Why Doesn"t My Husband Understand He Has Done Wrong???

Question

My Husband has been Cheating on me with Sex Workers for 6 Months and Then He Had an Affair with one of them for 4 Months,He Wants me to Forgive Him and move on,We had Decided to Seperate but at the Last Minute he Broke Down and said He couldn"t stand being on his own and not seeing me and the Kids,So he is still here,How do I make Him Realise how much He has really hurt me and What He did was the Worst Betrayal of all,He has been with Sex Workers 1-2 Times a week and Then Go Behind my back and Have an affair with one of them,I would Like to Know What other people Think as to me this is not the way for a Married Man to act and why doesn"t He understand I can't Forgive Him and I Never Will,I Said to Him when I think of all the Things He done to me I Feel ill,All He says to me is I made a Mistake and I wont do it again,How can I be Sure as He enjoyed it once and I am sure He will go Back given the Chance,Thanks for Your Comments.

I Forgot to mention before,I am 43 Years Old and I have Lost my Sex Drive and I Asked my Husband if He was worried about it and He said No,Sex wasn"t Important to Him and Then He goes to Sex Workers,How can that be the Right thing to Do,I wish he had of Left me instead of going down the Road He Went.

Well Bradley, I really think He should have been a Man and said to me that He Needs Sex and if I couldn"t give it to him We should go our Seperate ways,When I lost my sex drive it was through a Medical Condition and not because I didn"t want it anymore,So that it not my Fault.

Answer 1

well my goodness there are mistakes and then there are MISTAKES!!! He probably just wantd to say sorry and think it can all be forgotton by you, i very much can understand how this makes you feel ill.
What if had given you a disease?
You deserve better-someone that will be faithful to you ---i hate to say it but i believe once a cheater always a cheater especially when he doesnt seem to understand what a big deal this is-good luck to you

Answer 2

You took him back and said you dont trust him and honestly I dont think you'll ever trust him and you'll always assume he is doing his former routine yet again. I do know however most men {my husband included but he doesnt cheat its other things} often can not admit they are wrong and they get hostile and loud and aggressive with words because its "everyone else". If he made a mistake fine but to make the same mistake 1-2 times a week for 6 months and then have an afair with one for 4 months is a bit out there. Personally I don't know how you do it, I would have been gone.

I just read your edit. So what if you lost your sex drive this is not your fault you did not in any way MAKE him cheat. There will come a time he will lost his drive its a part of life that sex drives come and go. Do you plan on cheating when he loses his? You are the victim here hon stop trying to convince yourself that you made him do this

Answer 3

A lose-lose situation. If you take him back...the odds are that he will return to his old stomping grounds. If you don't take him back....then you probably will feel guilty and he will imtimidate you constantly with his "woeful" situation.

Behind all of this....you have to ask why he went out like this in the first place, and you may find answers which lead to more questions....he may have various fetishes that you were never aware and you might feel uncomfortable in "his problem". Trust me....his problem doesn't end....it just sits out there and waits. If there is some understanding on your part....maybe you can help him work through his issue. This is kinda like the first year of Desperate Housewives....you may find something that you can live with or that you can't stand.

And the bottom line....? Life goes on....with him....or without him.

Answer 4

It's hard on everyone when a spouse cheats but unfortunately you're the only one who can decide what is best for you. I know because I'm speaking from personal experience. I was ready to leave and put that part of my life behind me but because of the stress and multitude of emotions I didn't feel capable of making such a life changing decision at that time. I chose to place those decisions in God's hands. I prayed for direction and guidance and asked that the signs be obvious. That's all I was able to do at the time. Emotions were running too high. As I watched all the events of our lives unfold and come to a head, I was prepared to end the one thing that was most important in my life....my marriage. When the time came for the final confrontation the outcome was completely unexpected. To make a long story short God reached in and made his decision for me. I have stood by that decision and found peace with all that has happened including the ability to forgive. My forgiveness in no way meant that I forgot nor that my trust was repaired, just that it gave me a sense of peace. The feelings I experienced are difficult to describe, all I can tell you is once I took everything out of my hands things changed.

Just remember you deserve to be respected, honored and cherished. You know him the best, if he's got a history of this be warned. If he's had major life changes...consider those. But whatever you do take care of yourself first and don't allow other peoples opinions to sway what your decision is. You have to live with whatever outcomes there are. Seperation is a good idea because it can give you time to think instead of reacting to a highly emotional situation. Best of luck!

Answer 5

"I Forgot to mention before,I am 43 Years Old and I have Lost my Sex Drive and I Asked my Husband if He was worried about it and He said No,Sex wasn"t Important to Him and Then He goes to Sex Workers,How can that be the Right thing to Do,I wish he had of Left me instead of going down the Road He Went."

How can that be the right thing to do?

What do you expect him to do? You just told him you don't want to have sex with him anymore. What do YOU think the right thing to do would be?

Live like a monk?

Masturbate to internet porn?

Start making moves on your daughters, if you have them?

Because I'll bet that the fourth option, "Continue pressing you for sex even though you've made it clear that you don't want it" would have just pissed you off. Then you'd have come here bashing him for not being "understanding." HE knows it, and that's why he said, "Okay, dear," when you made your declaration.

So really, please. Tell us what you think he should have done. I am DYING to hear this.

Answer 6

He needs to go he's a philander and will never be happy with just one woman! Get tested for every std that there is, and don't let him touch you. This is dangerous......he disregarded your own life. Those sex workers are very nasty. It cost alot of money for a man to entertain himself with these women! I would be totally devastated as i am sure that you are! Nothing will ever be the same with him again. He is a sex addict and destroyed your world as you used to know it! I just hate these women that degrade them selves and take up the career to be a whore. They justify what they do from supporting their kids, to going to college, and some never see they are worth more than that! My daughter has 3 kids....her husband left her......she worked selling cars, and at the same time studied for her real estate license. They don't have to do that they choose to do it.....and they say we don't take care of our men and thats why they come to us! That is bull . why do they blame the wives out there? They do this to justify being a whore plain and simple. Some men not all men patronize these establishments and the ones they get are screwed up bastards with real issues! These are the guys they are getting the bad ones just like they are. What your husband patronized was not a mistake......he knew numerous times where is was going and what he was going for!! He will do it again the only reason he is saying that is because he got caught. Well it's to bad that your husband can't stand being on his own....he should have thought about the consequences before he tore down your life. He betrayed you and it was his choice. He is so use to being with many different women 1-2 times a week how can he supplement the menu now and why are you so important now that he will quit? I don't think so don't waste your time it isn't worth it. Your marriage died for him a long time ago. Many se- workers say most men just want to be listened to because something is missing at home for them. If that is the case (which it isn't) why do they always crawl back home wanting back in and begging for forgiveness!!! These bussiness are out of contol and marriages are breaking up over them. Why are women hurting other women because their lives are all srewed up? I guess they hate men and want the rest of us to hate them to. I really feel sorry for you and but Idon't feel sorry for your husband. Don't let him play on your emotions , your morals and what you know commitment to be. He wrong you and he needs to leave. I Hope You DO!!!

Answer 7

"Whatever we do is done because we CHOOSE to do it and we make that choice because it is the one that satisfy's us the most." I'd find a way to separate until you could determine if he is in fact willing to TRY to change. NO GUARANTEES. Read the book "The Road Less Traveled" for some self-counseling about common personality disorders and what love is and what love is NOT. Love yourself enough to take the time to research and learn the best course of action for you. I wish you the best on your journey to recovery...because that's what needs to happen whether you stay with this CHEATER/ABUSER or not. God Bless You...

Answer 8

Go to counseling, individual and as a couple.
you can not live like this or put your children through it.
YOU have the right to be happy and your marriage respected.
There's a lot of damage there to be repaired.
If he won't go, then tell him to hit the road, you are in charge now because you see how he didi't handle your heart responsibly.
you must be very hurt adn thus very angry. also see your doctor, watch for depression ok ?
his infidelity really has nothing to do with you; remember that, it's important. It has to do with failures within himsel.
take care of you !

Answer 9

My boyfriend cheated on me, i know i cant relate because im not married, but i can tell you i felt like the biggest scumbag after he did it, i couldnt eat sleep or even look at him. I know deep down, you love him because he is the father of your children, but do you love him as a husband?

You should sit him down and tell him the straight facts. I think a divorce is in order. He made a mistake, and now he is going to pay for it for the rest of his life. No kids, no home, no family. He paid the price, and now he should suffer the consquences.

I wish you the best of luck with everything and if you need any support, just click on the email link in my profile

xoxox

Answer 10

When a man says let's move on it means "What I did is OK and you should not hold me responsible for it". It is the same as $hitting on your head and telling you there is a mud slide.
He sounds addicted to these sex workers, I think they are called whores, sluts, pro's, street walkers, disease ridden bottom feeders; he needs help. But not as much as you, if you think he is going to give up his fun for you.