Im sick of my husband he controls everything i do. every bit of money i have he takes if i spend money he has a go. i cant talk to him coz he dont listen, he is a very angry person and thinks its all in my head but even my daughter has noticed and doesnt agree with it but we dont no what to do. it just seems i cant do anything without him having a go at me.i am disabled and if i want to go out i put fuel in friends cars so i can go out and my husband doesnt even like that. what should i do?
2007-04-28 23:41:54 · 34 answers · asked by Vicky C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he sounds ok, stop moanin
2007-04-28 23:45:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 9⤋
I am so sorry you are having to go through this and can understand how hard it is to break a habit of a lifetime. My mom was the same and the more the years went on the more he took emotional from her until she was not my mom.
He should not be having your money for a start I take it that the money is your disabled allowances tell him that is illegal and the money is for you and to help you get from A to B not him. If he does not let you have the money you will report him and the money will stop that may put a stop to one aspect.
He has many issues and to be honest they are not your fault you say is is angry why? Is it his past or upbringing, is it your disability, is he unhappy or worried about job or money or something else.
I think you need to suggest a visit to your doctor together and the doctor will then refer you to councelling if he wont do this then he is a pig and you have a lot of hard thinking to do.
How old is your daughter can she help in any way we did with our mom. We stuck by her 100% when she kicked my dad out and with us in together he did not have a leg to stand on. He ended up making another two womens lives a misery after that so it was not my mom or us just him. He will never change so perhaps sit down with daughter and have a cht or one of your friends.
You cant go on like this he is destroying your confidence, self esteem and self worth.
2007-04-29 01:12:35 · answer #2 · answered by momof3 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is a very insecured person, if you don't want your daughter to end up with someone like your husband, you better set an example and get out of that relationship ASAP, make a plan, on how to get your freedom, all the things you need before you can leave him, then take your daughter and run. Believe me there is light at the end of the tunnel, just be patient, and consistent. It worked for me. I'm free and in peace...Love yourself always...Good luck.
2007-04-29 00:16:45 · answer #3 · answered by just me 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Consider couple counselling for a start because you are married and there is far more to lose in my opinion when you are married especially as we made those vows.
You need to talk to the guy and find out why he behaves the way he does and get across your point of view, if you can't do this then I would suggest that you start living your life independently doing what you need to do to make yourself happy (I am not talking about splitting with him) and let him feel like he has become redundant. You need to let him know that you are in this marriage because you CHOOSE to be not because you HAVE to.
I am sure that you will find he starts making changes once he has to look at himself in the mirror to re-evaluate his purpose.
Good luck marriage is not easy
2007-04-29 02:51:15 · answer #4 · answered by Yoga Wifey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is a control freak and you must put a stop to it.
Is he using you being disabled as a reason to treat you this way?
You have a right to money, to shop, to make choices of your own and to go out without him.
Do you want to stay in this controlling marriage or make a fresh start? Only you can decide.
2007-04-29 00:53:25 · answer #5 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in an abusive relationship. There is a lot of information about this on the internet, and remember you are not to blame, it is not all in your head... that comment if made by your husband is invalidating and disrespectful. If I was in your situation, I would leave... if your husband refuses to go to a counselor. He has issues. None of what you describe is love, it is control.
2007-04-29 09:27:24 · answer #6 · answered by EM-water2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi...i know you have a alot of good answers here but really....do you want to leave him? if so you have to make that decision and stick by it...he's not being fair with you and he needs to consider you for a change instead of himself..he may be your husband but he does not possess you, you are not his property, he's controlling your every move and he is also making you unhappy..be firm with him, tell him you'll leave him if he carries on...i know it must be horrible for you as i have been through the same thing with an ex husband and i did leave him...it was the best thing i ever did...i have my freedom now...so if you really want this to stop then you have to get away from him....i wish you the best and i hope you can resolve this one way or another...good luck
2007-04-29 01:40:48 · answer #7 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what I would tell him to do - I would tell him to take his insecurity and attitude and bugger off out the door - he is a control freak and this stems from some form of insecurity in his life - he isn't going to change without professional help - therein lies your problem - he won't go and seek help coz he can't see anything wrong -
2007-04-28 23:46:53 · answer #8 · answered by jamand 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
see a counsellor with or without your husband. Talk to him and try and get him to mend his ways. If you still find life intolerable with him, then you will have to decide if it is better for you to go your separate ways. If you have a disability can you survive living on your own. Maybe he is finding the strain of minding you too much to handle. Just get him to talk to someone and show you care still.
2007-04-28 23:46:50 · answer #9 · answered by wally 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Point him towards the door and say dont that it hit you on the **** on the way out, you are not a child, pet or inanimate object you have the right to a life and a happy one at that, don't waste another minute on this idiot!
2007-05-01 12:09:05 · answer #10 · answered by Dimples 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taking finaces off someone is a form of domestic abuse. If you are in England you can call the police and they are obliged to act on it. That is of course if he wont ship out when you ask him to. Dump him, your family will understand. He probably thinks you are not capable of looking after yourself, and by the sound of it you have let him take care of things far too long. Time to put a flea in his ear i think!
2007-04-28 23:51:06 · answer #11 · answered by carswoody 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋