We have been married almost 10 yrs now, he has never been very romantic expressively towards me. And i have often complained and felt insecure in this relationship. Now since he joined this new company over a year now- he met his woman who works with him. She is seperated from her husband for the last 18 yrs, she is fun loving but appeared to have potrayed a sorry past to my husband (based on what he told me). Now i think they are not just friend - but he is sleeping with her as he has no interest in sex with me and does not want to do anything with me anymore. Last nite- found some calls on my caller id from her to my husband in my absence. I have requested his other male friend to keep an eye on him and let me know. I have confronted my husband abt this other woman- but he has never given me a straight answer. I have 2 kids below 5. What should i do?
2007-04-30 01:07:24 · 21 answers · asked by curious mom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thank you all for your constructive answer. I confronted him and her; and they both said that she is having major issues in her life and he just being a pal and providing listening ear. He wants to make it work; and offered to leave the company.
2007-05-01 02:42:51 · update #1
it is hard for me to trust him... but i want this to work
2007-05-01 02:43:39 · update #2
You have to begin to realize that you are alot more valuable, then you seem to believe. Your letting him treat you with absolutely no respect. Your very insecure and that is what's letting this happen. He knows he could get away with it.
Well, stop this right now. You have to gain back your self esteem, worth, dignity and pride. You cannot let anyone take your life and play with it like that. You deserve more, especially if your running a household and raising 2 children. You should in no way be raising them in this type of atmosphere. They should only see their parents showing eachother love and respect.
It's really sad, but you have to confront him by saying, I know what your doing. You destroyed the trust so whether you admit it or not, I do not believe you. Your obviously not in love with me and I want a man who is. If your going to continue this nonsence and continue trying to play me for a fool, then I want a divorce.
C'mon, you are probably a wonderful person, don't let anyone, especially your husband treat you different. It isn't fair. God Bless and Good Luck.
2007-04-30 01:54:43 · answer #1 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys are pitiful with your answers. What you need to do, curious, talk to him directly. There is no need for all this spying crap, placing voice activated recorders in his car. Just confront him straight up and let him know that he needs to tell you the truth. If you feel like he's not telling the truth, get a separation. The signs are there, if he's no longer intimate with you, he might be with this other woman. Don't make the situation worse by listening to these miserable house wives on this answer forum. By the way, it's VERY HARD to get alomony if you can work. You shouldn't seek alimony anyway. Let him see that you can be independant and you don't need him to live your life. He just needs to support his kids by either paying child support, or taking car of them. Don't settle for less. Life is too short. There's plenty of guys out there that would appreciate having someone like you. If you need more advice, email me.
2007-04-30 02:20:14 · answer #2 · answered by #1 Monkey Minion 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First it is not his friends job to tattle on him about what he is doing and in all honesty he will probably just tell him to be more careful because you are getting suspicious.
Second you need to talk to him, tell him your concerns as far as his change in desire for doing things with you. I wouldn't mention the caller id thing as he will just be more careful and erase the history on your phone. If he says that he has not talked to her at home and you know he has then you know he is lying.
Has he ever given you a reason to doubt him? Has he ever given you a reason to believe he would cheat? Or has he cheated before this?
As far as the kids are concerned you can only be the best wife and mother that you can be to him and them.
If he chooses to cheat that is what HIS choice will be you can not make him choose otherwise. You can talk to him and let him know you love him and are worried that the relationship at work is becoming more than friends. You can let him know you want to have a great marriage and you want to be in the golden years together sitting on the porch talking about your wonderful years together. Hopefully he has the same vision.
2007-04-30 01:17:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would lay low for awhile and let him believe that everything is ok. I would then investigate the situation to get proff and the evidence to confront him with. Keep a journal and document everything......just in case you need it for legal purposes if needed. If he is not paid by salary watch his pay stubs for hours worked. Time how many miles it is to and from his work for yourself. Then check the mileage on his car the night before he leaves for work and see if it reads more miles to and from his job. Check your cell phone bill it doesn't lie. Look over your bank statements and credit cards.......see if he has charged lunch for her and him at any resturants unfamiliar to you. Find out where she lives and if he is late coming home ride by her house to see if his car is there? He could be going to her home for lunches and ride in her car so you will just have to watch. Borrow someones car that he does not know. Notice if his clothes smell of someones perfume that isn't yours. You could also move the passenger seat up to an uncomfortable position ......if it is moved he has had somebody in the car with him. Watch for strands of another womans hair left on the car seat that isn't yours. I know this sounds crazy but if he is up to no good you have to protect yourself. (std's) If you are having a gut feeling and feel that something isn;t right here. It probably may be true. So be carefull not to get caught. Since you brought your suspicion to him already he will be exta carefull now in hiding it if he is guilty. So you have to let him know that it must be your hormones or something and agree with what ever excuse he gave you for her calling him on the phone. Do what you can so that he is comfortable enough that you will catch him at his game. This way you will get your own straight answer sweetie. Good Luck.
2007-04-30 01:50:22 · answer #4 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Confrontations usually don't give you the results you're looking for. Since your background with this man hasn't been what you felt a marriage should be, I doubt you are going to see any changes now. He doesn't seem to be very invested in your marriage at all. I'm sorry that you have have two small children with this man but for their sake, you hold it together and give them what family you can.
2007-04-30 01:33:36 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that if he and this woman are just friends then you want to get together with her for lunch.If he or she has a problem with that then you know they have something going on and you are wasting your time with him.Because if they are strictly friends then they won't have a problem facing you and all three of you going to lunch..Another thing to remember is that Trust is everything in a marriage without Trust you have nothing and it doesn't sound like you Trust your husband...
2007-04-30 01:14:38 · answer #6 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you are better off raising your kids alone than showing them that living a miserable life is right. If hes cheating, cut him loose, he doesnt love or respect you and you know you deserve better. Confront the woman, perhaps she will tell you the truth.
2007-04-30 01:47:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until you have proof there really isn't anything you can do except keep an eye on him. You can get a voice activated tape recorder and put it in his car. Have you talked with this woman? You might want to speak with a lawyer. I hope it works out for you and there is nothing going on. Good luck!
2007-04-30 01:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by Miki S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think very carefully about what you are prepared to do after you confirm that he is a having an affair with her. What is your goal? Do you want him to end the affair, or do you plan to use the evidence to seek a divorce or separation? Its always good to think through the consequences of our action/inaction.
2007-04-30 01:48:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separate for a while to get some perspective, and retain a lawyer. You sound certain.
If you are, you must divorce him.
1 on 1 counselling. Find out why you married a man who shows you little love, and how to find one who does.
"The Intimate Connection" Dr David Burns will help.
http://www.feelinggood.com
2007-04-30 01:13:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋