my bf of 2 and a half yrs left me, for the 5th time, every time we get into a fight, he leaves and says he wants nothing to do with me ever again. how many couples out there break up everytime things get heated. The last time we fought, he moved in with his step brother, he said that it was over and our relationship would not work, one week later, he was at my window telling me how much he loved me and wanted to move back in with me, so we got back together, and we got into another fight, and he left me again. how can he say he loves me if he can just leave me like this and leave me broken hearted every time. I truley want things to work for us, but our past is very tarnished now. I am very distraught, i try to think positive and think my life will be better off without him, but it hurts so bad, i cant eat, sleep, or socialize because i am so sad, to the point were it feels like i have a cramp in my heart. I still love him, can you let go of someone you love, how do you do it?
2007-04-28 22:23:19 · 11 answers · asked by jen w 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I only read the first 2 lines, its all I needed to know that he is this:
Men either stay or run, he runs, its just who he is, he wont change.
They can either commit or not, he obviusly cant.
He doesnt even know if he loves you because everytime things get tough he leaves
You will be much happier in the long run if you cut ur losses and leave him. Its not normal for him to just up and run whenever he feels like it or cant take the heat.
Then he comes sucking back up to you and you take him back?
This guy will never be anymore that what he is now - A RUNNER AND A HIDER, he is weak...
You deserve so much better! You deserve someone who will stay no matter what, love you no matter what and be with you, for good and bad...
I could write more but please just trust me on this! Ive been there! The guy wh was running 7 years ago is still running! Even things like jobs etc.. he cant keep em, he leaves and EVRYTHING in his life that he cant deal with is thrown into the too hard basket!
Your guy sounds the same!
Get out you deserve sooo much better
Goodluck
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Ok, sorry... I just read the rest and it sounds worse than I originally thought.
You are physically ill over this and it is affecting your whole life! THIS IS NOT RIGHT
If this was meant to be, you would be happy, positive, you would love yourself, you would love the situation you were in you would have freinds and a healthy happey social life... you dont...
It is like a disease... they get into you head, and then treat you like sh*t.
I had a bf once who was like this, I was only with him for 3 mnths (not the same as the other I mentioned) then I knew something was up, he start harrassing me, when I didnt take him back he came over sucking up saying he loved me and couldnt live without me, he seemed so nice and sincere,...... then.... I said no, never... and he turned nasty, he became abusive and turned into someone I could have never imagined he would be.
I would be careful that you dont get into a situation where you say no to him *(and he is so used to you saying yes,) he flips out... and could hurt you.
Remind yourself what love is... this is NOT love.
I know how hard it is when you think you love someone and you want to make it work no matter what...
You must do this: Tell him not to come backa again, tell him your worth more than that and deserve better. Go to the DR and talk about these feeling your having and tell him how its affecting your social life and you cant eat or sleep. The DR will help you initially.
Then after that remind yourself how much better off without him YOU are...
Join a social group, get back out there into the scene, do dinners or movies with mates... anything to feel normal again... (I CAN SOOOO emapthise with you its not funny)
If you do this, after a few months, you will feel so much better, you WILL be positive and be able to think and see clearly again... right now you cant..
And if he tries to come back, get a restraining order, and if you have to, move.
THIS IS A CHAPTER THAT MUST CLOSE NOW
The next chapter is going to be happy, and its all about YOU... things that you need and want. Do not have contact with him and do everything you can to make yourself feel beter.
Email me if you want a friend :)
2007-04-28 22:33:37 · answer #1 · answered by Kira 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NEVER argue loudly or softly about any problems you have encountered in your marriage, That is very bad and causes insensitivity between the both of you.
When a problem has risen such as this, you must communicate and you must be ready to accept the previsions thereof.
Marriage is a sacred institution and when you argue...that is like being hit with ahurricane and the damage can last for years throughoput the marriage.
Do not be a victim. Hopefully you can work it out and if you can't and this marriage falls out.
In the future make it a point never to argue. Thats taboo. You can disagree, but not argue. The Devils tongue does more damage to a soft heart.
2007-04-28 22:40:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a bit difficult, but if u don't want to be in this kind of really silly situations u have to worn him when u r calm and nice to each other. Tell him, that fight is normal between couples and through fights me know each other more sometimes. Every couple fights, even married once, but u have to be respectful even during fights. Tell him if during the fight he'll leave again he may never come back as u never accept him again. Tell that his leaving hurts u and if he'll do it again...this time u may never forgive him.
U gotta keep ur word if he'll leave next time. After when he comes back and tells u how he loves u and bla, bla, bla... remind him ur warning and never accept him that day. Let him find u again and ask for ur forgiveness. That time if u want him back, forgive him and tell him that u r giving him a last chance.
If he'll leave u again during another fight - I don't think u need someone so weak and disrespectful to u.
Good luck :)
2007-04-28 22:45:52 · answer #3 · answered by Panther 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal in the sense that your relation has a problem, but it is not normal in the true sense of a healthy relation. From this short description, it appears to me that you and your bf need family counseling. It appears his expectations from an intimate relation is not placed right and he is torn between loving you and his "reality" of a working relation. On the other hand, you need to communicate your feelings in a better way to help him acknowledge your feelings without you two getting into a fight. If you love him and if he loves you, plz and plz go and see a family councilor. But note that not all of these councilors are good so ask around for a registered psychologist.
2007-04-28 22:46:46 · answer #4 · answered by khoshtip_2001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
am sorry but he doesnt love you. people do fight and argue and there is conflict in relationships and even atimes get up and leave for an hour or two, not completely move out or end a relationship. i shouldnt say he doesnt love u, but rather he doesnt know what love is. he seems very immature. also y r u living with him. marry the guy. (i wud not recommend that) u have to decide if u r willing to continue to go thru this crap or leave his a** and go find urself a healthy relationship
2007-04-28 22:30:40 · answer #5 · answered by braille 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like someone has to grow up and mature here before there are children involved. It's best to air this out now before it's to late.
I for one would tell him to take a hike until he matures and, what's with this fighting all the time ? it sounds like a poor relationship to start with, you'd both maybe take a break and see if your really in love or just in "need"
2007-04-28 23:01:21 · answer #6 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably does love you, or he wouldn't come back.
Obviously, there is a problem of communication. Next time he comes back, ask him to go to counselling with you.
You need to learn how to settle disputes without fighting or bailing on each other.
2007-04-29 01:28:16 · answer #7 · answered by joe b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When things are CALM, tell him that they way you fight SUCKS, and that it can't happen that way again. Tell him that if he just wants to drive around to calm down, that's cool - but the love/hate stuff tears you up and you can't do it anymore. Tell him, if you fight and he leaves again, you will not let him come back - then stick to your word.
2007-04-28 22:29:40 · answer #8 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not any longer time-honored. He could desire to the two experience trapped in a loveless marriage (in his ideas) or he has somebody coated up as a alternative for you. in case you get an apprehended violence order against him, he may be the single to be kicked out.
2016-10-14 01:53:03 · answer #9 · answered by weigelt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drama!
Now That’s Love
I know what love is like:
Truly loving someone is giving them the freedom to love you or not
Truly loving yourself is choosing to be someone who uses that freedom to love you
Yea, now that’s love
Copyright©2006, by Arene
2007-04-28 23:01:52 · answer #10 · answered by Arene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋