I live with my grandparents.My boyfriend lives with us as well. He and I are planning to move out around january (btw i am 18) we have talked about it with my family and everyone seems to think that this will work out. My grandmother however seems to think differently. She wants us to get married if we are going to move out. I dont want to upset her but i dont want to get married right away. Its not that i dont love him.. i just dont want to get married it because SHE wants us to.
Is that wrong??
2007-04-29 10:25:27 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No it is not. If you are not ready to get married then you shouldn't.
I am surprised that she is letting you guys live together in her home.
Have you asked her why she wants you two married? Maybe her reasons for it are valid. Maybe she is worried about something and your talking to her face to face will help you two resolve these issues.
Good Luck.
SMILE
2007-04-29 10:31:37 · answer #1 · answered by krzytru 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not wrong at all, Your grandmother is from the old school and they believe you should marry before you live together. But in today's world lots of people live together first. I personally think it's better to live together first because you can get to know each other and figure out if you can handle the pet peeves we all have. Sometimes the relationship doesn't work out and you can pick up and go, if you get married first then there's a chance of divorce later... I'm sure your grandma wouldn't like that either... Marriage is something that's supported to last until death do you part... What better way is there than living together to see if it's going to work? Good luck!!
2007-04-29 10:44:36 · answer #2 · answered by Flying w/ scissors 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then don't.
But never. ever think that your Grandma is not thinking of your wellbeing. She comes from a different age for sure - but she is not so fuddy duddy that she did not allow you and your boyfriend to live with her.
Try to figure out why she is so insistant about this. Do you think that she sees what is goingon around her where girls give up so much of themselves and then they are dumped?
Perhaps she is worried about your heartache if that should happen to you. Or maybe she is just trying to see just how very serious you two are about each other.
Of course do not get married to please anyone - that is doomd to failure.
But prhaps have a serious chat with her and get to the bottom of why she feels this way. If she cannot come up with anything other than she would like an afternoon out and a new frock then at least you know that it is you two who are the sane ones!
Either way - she loves you - try not to upset her. Your Grandma will always be on your side when the rest of the world is against you - believe me! I am one!
Be happy in your future whatever you decide.
Good luck and good fortune.
2007-04-29 10:35:45 · answer #3 · answered by isobellistowel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not wrong. Your grandmother has a different way of seeing things since she is wiser and an elder. You do not want to disappoint her yet still feel the need to do things your way. I suggest that you have a talk with her...maybe tell her that you and your boyfriend are trying to see if it will work out by living together for a while and will definitely get married soon enough, just so she is happy.
2007-04-29 10:30:24 · answer #4 · answered by HYN 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you doing living with a boyfriend at 18? I'm surprised she allows him to live there! You are far too young for such a serious relationship. If you were to marry him right now, there is a good chance a divorce will follow in the next few years.
Make sure Grandma knows you appreciate her and everything she's done for you, but you are adults now and you have to do what you have to do. Be thankful to her and show her the respect she deserves, but stand firm on your point of view. I don't think you're wrong. Just make sure you remind her that you love her and do respect her opinion...you just need to things your way because you need to learn on your own. You can't do that with everyone making decisions for you.
2007-04-29 10:34:23 · answer #5 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT get married. I went through the exact same thing not too long ago. except it was my dad that was the only one that wanted me and my boyfriend to get married. it was a hard thing to go through. my dad even went to the extent of saying that if I moved out of the house without getting married he would never talk to me again. that really hurt. My boyfriend and I are going to get married, but there's a few different reasons why we're waiting. there were times I felt like just running to my dad and telling him I will get married, just to make him happy again. luckily the rest of my family was there to support me and defend me. even my grandma stuck up for me, and I thought she was the one that was going to be upset. well after about 2 months my dad got over it. now we're as close as we were before and he doesn't hate my boyfriend. so my advice is: IF you're actually ready to move out, you KNOW 100% you can make it financially, you're sure you love your boyfriend and you plan on marrying him in the future, move out and keep trying to get your grandmother to come around. good luck.
2007-04-29 10:33:42 · answer #6 · answered by Me 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should never get married because someone else wants you to. Only get married when the time is right for YOU. I don't think you are wrong in how you feel. Surely, grandma will come around and understand that.
2007-04-29 10:31:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your dilemma. Family can be our worse critics....and we never want to disappoint them. However, it is ur life and ur happiness. I don't think it is wrong . If you don't feel like getting married then don't. Many parents and grand parents like to see their kids and grand kids get married. On the other hand, if they are already married they want you to have a child. It is just that they like to see these things happen in their life time. While they are still here with us. I know you understand ur grandmother just wants what she thinks is the best for you. Reassure her it will happen. Just not right away.
Good luck
2007-04-29 10:34:19 · answer #8 · answered by Guitargirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is your bf there? How old is he? Don't get married until you have been out in the REAL world and have to behave as an actual couple. Living with family brings much dependency into the relationship (on the family). And you need to keep your drama to yourselves, hard to do when others are around.
2007-04-29 10:30:10 · answer #9 · answered by Melody 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do what is right for you, your grandmother will come round she just has and old fashioned and in some ways unreasonable take on the world.
Don't worry she will some round she loves you, but you must tell her that you are not ready for the whole wedding thing.
By living with each other your are committed but without the big do. Maybe it the knees up shes after ;-)
2007-04-29 10:30:42 · answer #10 · answered by bambam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋