How do I get my husband to appreciate me and spend time with me outside of the bedroom?

Question

Hey ya'll! I really need some help with this! My 5th anniversary is in December and my husband dosen't take me on dates or do anything special. He has no imagination and I am tired of being the wife, mother, manager and student. He dosen't cook, hates to clean but is improving in that area. What can I do?

Answer 1

You two need to sit down and talk now before it goes from bad to worse.
Make a list of the things you do everyday take a few days to do it so you can add the things you forget. Make a list from him as well on what you see him do each day. Then schedule a time for you and him to sit and talk- no kids- someplace quiet if possible. Then discuss the issue that you feel overburdened and stressed. Talk about the lists and ask him to add to his. Then be honest and ask him to help you find a balance you can both maintain in your home. Sharing chores, kids, certain things that get overloaded. Then ask him if he misses spending time alone with just the two of you back when you were dating, I bet he does. Make a promise to each other that you get at least 3-4 hours with no kids etc just for you both each month. A Movie, Lunch/Dinner, go for a drive and walk.
Next you need to discuss sex- if life on its own is in a rut sex probabaly is too or soon will be. Spice things up admit one thing you have always wanted to try, one thing he does you love most in bed, or suggest something new that excites you. Making time to be a couple and sticking to it makes married people sane. It's alot easier to sneak in a sexy moment while picking up kid toys then you think. Mom and Dad will get a rush over having a secret sexy touch or whisper while they clean a house and excitment for when the kids are asleep finally later that night.

Answer 2

Sounds like you guys are so busy in life with the kids, school etc.

You need to start dating each other again, you can make plans get a babysitter and tell your Husband you guys are going out for tea, while eating tea have a good break from everything no talking of the kids, work, money etc!! no stress

after tea just sit in the car (not while drving) and have a good talk and tell him, I am your wife the woman of your dreams, I love you and I really hope after all these years you still love me!!!
And say I don't want to be another nagging wife but I really need for you to help around the house like cooking tea at least once a week, help with the kids like givng them a bath (if they are to young to bath themselves) tell him what you need him to do...

men aren't mind readers so explain in detail

like wash the dishes
cook tea
don't just say help me around the house, he might think something else and start painting the house for example...

then reward him when he does do the dishes or cook tea tell him thank-you and make sure he knows you appreciate him aswell..

with the imagination thing if you mean SEX may-be get some porn and copy there moves to spice things up, or wear sexy clothes and strip for him

it goes both ways he might be thinking you don't appreciate him and don't bother so why should he try

good luck

Answer 3

It sounds like the marriage has gone stale. I don't no the details or have interest, however, try spicing up the marriage with spontaneity. I would suggest going on a vacation, away from the kids, work, school, etc. Probably somewhere exotic, try a far off beach in the tropics. The less clothing, the better. Good luck & don't forget the whip cream....

Answer 4

Ask him on a date? Tell him how you feel? Look for a good divorce lawyer?

Was he this way when you met him? If so, you've got an up hill battle. I suggest you take the lead and show him how a real relationship is suppose to be and explalin (not yell) to him why its important that he treat you like a woman and not some maid he gets to have sex with.

Answer 5

Sounds like he just wants a maid and sex..... You need to talk with him and tell him there is more to a marriage than that. You need a companion, a friend to talk to...Something to share with him outside of the bedroom to keep the emotional ties strong... My husband didn't get it, after yrs of neglect except for sex and me writing him letters and trying to tell him I needed more. Then besides the mental abuse he turned to physically abusing me a few times too. It wasn't hitting so he thinks it was nothing. I hope things improve for you and he really loves you. Mine didn't so we are in the middle of a divorce...Good luck!

Answer 6

What I would do is tell him we are going to have a nice dinner out just the two of us and make a date when this is going to happen. It is not all up to the men to make romance the woman has to do it as well.

Answer 7

Hi,
Stop being his mother . He should share in all responsibilities of the house. You are as busy as he is so he should contribute to his share. If not then let it slip.

You cannot force someone to take you to dates/do special things it should come from the heart. If it is not in his heart then ask him why ?

Answer 8

Tell him you want to do things outside the bedroom. And if that doesn't work, KICK HIS BUTT TO THE STREETS! Beside, you need someone you will help you around the house. Not some lazy jerk.

Answer 9

Go on strike...pack your bags and get away for two or three days. Do not answer the cell phone and do not call home...he'll get the idea.

Answer 10

You are not on honeymoon anymore, but why don't you suggest him to go out for dinner, or going somewhere for the weekend??
Are you scare to take charge???