I have been told this is legal by my attorney and not to be concerned Morally I feel very strongly against this and I would not do the same because of my beliefs. Obviously we got divorced for our differences including morality. Many people including professionals agree with my opinion. I have been told to choose my battles with my ex carefully. I could care less how my ex lives I just want what is best for my kids. Is this situation worth the battle?
2007-04-29 02:13:45 · 10 answers · asked by paco 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Only you can decide that...but I would reiterate what you have already been told..."Choose your battles wisely!" And make sure that you are going into battle for all the right reasons.
Obviously the courts granted your wife custody for a reason. It will take a lot more than her having sexual relations with another man to take those kids away from her and give them to you.
Maybe you should be thinking of applying for totally shared custody, in that you get the kids half the time and then she does. But are you going to be presenting them with the same atmosphere as they are leaving...that is casual visits from women you date / get serious about / become engaged to? There CAN NOT be one rule for women and another for men, no matter what your moral beliefs are.
From the tone of your question, I feel that you are only getting into this because of an underlying anger at your ex-wife for leaving you. Obviously your attorney thinks that your reasons are somewhat similar.
Please be careful that you don't end up alienating your children for frivolous reasons. Your ex-wife is entitled to a life, children notwithstanding.
2007-04-29 02:23:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anastasia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have strong religious beliefs, but I didn't want my child to see me in a behavior that she may want to emulate some day..unless it was a good behavior. I didn't figure I could "Sexually active isn't cool", if I was having some man sleep in my bed.
So, I didn't do it.
Legally, you don't have a leg to stand on. Not one. The law doesn't dictate morals, or shouldn't. Society does. Regretfully, from what I can tell, "society" (in general) has pretty crappy morals.
Frankly, all you can do is be a good example to your children. You can try to get more visitation or custody, but not because she's have a man sleep over. You can offer to take the children more often so she and her boy friend have more time alone.
Otherwise, you really do need to pick your battles carefully, and this is one of the ones you aren't going to win. You also need to be careful not to make moral judgements against their mother in front of them.
2007-04-29 03:02:06 · answer #2 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide that. If your attorney says she's not breaking any laws and your concern is based solely on your moral beliefs it sounds like you may be fighting a losing battle. You said you and your ex were divorced because of the differences in morality. It doesn't sound like she'll be open to listening to you on this.
Be careful of how you handle this situation with the kids. Don't lecture them about their mother being wrong. You don't want to put them in the middle of a disagreement between their parents.
I would suggest that you explore your emotions surrounding this issue in detail. Why are you so upset about it? Do you believe the kids are in any danger? Is the boyfriend abusing them in any way or is he likely too? Is it that you object to the fact that your ex and her boyfriend are not married? Other than their marital status do you believe they're providing a loving and nurturing environment for the kids? Are you perhaps jealous of the fact that your ex is in a relationship with someone else? Are you perhaps afraid the kids might like the boyfriend more than you?
Look at your answers to these questions. Really explore your feelings on the subject. If the kids are in no danger and you get to spend the time with them that you're entitled to as per the divorce agreement, what is the harm in them spending time with their mom and her boyfriend?
This is an opportunity for growth on your part and for you to teach the kids about diversity and tolerance. You can explain to them that you don't agree with the situation but that everyone is different. Teach the kids by example. Be loving and kind and express your feelings in a non-judgmental way. That will give them an opportunity to learn and to decide for themselves how they want to live their lives.
They're old enough to understand an explanation such as "I don't agree that couples should live together unless they're married." They may ask questions as to why you believe that. You can open a discussion with them on morality and give them an opportunity to consider both sides.
In the end, as they get older they'll make their own decisions on how they want to live their lives and you may or may not agree with their choices. But as their Dad, I hope they'll know that you'll love them no matter what they decide. This situation, if handled correctly, will give them a good basis for making their choices later in life.
If you choose to fight your ex, you may end up tearing the family apart and hurting everyone involved. Only you can decide if it's woth the battle.
2007-04-29 02:41:49 · answer #3 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be an expensive fight. Underlying reason, courts do not care about this kind of thing any more. When the kids are with your ex, you can dictate what she does with them. This maybe something you might want to let go. If it is about your kids and you have the money then do it. But if it is about control over your ex, or revenge. It is not worth it. Think of how the kids will perceive a long and drawn out fight between there parents. They respond much better knowing there parents are happy.
2007-04-29 02:48:13 · answer #4 · answered by Shootsscores 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am thinking if you try to battle this one out, you are simply going to appear as the jealous ex to everyone including the judge. Settle back and see what developes. The only way you will be able to make any issue of this is if something happens to the kids.
I know how hard it is to sit back and watch your kids deal with this, but on some things you just have too. If you go to court to much, you will be labeled vindictive and a judge will not bother to listen to anything you have to say in the future.
2007-04-29 02:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by mrsmommaid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with you. I guess the legalities depend upon what state or province you are in, because I have heard of this being written into an agreement, that the children aren't to be in a situation where the one parent is having a "sleepover". Frankly, it's really gross of your ex to do this.
2007-04-29 03:52:29 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
There is NOTHING more important than your KIDS, by all means do what is necessary in order to benefit your KIDS, if you have any doubts what so ever that any or all of your kids could be harmed in any way, then you do what ever it takes to protect them.
2007-04-29 02:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think you shouldn't have overnight sexual guests in your house when you have underage children.
When you want to have sex.....either go to a hotel or sleep at his/her place when the children are with the other parent.
When you have children they should always come first.
2007-04-29 02:57:40 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, If you had full custody of your kids and had a girl friend, would you never spend time with her. Its wrong for you to want to change her life. You left her, where is she supposed to get it from? hmmmm
2007-04-29 02:38:59 · answer #9 · answered by alicej84 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would if I were you.
2007-04-29 02:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by Blue Eyed Angel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋