to be raised in a family where there's no love between the parents? Do you really want to stay together for their sake and be miserable, or let everyone be happy and split? Sure, it'll be difficult on the kids, but they're resilliant and will bounce back.
Best of luck in whatever you do.
2007-04-30 08:59:56 · answer #4 · answered by BoomerFamily 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some counseling! In my opinion you should stay with your husband for your children. Stick with it! Try, try, and try again! Do not look back on your life and say, "If only I had gotten married when i was older...if only i went to college." Life is hard, but you cannot blame the tough times on your marriage.
2007-04-30 09:48:00 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet_Addy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to talk to you as an adult to an adult, maybe it's time for both of you guys to both agree to a devorce. it seems to me you guys did marry at a young age, you didnt even get to see what life was about. I think you guys would be better as friends.
2007-04-30 08:57:06 · answer #6 · answered by medinagotit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its important that both of you go for marriage counselling. looks like you are already feeling mid life crisis.
2007-04-30 08:59:20 · answer #7 · answered by Iqbal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get counselling
marriage is a COMMITTMENT...
you dont get divorced because you're bored
2007-04-30 08:56:47 · answer #8 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋