I love my wife,we have three beautifull boys,but our sex life is poor,she does not want sex as much as me?

Question

I love to have sex with my wife, but she told me recently that she does not feel the same,she says that she does not enjoy it all the time and could take it or leave it,lately,for about six months its mostly leave it.She says that she is too tired,and has not felt the same about sex for a few years since the children were born.The problem for me is I love having sex with her,it gives me great pleasure to see her naked, to touch her to be with her in an intimate way nobody else can.When we make love I feel like the luckiest man in the world.I like to walk past my wife and touch her or kiss her,but now she sees this as the start of sex and gets stand offish.started running and cycling an has never looked better and it drives me crazy not to be able to go near her.When I try to talk about it she gets defenceive,and tells me shes too tired and that Im making a big deal of it,but I feel so hurt,she has engery for everthing else.she says she wants time ,I just want her and its killing me?

Answer 1

To warm up a woman for sex at night you have to start before breakfast.. Tell her she looks beautiful at breakfast. Call her during the day to say that you love her. Come home from work and shower, shave and smell good. Tell her how delicious dinner was. Put the kids to bed. Don't yell. Rub her back (or feet, hands) while watching TV. Say absolutely NOTHING about sex.. I quarantee that if you do this that the sex will come. Women equal love with sex. Men equal sex with sex.. totally different! Good Luck!!

Answer 2

First keep up the touches for no reason other than to let her know you love her. However, make sure that they are just that.....if you are behind her in the kitchen and kiss her neck then say "well I have some things to do in the garage" she will see that it was just that a sweet kind gesture and not a precursor to sex.

You do need to talk to her because she does need to take your needs into consideration and it sounds as though she is not doing that. If she has time and energy for running and cycling then guess what she has more than enough energy for love making with her husband.

Let her know that this is not just a little issue. Your heart is hurting and you need her to show you the love and affection as well. You have children and yes the libido does sometimes slow down but it truly should not stop completely.

Could you two get away without the kids for a week or at least a weekend? Some time not to be mom and dad but some time to remember what it took to become mom and dad!!

Answer 3

I think all couple who are married for a long time go through this. There will be dry spells. When you first met, it was great right? It is not as great as it once was for you so you know it's not for him. Talk to him about it. You don not want to lose communication with him. When you lose that, you might as well say the relationship is over. So talk, do not be afraid to tell him how you feel and let him respond. Don't get upset at what he tells you. When you each tell each other the problem, the both of you should ask the other.. okay how can I fix it. There are many reasons why he may not was it as frequent. He may be tired, stressed or wanting something more. Get in there and watch the tv with him.

Answer 4

1st i hope you understand that women's bodies and hormones function different from men's.. And that this would not be the 1st time that i would be hearing of a woman not being interested in sex after having children.. This could be the case.
The best thing is for you two to perhaps go to the doctor and find the underlying reason for her lack of interest. (it could be depression)

Not only, but you do mention that you try to talk to her and she gets defenceive. Maybe you should change your tactic. Even before you say anything, just remind her that you love her and that - as you said - you feel hurt by the fact that she is not giving you a fair chance to express your feelings..
Furthermore PLEASE tell her what you told us now, i quote "to touch her to be with her in an intimate way nobody else can.When we make love I feel like the luckiest man in the world "
I find that by you telling her that (in the exact same words) it could hit the spot in making her understand how much it means to you to have a healthy sexual relationship. THAT ITS NOT JUST ALL ABOUT YOU WANTING SEX, BUT THAT YOU FEEL YOU TWO NEED TO HAVE THIS EXTRA SPECIAL CONNECTION THAT MAKES EVERYTHING EVEN MORE SPECIAL THAN WHAT IT ALREADY IS!

By the way, you do not mention how often you would like to have sex, but if you expect to have sex more than 5 times a week, perhaps you should bring your expectations down a bit too (",)

Answer 5

She is probably tired. Perhaps she doesn't "feel" sexy. I know, possibly a foreign concept for you since you see her as attractive. Have you ever seen the music video for the song "One hot mama"? If not it will help you understand how she may view herself differently than how you view her. Ask her what it would take for her to be more interested in having sex with you. Open ended question with a day to come back with an answer. Maybe it's something simple that could make a difference.

Examples: a housekeeper 1 time a month, a massage from a liscensed therapist, time to manicure herself so she feels sexy, babysittter away from home for kids so you can have a quite romantic dinner and sex at home, rent a hotel room? Tried any of those?

Answer 6

this is a tough one, but let me ask you a question.
what is the relationship with your wife like apart from those times you need sex? Are you a good friend to her, is your communication level high/good, are you there for her when she needs a listening ear, do you share your feelings/tell her issues in your life as they occur daily, after sex do you just turn your back and go to sleep without holdiing and huggiing her and telling her sweet words of how sweet she is how lovely she is, how cool she is etc. if your answers to these questions and similar one are negative then that is the source of your problem, try working on them. Women are not moved for sex like men are, they need a good communication level with their husbands to continously enjoy sex.

Answer 7

Are you as romantic as you sound???? If so i KNOW YOUR PROBLEM!!!! Get romantic and STOP talking about sex and start talking about how much you love her and your child and your life together. Nothing turns a woman off more than hearing that we dont give out enough. It is like thinking of having your penis cut off!!!!! If you just were more passionate and kind and all that stuff you probably haven't been in years you would be so much better off.

Answer 8

Hey this does tend to happen to mothers, my guess is you and your wife arent that much in tune, u enever read preganancy and life after baby books. This could have prepared you for this, and you would have also understood why this is happening...just give her a break...and help her around the houise, so she is less tired...it will make a difference...

Answer 9

I dont know if this would help it sounds like you guys need to go away with out the kids for a couples of days and get her pamper massage a weekend were she can relax.

Answer 10

and women wonder why their men cheat.... I think that you as a couple need to have a serious talk about this issue. it seems you really love her and your family.. She is Lucky to have a husband that desires her at the end of the day so to speak... It seems that you do not have a wondering eye.... Take her away for long weekend,sitter/grandparents to take care of kids,romance her......start dating her again...... make new and fresh again....