I had a baby 4 months ago and am currently in a great relationship with my fiance. We couldn't be happier. Here's the catch...all the sudden he has NO sex drive. Right after the baby, he couldn't wait to get back to having sex. Obviously I wasn't feeling as up to it and we waited for my 6 week appointment to get the green light. Everything went great. My sex drive still wasn't back to "normal" at that point but he kept making it very obvious he wanted sex. We did a few times. Fast forward to now and my sex drive is back to what it used to be. I finally feel pretty and sexy again. But now he's telling me he has no desire at all. He even said he doesn't understand why and it's really bothering him. He also told me he doesn't even have the desire to masturbate. I believe he is being genuine in that he doesn't understand why he isn't in the mood. Has anyone had an experience like this and have any advice? I should add our relationship is amazing on a day to day basis. Help!
2007-04-28 16:23:53 · 7 answers · asked by Jess 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I thought it was because of the weight I gained while pregnant but he assures me it isn't. (I've lost 90% of it). He's also assured me he's not "grossed out" from seeing the birth or from seeing me breastfeed everyday, he's in the medical profession so he understands that that is all natural. I just don't understand how/why he went from being all for sex and then dropping to nothing in just a little while...
2007-04-28 16:27:18 · update #1
Based on the couple answers I've recieved (thank you for them), I feel I should add that my fiance is very involved with the baby. He is with him when I am at work and they have a great relationship and already have an unbreakable bond.
2007-04-29 05:47:16 · update #2
He's under a lot of stress and is over tired.
2007-04-30 13:39:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You may have had a slower recovery time back to interest in sex because you were nursing. This release is prolactin and this can certainly affect sex drive. It's probably just natures way of saying hey you were nursing right now not time to get pregnant again. Also it sound like you are quite concerned from just a medical standpoint. All these things combined certainly would take the wind out of your sails.
Unfortunately it sounds like you both are to balls getting thrown together. You both seem to be going off in different directions. While you are now ready to be sexual he has turned the other way and lost interest. There could be a couple of things happening here one is certainly that it she has not had sex for some time his system can simply start to shut down. It's sort of like if you're having sex often your bodies producing hormones to keep you interested. But when a guy shuts down for certain period of time his body might shut down his hormones and talked for sex.
Of course you have bed and both of you are taking care of the baby and both were worried. This adds stress factor. When you feel comfortable and can have a relative or someone with the baby so both of you can go out together by yourselves... that might help bring about more comfortable feelings together again. You need to take the frustration factor out of sexual part of the relationship.
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2007-05-01 23:34:59 · answer #2 · answered by AdviceManHere 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he's having some new father issues that he maybe feels he doesn't have the right to have, so he can't even identify them to work on them! Maybe it would help him to talk with a counselor for a couple of sessions. Can he get a couple sessions through work? I think he's probably telling you the truth about it not being you. It's a lot of stress being a new dad, and very often they feel they have no right to be stressed.
2007-04-29 00:30:18 · answer #3 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be depressed? Try spending extra time with him and if that isn't it, then try to get him to be more involved with the baby more like with feedings, pump some milk into a bottle and let him feed the baby, he might feel left out of this relationship between you and the baby good luck.
2007-04-29 03:57:25 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recommend that you go back to flirting with him like you did early in your relationship. Don't expect to just jump in the sack. Guys need romance too. Let him see you as a sexy woman, not just a mom. Set the stage, and then he'll be making the moves.
2007-05-06 21:27:11 · answer #5 · answered by chillsister 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to see a doc. It happens, its like a funk you gotta break out of, but the longer it goes, and the more you think about it, the worse it gets. Maybe the doc has a pill or something to help him out.
2007-05-06 17:39:45 · answer #6 · answered by Josh L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though its probably embarrasing for him he should see doc. It could be something as simple as a blood test to check his testosterone levels. If thats it , it is easily fixed with meds. Just have him go to the doc.
2007-05-06 20:30:26 · answer #7 · answered by perkie5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋