i need advise.....!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

okay my husband is all way looking at porn and that's fine but lately we have not been having sex the time was in march.he looks at it them does not want to have sex with me he says that i do not turn him on so i went out and bought some sexy clothes and underwear, i took dirty pic's and have tried seducing him but still nothing i have been told that i am good looking and hot some even say sexy, but still nothing will work for my husband, he has lied to me before about some stuff, talking with girls, etc.. and i do not know what to do, could he be cheating?is he just not happy with the way i lokk? he wants me to get breast implants and i said i would but should i i'm a large c cup and i work out all the time so i'm in shape, why does he not want to have sex with me?what am i doing wrong, how can i make him see the porn is a problem now?i have tried to talk to him but he says i'm over reacting, and it's not true, he will not see my side, so i need advise, i need to make him see it is a.

problem and it is affecting our marriage. please only real answers.

i have tried wearing different clothes and i have tried to turn him on with different act( not our normal way) but it does not work

Answer 1

In one word....he is insecure. You are a beautiful woman, you keep in shape...you certainly do not have small breasts. It makes me so cranky when a beautiful woman marries a man and then after he has seduced her, he starts treating her like shiit. Its like a beautiful woman cannot have all the deep emotions that an ugly/middle of the road woman feels. I was very popular when I was younger, I could pick and choose who I would date. I had men eating out of my hands. I married a man who I loved, but because I was as attractive woman he never felt secure....he always thought I was "cheating" on him. He ended up the worst husband imaginable, and you know what? I did nothing wrong. I seriously think being attractive has its draw backs...unless of course you marry a secure man.....a man who likes himself and who has enough confidence in you to know that you love him with all your heart and would never "cheat" on him. I was married for 15 years and I thought he really loved me...but all through that 15 years he was cheating on me, and some of the women, honestly, they were horrible looking. He didnt cared who he screewed....as long as it was a female, then that was fine with him. I was very faithful to him, I loved him with all my heart, but I didnt know what was going on in his head......we never could discuss things honestly...so I just assumed everything was happy. You know what he thought? He thought I was cheating on him......based entirely on my appearance and how popular I used to be prior to marrying him. They were all his insecurities that I never knew about for 15 years. My whole world blew apart when I found out what he was really like and the sad thing about all of this was that I kind of became dependent on him. When I found out what he was doing, while I was still very attractive, I felt like the ugliest woman in all the world....how could he cheat on me...."the attractive wife" with the uglies that he did? I dont know when it happened, but in my eyes, I was no longer attractive...I felt horrible....I felt like I wasnt good enough......all based on finding out what he was doing. I didnt lose my looks....just my confidence. This is probably what has happened with you. His insecurities are making you see yourself in a different light. Its his insecurities that is making him treat you like this. You havent lost your looks....You have a good figure...you dont need larger breasts. Take a long look in the mirror...and realise that your husband is trying to degrade you because of the way HE feels, not because of how it is. You didnt marry your equal darling, and that is something I learnt only after I divorced my husband. We have been divorced now for 12 years.......4 years ago, he wanted to come back. He got involved with another woman not long after our divorce and he said to me.... 8 years later....."I was a fool, when I was with you it was like driving a mercedes benz, and now I feel like I am driving a beat up old holden". His insecurities drove the most beautiful woman out of his life, and Im not just talking physical beauty, I am talking inner beauty as well. His insecurities are the reason he is now driving a "beat up old holden". Your husband wants to change you......why? Does he hope you will be disfigured so you are not attractive any more....will that make him feel better about himself? Dont lose your confidence the way I did based on what he is doing to you. You are still the same beautiful person he married....unfortunately he hasnt come to terms with the fact that a beautiful woman can love someone as deeply as an "ugly" woman can. Dont allow him to destroy your confidence. Dont allow him to make you become dependent on him. He is totally disrespecting you. He is treating you like garbage and you dont deserve it.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are having a really tough time at home with your hubby. I really feel for you in this situation, because his negativity towards you must be damaging your confidence. I don't think there is anything worse than having someone you love not be turned on by you.
I know that from my experience, my partner sometimes turns off from sex when he is really stressed out about something (usually something he needs to work through himself). So that may be all it is.
From what you have written, it seems like you have done more than your fair share of trying to spice up this relationship (I am not saying that you should stop..)
I think that maybe instead of making the issue all about the sex, maybe you could try organising something like a weekend away... or a picnic in a private spot, and have a day enjoying each other's company... were a sexy bikini... all day.. so he gets to perve all he wants, and flirt with him like you used to when you first got together... then maybe some sex action might happen naturally instead of him (and you ) feeling like it needs to happen.
If you keep nagging him about porn, I feel it will make things worse. (He will just do it more to get away from you) You have obviously told him it bothers you, so there isn't much more to say about it. He either changes or he doesn't... and it is up to you to figure out wether you can live with that for the rest of your life or not.
If you can't (I couldn't) take some action and suggest a break. Then you (and he) can figure out what you both really want.
Hope that all makes sense.

Answer 3

Well, in a real relationship, looks don't matter. Love isn't defined by physical appearance or any physical activity. He wants you to get breast implants so he'll be more turned on by you? I'm sorry to say, but when you truly love somebody, you are turned on by that person. Not because of how you look, but because everything about you he'd love and be excited about, thus he'd be sexually attracted to you. Respect has obviously been lost, and I believe at least some of the love has faded. I can't assume that he's been cheating, but cheating oftentimes makes it less appealing to sleep with their partner. These are simply possibilities, things that seem to be the case. I really hope I'm wrong. Just give this a little thought. If you want to talk more about it, send me an e-mail at [e-mail].

Heath

Answer 4

You could dress in 1k diamonds and it still won't matter. Simply because it is him and not you. I know that you are hurt, trust me, ( I have some major issues with that stuff, but that is just me). I hope it's not an affair but I think it may be just because of the simple fact that he is trying to get you to change and while your jumping hoops he can be out with someone else without your burden. I don't want to sound harsh, so please don't take it that way. Maybe do like the first response and follow him one day, but be careful and get your heart in a mindset so you don't blow incase of bad sightings.
What happens when you stop trying to feed into the fantasy? If he does nothing, then I think it's time to seek counseling, if he will go.
I wish you the best of luck and hope it works out in the end.

Answer 5

I raised a son, and a daughter, so I think I can give you good advise. First of all, if you like this girl, talk to your parents and see if a get together with all of you can be arranged. That would be helpful, because then the girls mother would get a chance to see what environment you live in, plus, there would be a chance for both parents(the girl's and yours)to communicate. It is very often that parents do not know whom their children deal with that causes them to be strict on their own children. Next, set an example. You are both 14 years old and it is a parents' duty and responsibility to make upstanding citizen out of our children. So abide by the rules--do all your homework and study for school. That will impress the other parents as well. We mom's do not want our girls to date a guy who does not want to get ahead in life and who thinks school is not for him. As a parent we do like the good guys. Lastly, make a deal with yourself that you can wait. Get to know the girl, try to get permission to take her to a movie or other fun event where you got the permission of both parents and then make sure you stick to the time you are supposed to bring her back. Again, we moms love the good and reliable guy. If you get your chance and do all that, then you truly have a chance. The rest will fall automatically in place as long as you don't try to rush things.

Answer 6

he obviously married for the plain looks and when he gets tired of it- he ventures into new adventure and now suggests you to alter your beautiful body. wow!!! aren't you thankful you've got divorce in your country? bcuz this guy deserves to be in the outer space!!

ei you must love this man..duh..nohh this "boy" to have thought of doin' all those u mentioned to please or get his attention. well, you see all is in vain unless may be you follow his suggestion from cup c to cup d but a sane woman should look beyond it and not allow to be treated like a whore. C'mon woman!! did you married him for the sex? if not, and you feel intimacy as couples are a chore to beg for- think again. It may not be the most important ingredient in marriage but it surely spices up the bond and losing it will bring doubts, depression & a question of ones worth which you are currently in now. Two things: talk it over again and clearly lay your cards or ask him what he really wants. if you will not agree to his likings- prepare to leave until he is ready to act his age or at least be the man you married. If everything falls apart- be glad you aren't involve anymore. Do something you yourself & God will take care of the rest.

Answer 7

I know how you feel. This is exactly what happened between me and my x husband. I tried everything and nothing worked. I even tried to go to swing parties with him but I couldn't bring myself to do anything but sit in a corner and get drunk.

After a year of not having sex, I had enough and left him. I said to him "if I don't do it for you anymore then there is no point in wasting both of our lives trying to fix something that will not work."

Not long after our divorce, I met my current boyfriend and he treats me like a queen.

Answer 8

first, it is not you. Your husband has a problem....kind of like a drug....the more you take the more you want and the more variety you need to keep up the buzz.

He is going to tell you.....you are over reacting....your crazy....you need help....oh, I could go on and on here....because , well what else is he going to say....admit what he is doing....thinking....He hasn't admitted it to himself yet....he sees only what his passions are demanding....Porn starts out making one feel free....reaching heights beyond reality....then you need to try to make the fantasy real......it perpetuates because....like a drug....you want to go higher....and yet nothing ever satisfies that desire.....

I know that sounds prudish to people who are into porn....but it usually not only starts controlling peoples lives....it usually destroys peoples lives in the end.

If he doesn't see a problem with his life style......how can you stay in that marriage.....why try to measure up to such a big check list.....today it fake boobs.....then what....hair color....tons of outfits.....it won't make a difference....its not you.

I only believe in divorce when there is cheating.....otherwise whats the point........

Answer 9

He's a jerk. He treats you like trash. Yes, you're married and you have that bond but he will continue treating you like $hit, no matter what changes you make to yourself ( DO NOT go have surgery for this guy)

Divorce him and move on, you deserve better.

Answer 10

You both need to see a reputable marriage counselor. If he doesnt wish to go, then there's more to this story than he's ready to admit. Stop knocking yourself out. Retain your self esteem. One cant MAKE another interested, if they dont wish to be. That does NOT make it YOUR problem.