Im Sreaming
Screaming words that have no meanings
Im crying
I heard what you said
About you wishing i was dead
I wish it was a lie
But you want me to die
I going to make your wish come true
This is what im going to do
Im going to put the gun to my head
You will hear it and come rushing
But too late the blood is gushing
You start crying and grab the gun
You put it to your head
The tears have been shed
Now we are dead
This is the first poem i have ever done i think its okay
Tell me what you think
2007-04-29 09:48:01 · 11 answers · asked by Jake R 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It's so emo, it made me want to puke =) haha... other than that I say it's a great poem for a begginner, but you started loosing the drift after "I going to make your wish come true", so you might want to fine tune it and tweak it here and there. Lastly, don't become emo ^^
2007-04-29 10:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by Arial L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is great- it's got all the emotions going- crying , screaming, wanting to die etc. It sounds kinda Shakespearean Romeo and Juliet-ish. Instead of "Now we are dead" at the end of the poem you should say 'Haha you have to bury us now, hope I ruined your day! Then it would be a friggin masterpiece!
2007-04-29 16:54:13 · answer #2 · answered by funkybass4ever! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It started out good. I felt your emotions in your words. Then on line eight, I lose my attention to the poem. My mind started to drift. Why? You replaced some strong emotions in line 8 with cerebral thoughts. Stick to feelings. It's more powerful.
2007-04-29 16:52:17 · answer #3 · answered by mac 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty emo, I'll give you that. You just put together a bunch of words about pain, and that's just about it.
2007-04-29 16:50:10 · answer #4 · answered by Liquid Snake 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont be emo that freaking gross and it's ok as a first poem but i don't reccomend influencing others.
GET HELP QUICK!
2007-04-29 16:52:33 · answer #5 · answered by xoxl3eachl3abexox 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
it's very depressing
but I think that's what you were going for.
and just so you know, good poems don't have to rhyme
2007-04-29 16:51:07 · answer #6 · answered by Lucy 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yea thats pretty emo.
2007-04-29 16:51:13 · answer #7 · answered by wakeupcall4 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
emo is gheyy
2007-04-29 16:50:34 · answer #8 · answered by kitty 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i like it.
2007-04-29 16:51:03 · answer #9 · answered by ShullyR 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
thats queer go slob on someones knob and get a lyfee
2007-04-29 16:50:33 · answer #10 · answered by Hayyleyy ( : 1 · 2⤊ 4⤋