It will take some time, but eventually we will be debt free. Unfortunately, my husband is one of those people who sees something and has to have it there and then. I've been really trying to get through to him, but nothing seems to be working.
I've tried the scare tactic (by showing him how far in debt we really are), but he instead goes out and spends even more money (like he's in denial...oh dear). I've tried reverse psych by pretending its not that bad, but that doesn't work either.
I've tried making him responsible by getting him to look after bills, but he'll skip payments so that he can buy what he wants instead. I've tried taking control of all the money and giving him an "allowance", but he then borrows money off friends, so we end up having to pay them back!
ARRGGGH! If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation your thoughts would be appreciated!
2007-04-29 19:19:00 · 6 answers · asked by Moneta 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sweetie your definately trying but don't give up. A few tricks that have helped reverse myself.
1. I used to post our budget everywhere, on the fridge, in the bathroom. Right by the budget I put something that I was saving for ( I know this case you said bills) But, I had a picture of DisneyWorld. Knowing if I saved this much we could go. Even if I knew that I was saving it for bills, it caught the diversion of my eyes and got me in the saving mode.
2. I am now a budget freak and try to budgete everything, once he sees how easy it is to do; maybe he will jump on the bandwagon and feel good contributing as much as he did spending.
3. There alot of free clinics out there that motivate 'bad debtors' into cleaning up there clinic. Just do some research on some that are local.
4. Start the savings plan as suggested, and no not for divorce court. You know he can do it, u just got find his carrot :)
I know it seems like a lot of leg work for you but trust me; if you want it bad enough you unforturtanetly have to the work to get you there. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need any help just holler! lol
2007-04-29 19:47:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that sounds just like my husband. I've been on him for so long because we have some debt and I want to get our credit fixed so we can eventually get a house. But he's a big baby and when he sees something he wants he has to have it. I try to curb the spending but sometimes I can't. I hate people that say to sit down and make a budget, because I've tried that. He always says he knows and he understands and he wants to work on it and save money too. Then, he sees something he wants and he's impulsive and he gets it. His money burns holes in his pockets. I try to take all the money from him all the time and I even tell him when he gets pissed that it's his own fault. He says he can do it and doesn't want to spend money so I let him hang on to some.....and it's the same bullshit. I really don't have any advice, but please, please, please, if you find something that works, tell me!!! LOL Good luck
2007-04-30 02:55:16 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Monty, he obviously needs help. Einstein said that you can't solve a problem by following the same process that got you into the problem in the first place. You are in debt and if you want to get out of debt, something different has to be done. You've doing your best and he seems to be the one who is missing the message. So, how to get the message to him? Counseling/therapy is the only thing I can think of. Tell him counseling is necessary. Ask him how he wants to live the rest of your married life together...in debt or out of debt? If he chooses debt, seriously consider finding another partner. If he wants to be out of debt, ask him how he believes this can be achieved? Ask him for specifics and write it down. Have him sign the pan and you sign the plan. Build in a weekly review, to check weekly goals. Obviously it's important to be honest at these weekly meetings. If he won't take this seriously and refuses counseling, again, may sound harsh but seriously consider finding another partner. He is not honoring himself by his conduct and he certainly isn't honoring you and your efforts. If he intends to continue this way the rest of his life, is this the kind of life you really want for yourself? That's where you're headed. Give him a wake up call, tell him to get his act together or hit the road. But mean it.
2007-04-30 02:36:17 · answer #3 · answered by judgebill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the allowance doesn't work, then you need to separate the accounts. Take enough money out of his account to pay the bills. Might even sneak a little extra to put into a savings account that he doesn't know about so when an emergency comes up, there will be money to take care of it. Outside the savings stash, you need 3 accounts. 1 for household, one for him and one for you. DO NOT give him access to the household account or your account. When he runs out of money and borrows from his friends, he will either pay it back out of his own account next payday, or the friends will eventually get tired of loaning him money. If they come to you for the money he borrowed, then tell them you were unaware of him borrowing any money and they need to take it up with him.
2007-04-30 02:38:23 · answer #4 · answered by sassynsweet1221 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to start a secret saving account that your husband knows nothing about. That way when you finally divorce him you won;t be left penniless and in debt. He will never change, he is a loser who knows you will "save" him. Dump him while you are young..
2007-04-30 02:27:52 · answer #5 · answered by joker_32605 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU need to get it through to YOURSELF that your husband obviously won't stick to a budget.
2007-04-30 02:21:30 · answer #6 · answered by mimi s 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋