Considering divorce but I am unsure if my reason is good enough. what do you think?

Question

My husband and I have been married for two years. We met while pursuing higher ed. Currently I am working on my BA and working as a kindergarten aide. My husband has dropped out of school because he doesn't know what he wants for a career. He is working at a dead end job earning minimum wage. I am happy with what he earns now because it pays the bills. However I am soon approaching my 27th birthday and I would love to have children before I turn thirty but financially that would be impossible if my husband continues to work at his current job. I have tried talking to him about this and he closes up and tells me he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. I am very frustrated because I want to move on to another chapter of our lives. I am seriously comtemplating divorce. Is this a good enough reason?

For those of you that feel that you need to remind me of the vows let me explain a few things. When we got married I was under the impression that we were working towards the same goals. I took upon myself those vows thinking that we would forever support each other, however he doesn't seem to be very supportive of the plans that we once had.

Answer 1

I'm guessing you failed to grasp the deeper meaning of "for richer, for poorer...from this day forward until death do us part."

I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Answer 2

Look, you can still have children after 30. A lot of women seem to think they just have to have kids before 30, and I've seen some make some bad mistakes in life because of that.

I know several women who had kids after 30, one even when she was 40, he's a great kid.

Like some of the others say, sounds like your husband is in a slump, maybe he was fine until school seemed to be a dead end street (that happens -- college advisors will paint a rosy picture so you will join their program, then you find -- after you've dumped all this money into that program -- that there either aren't good jobs out there in that field, or maybe it's a field that pays poorly).

I'd suggest he get some career counselling. You could consider marriage counselling if this turns into a major issue.

Maybe he's depressed? That could be why he closes up.

Give it a chance. Marriage is a relationship, not an agenda.

Answer 3

I'm wondering why your husband isn't looking for a better paying job than a minimum wage job? Just because he doesn't yet know what he wants to do with his life, doesn't mean he can't make the effort to find a better paying job.

I think you need to be a little more flexible with regard to the timeframe you have set in your mind as to when you want to have a baby. What difference does it really make if you have a baby at 31 or 32? At this point, I don't think that this scenario is grounds for divorce.

It also occurs to me that your husband knows how much you want to have a child--- and that he is not ready for that, so he is using the excuse that he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. Before you bring a child into your life, be sure that the man you married is up to the challenge of caring for an infant and all that that entails.

Answer 4

It's not "financially impossible", it's "financially uncomfortable". You can't have everything. Either figure out a way to make it work, financially--resign yourself to whatever standard of living it would take, for as long as it would take, and decide for yourself that you, your janitor husband, the kids and the dog would still be happy even if you were living in a tent--or get a divorce and start over. You've only been together 2 years, do you think you'll be happier in ten? Twenty? What do you see as your future together? Do you see a silver lining off in the distance, or not? Only you can decide this one.

Answer 5

Have you talked about what you both want in your lives outside of steady employment? Just because someone is struggling to find what they want to do does not necessarily mean that his goals for the future are not the same. I understand the desire to start a family but try not setting time limits on when they have to be accomplished by. Speaking from personal experience, I would have loved to have started my family earlier but that didn't happen and I would change a thing. When you stop stressing over when but concentrate on making your relationship strong through communication things will happen when their suppose to happen. Give yourself time. Remind him of the things you find important and ask him to share his. Make a plan together. No matter how long your together you'll always have challenges to face.

Answer 6

1) Only you can determine if this is reason enough for you because only you know your "point of no return".

2) Have you tried counseling of some sort? Maybe for him on his own and for the two of you together? Perhaps he feels like he can't discuss the future, because he feels hopeless about the now.

3) I can only speak for myself here, but I would only give up on my husband if I felt I had exhausted every avenue. And I think trying out and talking through alternatives would take a really long time.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 7

yes, if he is also 27 then he needs to get his act together or he will be at wendys the rest of his life. Most people hate there jobs but I do it to pay the bills. If I could I would just travel all the time but I have a house and a wife and a child so I work at my crappy job and enjoy my days off. Talk to him. Tell him that while he is working out what he wants out of life he can get a real job until he figures it out or you are leaving.

Answer 8

first of all do not have children with this man. I was married for 17 years and had 2 children and I as well thought we had the same goals. our plans of me being a stay at home mom were shot because he did not want to pursue his career, so therefore I ended up working most of my kids life.
what you need to do is communicate and seek counseling with him, but if he is not ambitious about an education he may not feel the same about counseling...and if that doesn't work do a trial seperation. that just might wake him up.
what ever you do hold off on kids, I had my first one at 31. you have plenty of time. do what you need to do for yourself first.

Answer 9

dont make any rash decisions.you really need to talk to your husband about your concerns.if you really want to have kids thats something you should both be ready for in all ways not just money wise.do you and your husband love each other? do you enjoy each others company?if he will not talk to you about things he may be embarrassed or feel that you will judge him harshly for having a different point of view than yours.this is not the proper home for kids now anyhow.talk to your husband and find out what he is wanting in the near future and his job plans and if he even wants kids,not every person does.good luck.

Answer 10

I actually do think that something as important as having children is reason enough. But if it's just financial problems, and you really love him and think you could be together forever, you will be able to figure out how to budget in order to have children. Plus, your income will help and you will earn more once you get the degree.

Answer 11

Only you can tell how much effort you are prepared to put into the marriage. You need to complete your schooling first and get a decent job. Then look at it again .

In some area good paying jobs are very hard to find.