what should i do?

Question

my friend is extremely shy almost on the verge of being obsessive compulsive.ie she takes school rules to the extreme for example she takes the 'no talking in lesson' rule to mean even if the teacher speaks to her she cannot reply to them. this happened recently when one of our teachers called her angela (which is her sisters name) by accident and she just sat there saying nothing relying on me and my other friend who were in the lesson with her to put the teacher right. and also if she wants to say something to the teacher she'll jus keep saying it over and over to me or my other friends in a half whisper in the hope that we will alert the teacher to whatever the problem is,this has began to get on my nerves immensely and sometimes i just end up flying off the handle at her and ill shout something like "ffs your just going to have to tell them yourself" but however im not normally a horrible person and if anything i tend to be quite lenient towards her more so than other ppl, so....

after i yell at her to speak for herself i normally feel very guilty, agitated and upset... but she needs to speak for herself for her own good...next year after everyones gone their separate ways to universities and jobs etc. and she gets a job or goes to uni or wateva she wont have me to speak for her so the way i see it im being cruel to be kind but it doesnt stop the guilt.... shes 17 the oldest in the crew and i really feel she acts like the youngest were in sixth form not just normal school...what can i do about my feelings of guilt??

Answer 1

live your own life. Thats petty & childish

Answer 2

Having a daughter with OCD and a shy wife who has overcome her OCD and shyness I suspect the girl is a perfectionist. She is also at a very vulnerable time in her life as there are going to be a lot of changes n her life in the next year. Stay with her and look at her behaviour as an illness. Don't get mad at her or she will shrink away even more. Get her involved in group activities outside school where the "rules" are not so hard and fast. Good luck,

Answer 3

Try to explain her that, now she is not a child, she have to do her work be herself. No one will be there for her when she leaves the school. How will she face the life when she is out of the school. Encourage her to speak by herself. You don't speak for her but tell her that u r with her.
But if she still don't take ur word then its better to walk ur way, as for such people they learn only when they are hurted.

Answer 4

it sounds like she's depending on you and your other friends but mostly you, i know how irratating that can get, try to talk to her about it first, that you wont always be there she has to try to do things on her own and if that doesnt work, next time she wants to say something to the teacher and she repeats it to you over and over again, dont do anything, if she doesnt want to raise her hand, dont do it for her, show her that she should be able to do things by herself and not always rely on you or on others to do it for her, there's a fine line between asking for help and depending on others.

its hard but try not to feel guilty cause who knows if she's doing it on purpose on she's just really "unaware" that unconsciously she's using emotional blackmail on you, and if it goes on, i think it might be a good idea to distance yourself a bit and the worst possible solution would be to sever the friendship.

Answer 5

when a person is shy its hard4 them 2 come out of that comfort zone of theirs. their worried about the other person's reaction towards theirs. she has a little trouble trusting people easily. she does not feel that her opinion counts and feels wht she says is less likely 2 be heard and accepted like others. she worried of being judged of everything she says n like is not confident in herself n does not belive in herself n in wht she does. she need encouragement and alot of respect and given little tasks of trying to speak out loud n see that no one would jst laugh or judge wht she does. being the way she is for so long its hard 4 her to break that hebbit. just keep pursuading her that everyone is entitle to their own opinos and actions and tobe brave n speak out n see that is ok 2 do so. try 2 not 2 criticise wht she says n agree n correct her politely where necessary. i could go on but i wont. but hope this so far helps.

Answer 6

Your friend sounds passive agressive ... I had a friend like this, she still lives with her parents at 38 years old.

Stop doing things for her, and avoid situations where she manipulates you or others into doing things for her. Let her see that she can do things for herself, she's incapable of seeing that at the moment.

Answer 7

I feel sorry for your friend, shyness is not easy to overcome. It is nice of you to help her out and she is probably grate-full for a friend like you. Some of us are shy, some antisocial and some of us stand up for ourselves and don't have a shy bone in our body. She will improve when she leaves school and get a job , but in the meantime help her out ok:)))

Answer 8

Dont worry, buddy,
as u wrote that ur frnd is tension factory & have no confidence.
So u r her frnd so u have to help her bt not like that by solving her problems, bt u have to give her a confidence. u have to encourage her. u try to remove her fear. let her do her work herself. dont help her inher work by doing it.
u have no experince means u dont have 100% confidence.

Answer 9

You sound edgy, take it easy. You don't freak out at people for something so minor. You have to talk it out. That is the most youcan do. Loosing your composure will only make you look bad.

Answer 10

the only way shes g onna learn is if she does things her self, u guys have tryed its her job now