As many have seen my questions before; my marriage hasn't been the best. I have been maried for 8 yrs now with 3 little ones and one on the way in 2 weeks. We wanted to have children however, I didn't think I would be doing this on my own. Since the past 2 years, we sort of live seperate lives and I am to the point I can't really stand to touch him.
To make it shorter, I want to leave but we have mainly been together because of financial trouble. We both don't make much together as it is and I am terrrified that I will fail alone. I have tried and failed once before. I have just graduated as a Medical Assistant and want to further my ed as a RN or Speech Pathologist as soon as I am able to after the baby. However, I want to get out of this marriage soon. Does anyone have any advice? And please be nice, remember I'm preggers and very emotional. Thank You!
2007-04-29 20:07:59 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
P.S.These weren't planned children, just miracles. I didn't think I could have children. So please saying, just stop having children. And I want to do this 6 months or more after the baby is born, sorry for the confusion.
2007-04-29 20:26:39 · update #1
oops almost forgot, the seperate lives ordeal. We live together and I try my darnest to get him to speak to me. He just blows up, hides in the other room, or simply ignores me. I try to be as calm as possible but sometimes I do blow up. I don't mean to but you can only hold so much in for so long. We have tried counseling, however, that works for 3 months and goes back to the usual. I am just tired of being hurt and yelled at. My self esteem has gone to zero and I don't want my children to think that this life style is okay.
2007-04-29 20:30:34 · update #2
Shannon, you seem to have your ideas straight and a good program for your future. Yes, have your baby, start planning on your further education, and figure out how to split with him. First, the economics. I assume he is willing to go along with the split. Talk to him about joint finances for a stipulated period of time...like 6 months or 2 years or whatever. Figure out what you will need in terms of time to get your extra degree going to school part-time and working full-time and taking care of the kids, etc. Ask him for help. Offer to trade with him, such as helping him if he wants to go to school. Consider all your options. Look into student loans. Look into scholarships. Check with the schools for work-study programs. right now it probably looks pretty bleak, what with the baby coming along and no money and a difficult marriage. So start writing down things you can do and want to do. Sometimes just writing them down helps relieve some of the pressure. Good luck.
2007-04-29 20:20:09 · answer #1 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked about it together? You say you've been living seperate lives for the last 2 years... when was the last time the two of you had a really good state-of-our-union conversation? Sounds like you have spent a lot of time alone with your thoughts, am I right? I think maybe you need to take those thoughts and share them with your husband or a pastor/counselor... or both. There is a lot you are carrying with you and soon you will have another baby which is a blessing in itself! But as a mom, and you 3x already, know what that's like. I think you need another person to bounce ideas off of... someone that has experience in the marriage and family field. Wish you the best now and in the future.
2007-04-29 20:23:00 · answer #2 · answered by mrs. lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor you, so much to consider I really feel for you. The three little ones, the one on the way, your happiness and the financial situation. If you're that unhappy, and have been for 2 years, then it looks like you should separate eventually to see if that's what works for you both - a trial separation will show you both what your true feelings are. It really depends on what support you can get from family as to whether you leave now, or wait until after the birth. Have you tried counselling? What factors are making it difficult to live with him?
Advice for after the pregnancy - get some contraception happening until your life is sorted.
My very best wishes to you and the kids, and I hope all goes well with the pregnancy and birth. Now is the time to start calling on friends and family for help and love. Good luck with it all.
2007-04-29 20:20:20 · answer #3 · answered by Sunny 1st 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be rude at all, but Liz has major good points.
You said you two lived seperate lives for 2 years, must still slept together, creating another life into this non committed mess with the other 3.
You knew you were going to do this on your own 2 years ago, but you still slept with him and became pregnant. So, "not knowing" is invalid excuse.
This isn't about you or him anymore. This is about those 4 little ones.
Those are wrong reasons to stay and you need now to face it.
See about being with a family member, getting government assistance (WIC is for everyone practically who applies).
He needs to get a better job to afford to pay that child support. There is no excuse on not making enough. If can't afford it, then shouldn't be getting pregnant and having more children.
As far as your career goals, that is great, but your children's lives come first at this moment in time. Let that MA take you and when the children get a little older, for school, then it is time to do the full time work while they are there.
go to parent meetings and set up play dates and met other parents to get more advice on how you can alter your schedule to better yourself and everyone else (we all know, mommy's do need their own time too).
My mom raised three of us on her own, no child support or anything. She was on welfare for only a year til she got a better paying job while we were in school and advanced from there. She worked hard as a single parent and she made sure we had what we needed before she did for her.
If my mom can do it, so can you.
2007-04-29 20:26:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, are you sure of what you want?...bcoz, pregnant women tend to be very sensitive. Why don't you just sit back and let the baby due first, then maybe you really can think better & less emotional. Since you're not doing well financially, probably you should hold the thought of furthering your study. Find a better job, gain experience as a Medical Assistant. Get your life back together...don't make decision when you mad, sometimes there's something we can't undo.
2007-04-29 20:19:44 · answer #5 · answered by butterflykiss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, I am so sorry to find out than you feel miserable in your life,I dont' know why you started with him, but you are now in the fire. I think before leaving him, try to get to your edcational aims, if you can tolerate him for a short period. I beleive than your life is important. so go after your life and find the one whom you really love. I think life is too short so make the best of it.before marriage you should have thoght of money matters dear, but now the only way out is to work hard and try to make a good life for your children at least.
look , you shouldn't have lived with him for money matters I beleive, up to now. you should try to stand on your own feet. try to monitor every thing by earnig more and more money. you leave him but not your children . make new goal in your life. your problem is not your husband or children. I think you should change your mind and the way you look at the world.
make anew woman out of yourself. I think at the moment your husband should be responsible for his children financially. let time pass and it will solve every thing. you can marry again but be careful . I have never married but I know what it is to live with the one you don't like. I know what you feel.
2007-04-29 20:32:43 · answer #6 · answered by Asa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait until after the baby is born and then I would wait for at least 6 months to a year. Before making a final decision. Because you might be suffering from pregnancy depression.
2007-04-29 20:13:14 · answer #7 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a guy. Wife left me 5x.. In retrospect... I would have preferred it was quick.
The money is a real problem.. dont under-rate the importance of this issue. I'd say your options are very limited.. to just one:- dont leave till after you have your baby and finish your training.
Yes you are emotional right now - its a bad time to leave.. hang in longer.
all the best
2007-04-30 02:16:58 · answer #8 · answered by hey s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nicely a bath is constructive if the bathtub is gigantic sufficient. do in simple terms not use too many candles, the first time i tried it I set off off the smoke alarm. no longer something like a Lucy episode to set the mood.
2016-11-23 16:33:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweety, find a friend or your mom's move there until you get back financially
2007-04-29 20:11:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋