does your spouse think sexually about other people?

Question

I know your going to think that I also think sexually about other people but I've always been so completely in love and sexually satisfied with my spouse that i really never have. buy i just found out from my spouse that she constantly thinks about sexual things with other people, both guys and girls. and yes in her thoughts she does everything with them. this is not an occasional thing, it happens all the time she told me. i'm having an extremely difficult time trying to deal with this and i feel somehow that our marriage of 11 years may be over because of this. i don't want it to be. how do i deal with this and why is she doing this? she said she's done this ever since we got married!! she tried to tell me that all women do this all the time and that it is just natural. i just don't know if i can believe that. i love her. how do i deal with this. how do i forgive her. have i lost her somehow? please, please help me and tell me what you can.ican’thandleit,Ineedhelp

Answer 1

I know of people with a very active fantasy life....which this kinda fits into. They could be like driving by a picnic area in a national park...and suddenly get this idea of stopping and laying out a blanket just out of road site for a romantic moment (unplanned). I worked with a guy whose wife would greet him at the airport when he flew back in....with a trampy-looking outfit every single time...and wanting to be seen in that fashion.

I don't see this as a terrible thing....people can have fantasies and never act upon them ever. The fact that you've been married eleven years and shes likely been this way the whole time....and not been walking outside of the marriage...then you really don't have a big reason to support your argument. If you presented evidence that she had....then I'd think different.

In this case....I think I'd sit back....calm down and consider what I have....a wife who is very creative in fantasies. Perhaps I'd accept this and actually use this more to the advantage of both....and let her create stories or situations that both can enjoy. It keeps her honest, creative, and out of trouble....plus I doubt if you'd complain much.

In the math of life....seems to me you are plus-ten and you ought to be fairly happy over that. If this is the worst that you can dig up....then I'd be thinking that things are not as bad as they might be. And besides....if you did toss this marriage....and find another woman....you might find one who not only fantasizes, but also gets involved in other men (which this lady of yours apparently doesn't do).

Make good use of the situation you have. Some guys would likely prefer it.

Answer 2

Your wife is wrong all women don't think of having sex with other people.She could be testing you,trying to get a rise out
of you.If she feels unloved by you she will try this on you.We women do crazy things to see if our husbands love us.Don't take it so personal, your wife is just trying to make you jealous
that's all.Give it back to her, see how she likes it.Tell her you no what she means by thinking of others.You have been doing it, and it feels good.That will drive her nuts.She won't come right out and say this, just give it about an hour and I bet she will ask you,who have you been thinking of.If you want to get your wife back you will need to make her jealous.