A little more detail on my problem?

Question

My mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor when I was 6 years old. After 9 months and probably 20 surgeries she couldn’t talk, feed herself, and she could barely walk. My brothers, my dad, and I were caring for her like she was a baby. It was tearing our family apart. I had to “baby-sit” at 6 years old. The year before she passed away she was in a vegetative state and made life even harder. My mom passed away two years later when I was 8, just before I started the third grade. I was devastated. I was supposed to be “mommy’s little princess.” I always asked myself and still sometimes do, “Why would god take my mom away.” My life hasn’t been going much better since than. I am 15 years old now and live in a small Mormon community with my dad and two brothers. We are one of the few non-Mormon families around.

2 years ago we had a Mormon family of6 moved in next door to us. They have 2girls (10,12) and 2boys (6,8). As I watch their mom I see all of the motherly things in her as I have dreamed of having in a mom. She takes them shopping; she talks with them as they clean their room; she just seems like a perfect mother. Sometimes I just want her to sit and talk with me about my mom, but I don’t want to be the one to bring it up. So I decided to just not talk to her and it’s been about 3 weeks that I haven’t talked to her, but I still play with her daughters, but I won’t go in the house. So today she sent one of her girls to ask me why I won’t talk to her because she’s afraid that she did something wrong. So I told the girl to just tell her mom that it wasn’t her fault and I left it at that. Does her wanting to know why I won’t talk to her mean anything? what should I do? I used to talk to her like say hi and stuff but I figured if I didn’t really talk to her at all it would help me.

I think that the reason I don't want to talk to her or anything is that she reminds me SOO much of my mom. I don't have a problem with anyone else’s mom.
Everyone is telling me to go talk to her, do you think it would help me if I told her daughters the reason for not wanting to talk to her because more than likely they will tell their mom?

I wrote a letter to her daughter that I’m going to put on here so you can maybe understand my reason a little bit better. -- - Hey --------,
This is -------. I don’t know why I decided to write you letter about this, but I guess I did. You’re mom has been asking you to ask me why I don’t talk to her anymore. And I’m sure that you’re just as curious. So you can either tell your mom or let her read this letter. It is kind of a long story to understand the whole scenario, but I guess here it goes: the reason is, is that your mom reminds me so much of what I remember of my mom. And so at first I thought just hanging around might just help me, but no it just made things worse. I was having nightmares at night; I would wake up and not be able to sleep for hours afterwards. I appeared happy on the outside but on the inside I was getting torn apart.

So after a while I finally got tired of this so I decided to just quit talking or even being around your mom completely and it was working okay until people actually started noticing that’s what I was doing and they started asking questions. That’s where ------- comes in, he would always ask why I had started playing with him more and I would make excuses. Then my excuses started getting lamer and lamer so I had to start telling him that I was shy of everyone’s parents even though you can clearly see that I talk to everyone else’s parents easily. That seemed to make him happy until I quit going over to your house completely and ------- asked what the real reason was and knowing that he is a pretty quiet little kid I figured that I could tell him in words the he wouldn’t be able to remember so I told him that it was hurting me emotionally which is true.

So he figured that, that was too complex and just went back to my original reason that I was to shy to talk to parents. And to avoid anymore questions I decided that I would go over to your house a little bit more which caused the question with you, -------, and your mom which turned my entire plan upside down. I almost completely lost my mind so as you know Saturday I didn’t go over to your house at all I did work that I never would have done just to get the fact the everyone was asking questions. ------ even started asking about it and no I haven’t even told her. So I guess now you know why I can’t talk, it’s not that I don’t want to it’s because I can’t. I hope this cleared some things up I know it took awhile to read and it probably was a little confusing and it may be awhile before you understand but this is the truth and you can’t change it.

I hope this will help you help me a little better.

Answer 1

I have a teacher at school (college) who is mormon, she is the nicest lady I know and you could talk to her about any thing. and I have met many other mormons that are the same way. I really think you should go talk to her, she will understand.

just go over and say " Mrs ____ can we please talk (alone-if you want, or you could ask that one of her daughters be in the room too)." then say "My mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor when I was 6 years old. After 9 months and probably 20 surgeries she couldn’t talk, feed herself, and she could barely walk. My brothers, my dad, and I were caring for her like she was a baby. It was tearing our family apart. I had to “baby-sit” at 6 years old. The year before she passed away she was in a vegetative state and made life even harder. My mom passed away two years later when I was 8, just before I started the third grade." (basicly what you told us) and then say "this has been really really hard on me. and sometimes I even get angry at God for taking my mother away. I see you over here with your girls and you all look so happy. I always dreamed about my mother doing things with me, but she never got the chance. you never did any thing to offend me, and I am not mad at you. you just remind me so much about my mom." then just go from there.

she will be very understanding, and she may be able to help you with some of your problems. you need a mom figure in your life. and she may be able to do at least some of that.

Answer 2

I just looked at your profile and saw where you live--Rexburg. I grew up in Pocatello, and my husband grew up near Dubois (we live in Lewiston now), and he has a sis that lives outside of Rigby. Both he and I know what its like to be non-Mormon in such a highly Mormon area. I'm not going to knock Mormons because most are extrememly nice, compassionate people. But when they are the majority, they tend to alienate non-members. Honestly though, every religion that has a majority hold in a community acts the exact same way towards non-members.

As far as dealing with the mom, I understand how hard it must be for you that she reminds you so much of your mom. I think that you should talk to your dad about it. Then maybe he could talk to your neighbor about it. I don't think its fair to put her kids in the middle of it. I also like the letter that you wrote, but I'd still suggest you talk to your dad. He may not realize how difficult these last few years have been for you. And you may be trying to protect him because he's also gone through hard times losing his wife, but trust me, he'll want to know how you feel.

If there's anything I can help you with, send me an email. [e-mail]

Answer 3

I think you should tell her how you feel and not have her kids tell it to her. I understand that it is hard for you because she reminds you so much of your mom but I think if you told her that, you and her would feel so much better. I'm going to tell you a true story of something that has happened to me that was like what you are going through. I know a girl who is 14 her mom and dad abuse her. Her mom didn't start to abuse her until she was about 6. This girl has memories of how her mom used to be. How her mom used to be nice to her, how she used to play with her, take her shopping... but when her mom and dad got a devorce her mom changed a LOT. This girl lived from 6 until now (she is 14 now) with an extremly abusive mom. She always felt that she "lost" her mother. I understand that this is a little diffrent situation but I think how you feel about losing your mother is the same. The worst part was the she KNEW what she was missing out on because at one point she had had a mom who actually liked her. Anyway when she was 13 she met me. I'm in my late 40's with two grown girls of my own. I also reminded her of how her mother used to be when she was younger. She always felt bad being around me because it brought up memories of what she was "missing out on". She tryed to push me away because I reminded her too much of her mom and it was too painful for her. But it also hurt her because she liked me a lot also. When she stopped talking to me I asked her why and eventually she told me about her mom and how things used to be with her mom and how she felt around me. I wanted to cry because that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. I jumped up and gave her a big hug and told her everything was going to be alright and then she started crying. Really is was one of the nicest things anyone has ever told me. From then on I told her that she could come to me with any problem she ever had. She did. Right now she is in the hospital because her dad abused her also and hurt her so much she ended up in the hospital and I'm working on adopting her so that I can get her out of her abusive home. I understand that the situation is a little diffrent but I think you should talk to her so that she isn't wondering if she did something to make you mad or upset. I also think that you shouldn't really get her kids in the middle of this. Eventually you will most likely have to talk to her about it and its better to just get it off you chest now so you don't feel so bad. I really think that would help you and her and you will feel so much better afterwards. Good Luck! If you ever feel you need to talk to someone you can email me whenever you want.

Answer 4

You should be thankful that God took your mother out of her pain and that he gave you such a great lady next door. She sounds like a wonderful woman. If you continue to push her away she may just let go. Tell her how you feel and I'm sure she can help!..

Good Luck

Answer 5

i have a really good friend whose family is Mormon, and they are awesome, and are always so 'put together' you know??? you should become one.