Is being gay or lesbian a choice? Does someone just wake up one morning and say - I think i like men today? Or is it something that develops over a period of time? Or is it (what i think) programmed into your brain before you are even born?
I'm not gay, i'm just curious as to what you people think of this.
2007-04-29 13:05:12 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
The thing is the concept of 'sexual orientation' is faulty and based on unstable ground, and people are still not sure what it really means.
E..g there is not really a solid consensus of what 'homosexuality' constitutes. Or who is really 'gay'?
I have this to say about 'gay' and 'straight' that may help:
Straight: Straight actually means mainstream, and it is only in the west that heterosexuality, that too exclusive heterosexuality has been made mainstream. In the rest of the world only sex within marriage is allowed in mainstream and no public display of affection between men and women. See the recent furore over Gere and Shilpa Shetty kissing on stage.
the actual straight sexualtiy is bisexual, but since most straight men have to suppress their sexual need for men, and since gays claim it all as their own, Straights seem 'heterosexual'. Besides they have also been defined contrivingly as 'heterosexual'.
Gay:
Gay is actually a reincarnation of the traditional 'third gender' space that has always existed in all societies, in all ages, except in Christian societies in the west.
Originally, the third gender space was a honoured space for feminine gendered males, whatever their sexuality was.
As societies started forcing men to mate with women (very few men mated with women regularly in nature ------- surprised!), they started to play dirty gender and sexual politics. One of the first victims were the third gendered people. The space was now defined in terms of transgendered males who take it in, especially exclusively. they were also known to be promiscuous.
All through the world, eversince, this third gender or 'gay' space has been known by different names: "Catamite" in the ancient Greece, Hijra in medieval India, Kathoey in Thailand, Pandaka in ancient south and south east asia, Lady boy and several such names all over the world (except in cut off tribal societies where third gender still was only about transgenderd without any reference to their sexuality).
Non transgendered males who desired men (whether exclusively or not) have always been considered mainstream (and thus straight!) and part of the 'men's gender' by these societies where sex and love between men was very common ------ whether openly or underground.
There has been a constrant struggle between the FORCES OF HETEROSEXUALISATION (which was created by empowering of male-female sex by society's obsession with increasing reproduction beyond what occurs naturally!) on the one hand....... and MEN'S SPACES on the other. The former has been trying to redefine the men's space totally in terms of 'sexuality for women' so that manhood itself would mean desring women (and not just reproducing)...... and to redefine the third gender space totally in terms of sexuality for men, which would deny manhood to any man who desired men.
After industrialisation the forces of heterosexualistion got the power and the opportunity to redefine social spaces, and they created the concept of sexual orientation with the use of which they started isolating same-sex desires in the mainstream community.
They could only do it because they had first destroyed the men's spaces by heterosexualisating them, otherwise men woulod never have allowed this to be done. Men had already been rendered incapable of voicing their needs or concerns about same-sex sexuality by the way manhood has been defined.
But still, since the essence of the 'gay' space is third gender, mainly feminine gendered (incuding trans, effeminate and masculine-acting males) who like 'taking it in' relate to the word. So much so that even liking another man is considered to be equivalent to a desire to be entered (which most men who like men don't) and thus to be 'gay'.
Being 'gay' is not just a sexual identity, it is an important tool of the politics of manhood through which men are banished from manhood and the mainstream male community (straight).
Some non-effeminate guys and those who are not into receptive sex also get fooled by the definition and adopt it (especially when their sexual need is exclusively for men), but they are never comfortable with the gay identity and fitting in is a constant struggle. Most men who like men (and they are the majority in the straight world) however prefer to suppress or hide their sexual need for men, and exaggerate their sexual need for women, rather than acknowledge their sexual nned for men and be forced with the 'gay' label.
Gays think such men are 'incapabale of accepting their sexuality' but gays are just being convenient. Gay space is fit only for the third sex, not for men.
2007-05-01 01:51:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi Brian! The only "choice" a gay/lez person makes is to either act upon or suppress what comes naturally to them. Society's general lack of acceptance (which is improving, btw) & many religious teachings instill in us as children that homosexuality is wrong &/or evil. This creates an enviroment where we end up not exploring our sexuality & just automatically assume we are all born heterosexual. Whenever we start to become aware of gay feelings, we usually are frightened or confused. Some gay folk fare better than others & have better self-acceptance & help from loved ones from the very beginning.
I became aware that I was lesbian 10 years ago, but was terrified & as people began to talk & treat me rudely, I ran back into the closet. Now, I have finally accepted myself & I am integrated. I am more ME than ever before! :D
2007-04-29 13:22:35 · answer #2 · answered by maeveangel 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
no, its not a choice. Being gay is very hard, i cant even walk down the halls of my school without hearing the words "fag" or "dyke" But whats even worse than the harrassment at school is the verbal and emotional abuse at home. Knowing that your family hates you for being who you are, that you cant change the way you love and as long as you love that person your family will never tell you that they love you. I cant live the life that most people get to. I cant get married to the love of my life, I can't raise children and show them how much i love them. Everyday is a struggle trying to get by and be accepted at the same time.....people get killed for being gay. why would any of us want to live life in constant fear? Its not a choice.
2007-04-29 13:15:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Most gay people (both men AND women) were born that way although there are a few gay people that, due to being in abusive relationships decided to become gay. But, those are rare cases. Just like black people are born black & white people are born white-- you're born the being way you will eventually become.
2007-04-29 13:24:09 · answer #4 · answered by Chris F 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, I believe that 98% of homosexuals were born that way. The 2% are people that were sexually abused by people of the opposite sex or same sex and quite a few that I am not quite sure about. I have read some studies with many different angles.
2007-04-29 13:15:01 · answer #5 · answered by Illuminamy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some of my homosexual friends say it's just the way the were born. Just like how you are born with brown hair or green eyes. The only "choosing" in the matter is if they choose to be on the closet or to come out and be proud. I don't know....I just feel bad for them because society makes it very hard on them to just be themselves. Instead they think they can reprogrammed, which is a bunch of crap.
2007-04-29 13:16:01 · answer #6 · answered by Jamie B 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is not a choice. There have been numerous scientific research studies that all show that it is linked to biological and genetic factors.
Due to this scientific research, even the ultra conservative Southern Baptist Theological Seminary president has said that scientific research "points to some level of biological causation" for homosexuality & "I am absolutely confident that a large number of homosexuals are telling the truth when they say they did not choose that orientation."
2007-04-29 13:34:43 · answer #7 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am not gay either. I dont buy its genetic or born that way, but I believe it can come from a number of factors and oh hell I am going to get a lot of thumbs down on this one but here goes. some just do it out of curiosity, I know of one person who reallly got the royal shaft from a woman and now gets it from a man-oops sorry terrible joke-just kidding. anyway, theres curiosity, maybe a molestation in the past, but only a gay knows why they are gay. being gay doesnt make you a bad person though and I may make a joke but hey if they wanna be gay then so be it. people talk about reversing the gayness but ya just cant do that. well I think I have gotten enough gays mad at me for the day. have a nice one.
2007-04-29 13:15:49 · answer #8 · answered by molly 6 · 4⤊ 3⤋
well ya it is kinda a life choice but it also kinda developes you dont just wake up one day and say im gay it developes over a period of time.but i also think its a life choice you choose to be hated and be called names i mean im a lesbian but its still something that happens to you and you get called names.its a choice bc you can choose to lie to ur self and say im not gay so you can avoid all the pain that ppl will cause you by calling you names... but i wont ever lie to myself and say im not gay bc i am and idc what ppl say bout me bc i amn who i choose to be so idk if its a choice/something that happens over a period of time take what i said and use it how you will
2007-04-29 16:05:16 · answer #9 · answered by BOBO 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not the person's choice to be gay/lesbian. It's because of his/her hormones. No matter how hard the person tries, he/she could never escape it. Even if he/she did escape it, it still lingers and will always come back to him/her.
2007-04-29 13:10:39 · answer #10 · answered by Soa's Fate~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not a choice. There have been multiple scientific studies saying that it is not. Besides, nobody would choose to be gay, there are many hardships to go with it. Trust me, I am.
2007-04-29 14:12:28 · answer #11 · answered by stfan95 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋