Im married with children - but i love someone else - whay do i do?

Question

I am married with young children, we have been married for some time nearly five years in fact. But i love someone else! I have met someone who makes me feel so warm inside and although nothing has happened in a sexual way it is very clear about our feelings for each other. I love my children dearly and would hate to be seperated from them - What do i do??

Answer 1

You mean- Do I remain faithful to the woman that I married and have children with, or do I destroy my marriage, devastate my wife, and harm my children; for the sake of outside sex? Yeah, yeah- warm inside, feelings are clear. yeah, yeah, yeah. Got that. But, it DOES boil down to my question. It's the same question every married person answers. Your choice. Honorable adult, or scummy, immature, selfish cheater.

Answer 2

Keep your marriage vows. And then cultivate a real friendship with the other woman. Hopefully you can learn the lesson that married men *can* have other female friends without having to have sex with them. I sympathise as I am in pretty well exactly the same position but even were the other person available and wanting to get together the plain fact is I took a vow of fidelity (for better or for worse) til death us do part. The reason the world is so screwed up is because there is a perception that married people can only be friends with their own gender unless it is a "couples" kind of friendship. Then you have to ask yourself what you mean by "I love someone else!" - you mean you want to have sex wit this woman? Or you value her friendship? How much are you prepared to change your preconceptions in order to keep her as a friend and not betray your wife and your family? Do you want what you want more than your children;s happiness? My wife thinks I am slightly unhinged but we remain close and true to one another and have a relationship based on trust and humour. Look - take this woman friend of yours and keep her as a friend. A real friend. Sure you can "love" her but sit down and write out the essential characteristics of your definition of "love" and then you may get a glimmer if it is just "the grass is always greener" or whether she is in fact a great potential friend. What you imply is that married men can't have a woman as a friend other than their wife, unless they bed them. So all married men are doomed to have no female friends?!! Is that what you really think? And you have been married for "some time"? We have been married for 25 years and we still act like kids. How would your wife feel? Do you "love" her? Is your marriage strong enough for you to tell her how you feel about your new found friend? Ours is. And it takes a strong woman to cope with that. I hope you don't make a silly mistake because your present marital situation is just a tad boring. Think on these things and I hope they help you a little, and good luck.

Answer 3

So you call five years a long time? I was married for 20 years,a good wife to a husband who hit me and made me his under dog, he made me feel I was not attractive and only good for keeping our home clean and looking after the children.
Then I met a man, who, in one glance I knew I wanted to be with, he knew about my Children and I told him I could not leave without them... I was lucky he wanted them with me, as we came as a package. I left my then Husband some 6 months later and I left with nothing, and ended up having nothing, long story. So what I am saying to you is... are you going through a bad patch and looking for warmth and caring
? if so then this is not the reason to leave your Wife, the grass is not greener in some cases. You must feel that feeling
that says my Wife and I have nothing left, you have talked to her and things are not getting better, but dont expect to have the Children, you are the one who had found someone else,
not your Wife, and the Children will be upset enough without
taking them away from their Mum.
It is not easy, and there are tears and more tears, you will feel empty and wonder if you have done the right thing? but at the end of the day it is only you who can make this move and know its for the best. Remember the honymoon period is wonderful, but then you have the bills to pay, support the Children and run a new home, and will this new woman be prepared to go without, because at some point it will come to this. Think about it. long and hard and talk to your wife about how you feel.

Answer 4

How can anyone on Yahoo answer this for you? You know the principles by which you want to live, and this is the time when you need them. Also probably a good time to try to understand why you are not satisfied with your life right now.

One thing you should weigh carefully though is that if you break up your family, nothing you will do later can mend it up. Whereas if you pass, and later decide that you should have broken up your family (rightly or wrongly), there is still a chance. It's called keeping your options open.

Frankly the issue is not whether you will be separated from your kids, but the other way round: you are the parent, the issue is whether your kids need you (surely they do???), not whether you will still enjoy the benefit of their company. It's called having a sense of responsibility.

But whatever decision you take, make sure you know why. This will help you make a clean cut (either way), and it will help you avoid ending up with a life of regret, and maybe also jeopardising your children's respect for you.

Answer 5

when u married you made ur choice of total commitment to the other person. When you had children, it was even moreso. I warning you right now: i have seen the effects of a divorce on children, and NEVER is it possitive. It will be selfish if you seperate your children for your own love. Just explain to the girl you had feelings for her, but can't do anything about it. You are married and have children. I think that will earn more respect as well. And make sure to go home and give your wife and children a big hug so that they know that you sacrificed your wants, your pleasures, for their sakes. That's love beyond any love you'll feel for another woman.

Answer 6

Maybe not be looking for other people would have been a good start.

I'm sorry, but I don't think you can fall in love with someone if you don't want to!

Just like women can give off a vibe if they want to be hit on or anything....attached or otherwise. I think if you are in a relationship and you actually want to stay in the relationship then it is not possible to even remotely see another person in a romantic way.

I think you should leave your wife. Why cheat her out of a life where she could have 100% of a man, and not just whatever you're willing to give? And I'm sure your children would be much happier seeing mommy and daddy apart and happy instead of together and unhappy.

Ultimately, the decision is yours. I'd definitely sit down and do a lot of thinking before you screw up your family's lives.

Answer 7

well, I guess the biggest question is do you still love your wife? Studies show that the majority of divorces/seperation occur within the first 5 years...children or not. Who is this someone...where did you meet her? If you still love your wife but things aren't all warm and gooey all the time...then welcome to marriage. Things seem nice with this other woman because she has no expectations of you...she doens't live with you, she doesn't raise children with you, she doens't take of the house with you...etc. She also only knows you by yourself...who you are without all of your baggage. If however you truly believe that you no longer love your wife...and for legitimate reasons not excuses then you owe it more to her to let her go. Because while you have found comfort in the arms of someone else she is at home still being your wife...regardless if you think she is doing a good job. You need to grow up and face this head on...talk to your wife about being unhappy and if you think that you can face the truth about what is going on with your marriage and it is fixable then you owe it to yourself to try. This other woman should become a distant memory until you can figure out the best course of action for your family. Stop being a coward and stand up...

Answer 8

If you love the other woman so much and not your wife then you need to go to the other woman and not worry about the wife. I understand that you love the children and to me it sounds like that is the only reason you are with your wife right now. I will tell you though if your wife knows or finds out about the other woman she can get and have anything she wants that is both of yours because the courts will let her. If you love the kids so much you could try to fight it out in the courts for you to keep the kids or at least make it where you can see them a few hours a day or at least every weekend. Good luck with that, all I really can say is follow your heart!

Answer 9

This other woman most likely seems exciting and makes you happy but that is because it is something new and things are always different in the beginning. It's like a honeymoon period. After a while, life happens, children come along and relationships change. Go home to your wife. Get a babysitter for a night and take her out and get that spark back and remember what it was that made you fall in love with her when you first met. Do it for the kids.

Answer 10

You like another woman and you feel attracted to her. Your wife might not be so attractive to you at present, because having little children, she is maybe a mum first, and a wife later.... I am sorry but I think you are not very mature person, reading how you phrased your question. If you leave your family, it will be a tragedy for your children and your wife, who will become a single mother. So maybe you should think very hard if the other relationship is worth it and do you really have to do it.
Ocassionally we feel a passing attraction to a person other then our partner, it is a normal thing. But you need to be very sure that you have a very good reason to ruin life of 3 other people, 2 of which are your own kids.

Answer 11

Honestly, Do you have a life plan? Does it include living on your whimsical feelings? Does it include making a family and then, the feelings change and then you change the game plan. What? The children and wife suffer cause you want a new situation, and can't you see the ridiculousness in living at the demand of crushes, feelings, bigger boobs! Is this a silly show or is your life real. What counts here! Stay until kids are raised--thats your duty fool. If no other reason exsists, like personal integrity, and what almighty God expects of you, people shouldn't live like dogs.