Am i doing the right thing staying away?

Question

i've been going regularly to a night club alone, due to my husbands' encouragement, he's a lot older, works long hours, and wants me to have a life. there is this chap who's similar age, who works there, we became friends, he's a widower, he's fallen in love with me, gave me a red rose, written poetry. he knows i'm married, respects that, and is happy being friends, on his night off, which is once a month, i spent the evenings with him at the club, chatting, dancing and cuddling, he's tactile like me, whereas my husband isn't, i've tried talking to my husband that i need to feel more wanted. i know he loves me, as he shows it and tells me, but he's not a huggy type, and i've always been insecure and need more hugs, he's happy having little or none, i know it's a problem i have to deal with, as my husband says he is what he is, he's not the easiest person to discuss things with, and takes it as an attack on him, however nicely its said.

i've been staying away as i've developed feelings for this loving tactile guy, we get on really well, but i don't want to have an affair, not really, and i don't want my husband or our marriage suffering because of this, my husband wants me to ge, and will get suspicious if i don't go, there is nowhere else thats as nice or comfortable to go, i miss going, my husband wouldn't go with me if he could, as he hates night clubs, he feels he's had enough of them as he used to be a bouncer years ago in his youth. i have no female friends either, i'm happy to go alone and have a chat and dance, but i always make it clear that's all that's on offer, what do i do?

the chap is similar age to my husband, 60 ish

in answer to your question, i,ve been with my husband nearly two years, married for 9 months, i've been going to the club a year or so, but getting close to the chap for about 4 months

Answer 1

your life seems to be in confusion and my advice is sit down and think things out. what your doing is deceitful to what sounds to be a good sort of guy(your husband) so why not try and make your marriage come to life and count your blessings you have a good man a lot of women would swap you i bet and i'm a fella

Answer 2

So, your question about staying away - are you staying away from the guy/club or are you asking if you should? Either way, you should stay away. My husband is the exact same - isn't the huggy, cuddly type - and he told me that's just the way he is and to accept that. You married your husband for a reason and if I were you, I would try to remember what that reason is. I know it is difficult being in a relationship like that especially if you are the type to need the closeness, but you trying to find that in someone else while you are married is no good. Sure this guy is happy with the fact that you are married because he has the opportunity to get with you and no strings attached. He doesn't have to worry about you wanting anything more than a one night thing because you are already married. That just makes it easier for him. I would actually go against your husbands suggestion to go out to clubs and find a few good girl friends to go out to a movie with instead. You are playing with fire and you are going to end up messing up your marriage big time. It is up to you to decide in the end, but....even if you decided to be with this guy, he will not think a lot of you because you would have cheated. It doesn't matter what he is telling you now. There is not a lot to say for that. Also, something to think about....how would you feel about your husband if he was out doing the same? Good luck to you and God bless.

Answer 3

omg this new guy is offereing everything you want however the safety of your husband is also appealing. The grass isnt always greener however you need to trust your instincts. You seem to want your husband more and want to end all contact with the new guy. So just dont go stand up for yourself and say hubby i just dont wanna go ok i wanna spend the evening with you cos i love you. Plus why is he making you go to a club on your own anything could happen to you...so god damme rude. You sure he aint playing away trying to get you out the house.

Answer 4

He for sure would not deserve you! he's performed and betrayed you, lied and manipulated, or perhaps believed your bullies over you?! Thats no relationship! Your doing solid staying faraway from him, be solid and do not provide in, the only element you do not favor him doing is questioning that he can do regardless of he needs to you, or perhaps after he's damage you to the point the position everyone is beating you up and he would not provide a sh!t, you'll come operating back. So merely thoroughly ignore about him, and that i comprehend its demanding, i have only merely were given over my boyfriend of four years, even besides the indisputable fact that we broke up 7 months in the past. Its gonna be demanding, yet you want to have a superior will. wish this permits hun x]

Answer 5

How long have u been doin this? Long enough? Then let go, you can't have both. If you still love ur husband, then accept him for what he is and live with it, Im sure you also have some shortcomings. And if you can't accept how he is, then move on, don't stay in a relationship that will only make you miserable, if your happy with the new guy, go and enjoy the rest of your life.

Answer 6

You say this guy respects the fact that your married.How can
you say that when he is giving you a rose and writing you poetry if this man is doing this to you,what makes you think you are the only one he has done this to.Oh that's right he loves you,And everyone knows a man in love doesn't lie y ou have a husband who loves you and trust you enough to go out
do you understand how rare that is.You are going to wreck your marriage for what a night clue worker that can't make that much money.I feel sorry for your husband . b

Answer 7

Instead of clubbing, join a womans group.
If your happy in your marriage, then don't put yourself in a situation that could cause you mixed feelings.
Good Luck.

Answer 8

you got a huggy buddy, that's nice. but one thing will lead to another and then that's when you have to decide which one to keep. until then, i'd just go with the flow.

Answer 9

It dont matter how you wanna wrap it , you'r playing away , end of !!