My husband recently went to an event called Flirt After Work, but he lied about it. Now I do not believe anything he says. Flirt After Work is actually for singles looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. He and three of his friends went. I found out because he came home drunk with a lame excuse about hanging out with the guys at the barber shop. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it. I finally realized that the night in question was a Thursday Night and my husband had gotten a haircut the day before. He was in a good mood that next day and while driving around town, I just asked him. He paused and then said yes. I did not argue with him about it, I decided to let it go for the moment. I just think he is a liar and all the loving things he tells me are lies. I do not think a happily married man would be at an event like this. I am an attractive female (so I have been told). Other men notice me all the time, but I do not put myself in compromising situations where I may be tempted.
2007-04-28 19:50:33 · 17 answers · asked by Twilight 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes you should be worried. You are ABSOLUTELY right that a married man (happily or otherwise) should NOT be going to an event like this. The fact that he lied about it is the least of your worries. I'm speaking from experience...TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If you love him and want to work things out, and he wants to also, then you two should get counseling and work on your relationship. But if he downplays your concerns or feelings...or doesn't seem to want to be with you anymore - RUN, DON'T WALK away. I'm sorry to be so severe...but like I said, I have experience...and I just want to save your feelings. Good luck.
2007-04-28 19:59:16 · answer #1 · answered by mrswho86 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have recently been confronted with a similar situation with my husband. I understand exactly how you feel when you are saying that you think basically everything he says is a lie, I feel that way too about my husband. I guess when the one person who you trust with your deepest emotions and thoughts lies to you about a "meet your mr/mrs right" thing he went to, naturally you are going to assume he isn't happy in your marriage, but the only advice that I can give you judging by my experience is that if you are having a hard time trusting him, keep those feelings to yourself unless you know for a FACT that he is actually guilty of something wrong, because if in fact he isn't lying about anything else then you will just drive him away and end up destroying your marriage. Now if you DO find out something that is a fact, and you will not tolerate it, then you need to make a clean break because no marriage will survive on untrusting, lies, and wrongdoings. If you were to stay with him if he did something wrong, you would constantly have it on your mind about whether or not he's lying to you and if he leaves the house, you would go out of your mind wondering what he is doing, is he doing what he said? you'll wonder. I imagine that you would start looking through his things to find out if he is doing anything or not because you wont be willing to take his word for it because he lied to you and once the man who is supposed to be honest and faithful to you has betrayed you, that part of the marriage will never become normal. If it did have a chance to become normal again it would take a ton of effort and years to regain trust.
2007-04-28 20:13:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, you should be worried. He lied to you & went to an event that is for singles. You both need to sit down & talk about it maturely. These lies he's telling you are signs that he may not be able to tell you the truth sometimes, when he should be telling you the truth all the time. Do you really think you can "let it go"? A man will only do things you allow him to do.
2007-04-28 20:16:51 · answer #3 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be worried. But it's up to you and him to fix it. You two are each your own person so what worked for me might not work for you but here it goes. First, rip into him big time. Then I turn cold as ice, unresposive to him, stop talking to him all together. Dont share your feelings with someone who obviously couldn't care less. Refuse to listen to him when he talks. Why should you give a rip about what he's feeling or concerned about. It's a two way street buddy. If you do make eye contact with him, makt it a cold stare. No anger but no warmth either. Cold ice. Stay like that for a good 2 weeks. No moments of weekness or you'll screw it all up.
Then show a little bit of warmth and allow him to speak his mind. Dont be surprised if he isn't sorry. Let him know (ice cold again) that what he did was so wrong that you could never put up with that behavior again.
You refuse to live like this. Then let his actions decide if you're gonna divorce him or work thru this.
All hope is not lost but you need to put him in check and be prepared for a hellish year or more of uncertainty. It is completely possible that you two will come out of this as a closer couple with deeper feelings for eachother. It worked for me...
2007-04-28 20:41:42 · answer #4 · answered by Just Jane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is that if your man tells you a lie about where he was at then you should worry, I was in a similar situation he comes home drunk says he was wherever then when sober if you can somehow get him ends up tellin the truth. He might get mad say nothings going on but in my case bout a year later he finally tells me he messed around with someone, now this may not happen to you but if he does this often like mine did then you should worry. Good Luck!
2007-04-28 20:53:02 · answer #5 · answered by luv2chat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are valid, especially since he "lied" about it in the first place and the lying part is the real issue. Even a situation like this is enough for a married woman to lose trust in her husband. Besides, if he didn't think it was wrong to begin with, why did he hide it from you?
2007-04-28 20:01:55 · answer #6 · answered by Aurora 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, a happily married man would not be at an event like that. I think you know what you need to do now is confront him and don't fall for any lies.
2007-04-28 19:59:19 · answer #7 · answered by Momof1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well hon, I do not agree he is a lier all the way. Are you saying he admitted going to this event? If he did admit it then give him props for this. He is letting you know to see how you respond maybe. As far as a bad marriage, I would not analyze it that much, but something may need to be tweaked in his view of what is okay for a married man to do and what is not okay. Good luck and best wishes.
2007-04-28 19:59:33 · answer #8 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You just fount out what men all around the world do best and that is lie.I no it is a rude awakening to find out the one person in your life you would die for doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you.Something is always missing in
every marriage,men are never satisfied with who they have they always think they could have done better.And all the fun they are missing by being married to one woman. If I were you I would be very worried about my marriage.
2007-04-28 20:31:21 · answer #9 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he broke you trust, how dare he..that is so terrible..his friends probably glamorized it for him and put him up to it but hes a grown man and knows better..that is so horrible.i am so sorry he has to now make you wonder about everything he does..every time hes not home when he says he will be..every time hes going out, is he going to be where he says?, etc...a marriage cannot survive without trust..definitely go to counseling after having a heart to heart with him..it cant go on without the counseling...you wont survive it..you don't deserve to live like that...its awful...good luck
2007-04-28 20:04:08 · answer #10 · answered by LOONEY LADY 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋