Caught my husband cheating with a married woman,her husband has no idea..should he be told and by whom and how

Question

Been struggling with this for 2 years now.They are both friends of ours!?!?!? HELP

No...we do not hang out.My husband was the one who had the friendship more so with the husband.I was more of an acquaintance.I was kept at arms length when their affair started.Why did I not tell 2 years ago?Because I was afraid I would lose my husband to the other woman.We have been together since the age of 12 and now in our late 40's.I thought we were soul mates?!?!?

Answer 1

Geez, I don't know what you should do.. But I know what I would do.. Call the poor guy and ask him out...

GL

Answer 2

I know a lady who told me that her husband never cheated in over 30 years of marriage. She said that she never had any concerns about him at all. And .. this lady would have been radar, She said suddenly, she got a huge feeling in her gut that was telling her something about her husband. She said the feeling almost seemed to talk to her. And .. she had NO reason to experience this feeling .. and she had NEVER experienced the feeling before. There were NO signs that he was doing anything. But that incredible .. undeniable .. feeling was there for months. Eventaully - one day she received an email from a secretary who the wife did not know - who told her how great her husband was. The emails did not stop there .. they continued .. and the things said about her husband continued .. such as how sweet he was, how he helped her, how he was her favorite, etc. The wife confronted her husband with this. He said he did not know WHY this secretary was doing this. He swore that he did not do anything to ag this on. He was stunned .. and probably scared. It became evident that the secretary had a thing for her husband. SO .. this lady's gut feeling was "right-on". The gut feeling finally left her .. but it left her when the husband would not even speak to the secretary any more .. and the secretary quit and moved on. So did the gut feeling quit and move on.

Answer 3

Wow you must be one forgiving person! I could never experience that and still call someone a friend. If you know the truth and still choose to stay with your husband in spite of knowing what went on, then great, you as the "victim" had an opportunity to make that choice. But this woman's husband, on the other hand is not only clueless, but is being forced to live a lie, by not knowing the truth of his wife's indiscretion. I say if people are selfish enough to comitt these kind of serious acts of betrayal, then they need to be mature enough to face the consequences. At this point, you are ALL betraying him! Oh sure, you can convince yourselves that you are doing it to spare his feelings, but imagine how foolish he will feel if and when he finds out from another source, and that could very well happen. I cannot imagine you as the one who was cheated on, ever being able to be in the same room with your husband and this so-called "friend". The reason you are struggling with this, is because in reality it is the duty of this woman to inform her husband of the infidelity, and here you are protecting her and your husband for the sake of your "friendship". It makes you a culprit in the lies and deceit.

Answer 4

You've been keeping this in for 2 years?! ouch! Honesty is the most important thing. He should be told, by you, because you are the one that "caught them in the act". How should be up to you, but it really is an "in person" kind of a thing. It probably should have been done when you first found out, so it could have been worked through (because now there are going to be some serious trust issues, because not only did it happen, but the other guy's wife never confessed it, and she's had 2 years and probably several opportunities to do so) But late is always, Always, better than never.

Answer 5

So...let me ask you this. Have you forgiven both your husband and the friend? If not, then that's step number one. Next, if this woman and her husband are friends of you and your husband then you need to talk to her. She needs to talk to her husband and let him know. I don't think it is your place at all. If the wife can't tell him then your husband is next in line. You are the victim which means you have no reason to be confessing any sins to this man. Allow the guilty parties to do that.
And ultimately if you do take your husband back I don't think he and this woman can continue a friendship. If you have been dealing with for two years then it wasn't a mistake. This was an affair, which mean things could spark up again from a small cookout or cup of coffee.
And for the record...this woman is not your friend or your husband friend and vice versa for your husband. Friends wouldn't ruin each other's lives. Know that and move on past this friendship. But if you do forgive your husband please forgive and forget because that is true forgiveness!

Answer 6

If it was a one time thing when you "caught them in the act" and you have dealt with the infidelity in your marriage over two years ago. You have done your part. If you think your keeping a secret from your "friends" marriage, you are. It's called "forever holding your peace."

The other marriage is a vow between the married couple. If she screwed up, but didn't want to reveal her infidelities to her spouse and rather spare him the hurt, but hasn't committed the same act in two years then maybe it's time to let it go. Let her deal with her own issues.

All your thinking of doing is "getting even" because you saw them together. It won't make your hurt feel better, it won't make your husband feel guiltier, it won't make her feel guiltier. Let bygones, be bygones and keep your own husband from straying anymore.

There is a saying "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder (separate)" Just work on your marriage, let her work on hers. But drop the act. If you don't want to associate with them anymore, tell your husband and quit being so friendly. She'll get the hint.
Ps. Find yourself some new friends to hang out with and tell your husband you're still having trust issues about what happened. If he loves you, he'll understand.

Answer 7

Is he still cheating with her? If so then I would definetly be calling!!! Otherwise it all depends on how /if you have let this go. If you have forgiven him--TRULY forgiven him--then you drudging up things from the past only shows that you haven't forgiven and haven't moved forward in trying to salvage the relationship that you have stated that dedicated yourself to. Think about the consequences and what is the ultimate outcome of the situation is if you divulge the affair. Will it hurt the other party? Will it ruin their marriage?? Are you willing to be responsible? Have you thought about discussing this with the wife and your husband to have THEM tell the husband who doesn't know--it isn't your place--it certainly is THEIR responsiblity. Think about the outcomes before you go and start something that is two years old. You may cause yourself a lot of undue stress, and remember it isn't about revenge,if you have truly forgiven him.

Answer 8

It is really not your place to tell him. I know most people will tell you that is, but they are wrong. Especially if the affir was so long ago. Let it. Hurting her and her usband will not make you feel any better. I think you may want to look into some counseling and get help figuring what is really bothering you. It sounds like you are still hurt by what your husband did (justifiably of course) and are looking to make your self feel better by outing the other woman. Keep it to yourself and get counseling. I hope you are able to someday find peace in your heart and find closure on this issue.

Answer 9

Sounds like your husband and the married woman are real winners. At least he broke his marriage covenant with a friend. Why don't you go after the woman's husband. If it works out, a 4-way might be in the offing.

Get some self respect and kick your husband to the curb. The other couple needs to handle their own problems. Quit being a doormat and accepting his infidelities.

Answer 10

I guess it depends...What do you want?

If you have known for two years and done nothing up to now, why are you thinking of doing something at this point in time?

If you are considering spilling the beans and letting her husband know, then you must be ready to accept the consequences....Your husband's anger at being exposed, the woman's freaking out, the other man's reaction.
Things will never be the same.

Answer 11

You need to tell him and leave your husband two years good lord honey you don't deserve this in your life you are better than this and so is the other womans husband. Just tell him what you know and if you have proof show him. I don't know what else to say. I feel for you and him and I m sorry you are having to live with this. I do wish you the best.